Imagine The Path Ahead

Posted on January 6, 2011 by JanetEisenbise

“Live out of your imagination, not your history.” ~Stephen Covey~

There is something about the beginning of January that naturally encourages looking ahead. Whether you a a person who deliberately plans for the year or not, most likely you have had at least one conversation about it by now. If you have been reading my blog for awhile, you won’t be surprised to see that I have been asking my clients about this all week.

I admit it: I am a Goals Missionary. Or maybe a really annoying Think About Your Purpose in Life evangelist. Almost everyone is at least polite in their responses. I haven’t seen any actual eye rolling. A few have firmly denied that they even want to go there with me. Most will agree to spend part of our time talking about the possibilities for the year ahead and what they envision for themselves. Rarely has anyone written it down.

Have you? I want to suggest that there is a lot of power in the written word. And I don’t mean it in the usual English major sense of that phrase. I mean that the just the act of writing down what you want increases the ability to turn that desire into an intention. And it greatly increases the chance that you will bring it into being.

By the same token, writing down your gratitude or appreciation is more effective than just ticking off the list in your mind. And not surprisingly feeling grateful makes it much easier to manifest more positives in your life.

If you are willing to write down what you imagine to be your ideal life, and then to write down what elements you are noticing are already present and feel grateful for them, it becomes easier to stay tuned to those positives, rather than the dim disappointments of your past.

This certainly is not the full monty of goal setting. But it is the spirit that will motivate you, elevate your mood and your optimism and will certainly lead to inspired action. Try it and see if you don’t agree with me. As always, I love your comments and everyone else benefits from your thoughts and experiences.

Best Laid Plans

Posted on December 26, 2010 by JanetEisenbise

For those who celebrate Christmas, I hope that yours was bright and lovely.

For me it has been. Being with family members, some of whom came from quite a distance away, is the best. Time to catch up, relax and reconnect. The big dinner was a cooperative venture, one crew cooking, another cleaning up. A surprising number of people doing a sort of ballet around a relatively small kitchen. Kibitzing, reminiscing, and laughing.

And then a surprising development in the weather brought a white Christmas. One of those wet snows that piles up on the fences and foliage and looks like a Christmas card by morning. And then it keeps coming, and promises to be a substantial snow before it’s over.

All this reminds me that despite the days of planning and working, all sorts of unexpected things can occur to change the picture of what we think is going to happen. The perfect menu has to be changed because the yeast dies and can’t raise the bread, and the pie dough falls apart because it lacks enough flour.

I have arrived without boots because the forecast mentioned nothing of snow when I left home. The long distance travelers have delayed their departure, hoping the roads will be cleared the following day. And I am wondering if I need to find an alternative route to my usual way home.

What to do when our best laid plans are knocked into the ditch? We can either get fixated on our ideas of perfection, getting caught up in feeling frustrated and anxious. Or we can acknowledge our disappointment, allow for an alternative option and move on.

It’s helpful in such circumstances to ask yourself what matters most? The menu that reads like it came out of a gourmet magazine, or the shared experiences of being with the people you love most? I doubt if anyone will remember that the Parker house rolls never made it to the table. They will remember the laughter at the table, playing in the snow and the uproarious competition of game playing in the evening.

If whatever plans that you made have developed holes, or completely fallen by the wayside, remember that those inner qualities of flexibility and resiliency are the keystones to good mental and physical health.

Take a few deep breaths, relax and stretch your body and open your mind to new possibilities. Bonus points for being able to laugh at yourself or the situation. Humor really helps!

Small Steps Count

Posted on November 22, 2010 by JanetEisenbise

The beginning of the holiday season is just days away, but somehow it seemed to sneak up and put in an early appearance. And after that the end of the year and the decade will be here.

Being a tad overwhelmed with the plans and prospects of cooking, shopping, wrapping and traveling, I know I’m not in this alone. And then meeting business goals that have deadlines looming large just compound the pressure.

It brings up fantasies about Aladdin’s genie. Alas, no banged up brass lamps are at hand.

What IS at hand is a contribution from Positive Psychology. As Bill O’Hanlon stated it, “Do one thing different!” Which actually is a book title, if you would like to read an excellent guide to making positive changes in your life.

Identify one useful step, no matter how small it may appear to be. Then do it immediately, or write it in your schedule if that is truly impossible. Commit to taking that one small step and do it over and over again. Doing SOMETHING feels like such a relief (as opposed to worrying and wringing your hands while you do nothing) that not only will your mood improve, you will get a new whiff of energy. And that will propel you forward in the direction that you intend.

Jet Fuel for Your Goals

Posted on October 4, 2010 by JanetEisenbise

“In the universe there is an immeasurable, indescribable force which shamans call intent, and absolutely everything that exists in the entire cosmos is attached to intent by a connecting link.” ~Carlos Castaneda

Now that fall is officially here, I am hearing from some folks that they are feeling the seasonal effects. The high “fire” energy of summer is waning, and the more reflective “metal” energy is taking its place. We feel the change in daylight and the cooling of temperatures that occurs in parts of the world.

And yet here we are in the last quarter of the year and we may also be feeling the pressure to get a lot of work done because the end of the year is fast approaching, and we may have miles to go before we meet the goals that we set.

What do you do when you feel some urgency for pushing toward your goals but are running out of gas? If you have set goals, then reaching them must be important to you. Try these steps:

Take pen in hand and ask yourself WHY you want to reach that goal. Write what occurs to you.
If you journal, go back and find entries that pertain to reaching that goal.
Notice the emotions that fueled your desire in the first place. What will it FEEL LIKE to have attained the goal?
Allow yourself to really FEEL the emotions of attaining that goal. Don’t wait! Practice feeling them now!
Set a clear INTENTION right now to achieve that goal. This is very different than just WANTING something that the goal might offer.

For instance I may WANT to get out of debt. I may be worried about the debt, complaining about how unfair it is that I have the debt, feeling hampered by the debt and deeply regretting incurring the debt. I may be whining to beat the band, but not doing a thing about it except maybe daydreaming about winning the lottery.

But if I INTEND to get out of debt, something clearly is going to shift. My emotions change. My focus changes. I am determined to do this, even if I don’t clearly know how to do it yet. Instead of whining and being hopeless and helpless, if I affirm my intention, tools and helpers will begin to occur to me. In turn my behaviors are going to change from spending mode to saving and paying my bills on time mode. If I can practice feeling and affirming my intention every day, sooner or later I will accomplish that goal and be out of debt.

Whether we have personal goals, or business goals or relationship goals, we can fuel ourselves in reaching them by clarifying and affirming our intentions to do so.

The Problem with Avoidance

Posted on September 17, 2010 by JanetEisenbise

“Avoidance isn’t all bad,” he said to me.

“No, I don’t suppose it is, especially if you are talking about scorpions or venomous snakes or black widow spiders,” I replied.

But as a life strategy, it leaves something to be desired. And avoiding “negative” emotions or situations that trigger them doesn’t work in the long run. I’m not sure how they have come to be called “negative,” because they really aren’t. Experiencing them sometimes is unpleasant, but like joy, excitement, and pride, they come to tell us something that we need to know.

And here’s the problem with avoidance as a defense against feeling emotion. We can’t honestly pick and choose which emotions we will allow to register. When we really block feeling, we cut ourselves off from our essential self. Our intellect may be great as a problem solver and strategist, but if we are functioning solely in the logical brain, we are missing the “juice” of life. That which motivates us, rewards us and tells us what we need is missing.

I think it’s important not to mistake the message of Positive Psychology with a love affair with “positive” emotions. The idea is not to package some positive thoughts and smear them on top of the negative thoughts and feelings that we may in the habit of generating.

As humans we need to accept and allow the full range of emotion: joy, anger, sorrow, shame, pride, fear, disgust, and excitement or anticipation. Ironically, we get the opposite effect when we avoid: the emotion or situation that evokes it gets stronger and more problematic. I can’t remember what wise person said, “What we resist persists.”

The psychologist Carl Jung said, “Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word happy would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness. It is far better to take things as they come along with patience and equanimity.”

When we can accept what we are feeling, and accept ourselves for feeling whatever it is, then the tension goes out and the emotional experience is more short-lived. When we can get the message that the emotion brings, we can breathe deeply and allow it to pass.

What can you do if the emotion is persisting and interfering with your life? Perhaps you have an unconscious habit of thought/feeling/behavior that is well practiced and blocking the experiences that you really desire. The Emotional Freedom Technique also known as Meridian Tapping can be a great help. Using acupuncture points on the hands and upper body, EFT is a system that helps release beliefs and emotions that are habitual and cause problems. There is a free e-book available if you click here:

http://tinyurl.com/yfglkjx

Dare to Doubt

Posted on September 13, 2010 by JanetEisenbise

“The beginning of wisdom is found in doubting; by doubting we come to the question, and by seeking we may come upon the truth.” ~Pierre Abelard

It seems to me that being doubtful is generally underrated. As a matter of fact, being doubtful of what you have been told and generally believed, is mighty uncomfortable. And there are plenty of people who have been told that doubting is a bad thing.

Avoiding doubt is one way to stay in your comfort zone. There is no boat rocking if we can hold to the “party line” of what we have been taught. We can be assured of the approval of others and not have to deal with the discomfort of risking the opposite: their disapproval.

And what’s so bad about the comfort zone? We all have them and we all experience a lot of resistance to stepping outside them. This is what makes change so difficult after all.

You can tell that you are stuck in a comfort zone if you have been unable to change some aspect of your life that you really do want to be different. For instance if you have been unable to increase your income level, or change careers, or improve or establish an intimate relationship, or change or improve the state of your health.

Getting out of your comfort zone requires that you change the way you are thinking as well as change what you are doing. This usually requires some doubt about our habitual thought that we believed to be true.

It’s important to recognize that we don’t know what we don’t know. We might be suffering from a “hardening of the attitudes.” What would be the signs that you have fallen prey to such a condition?

Do you observe yourself avoiding discussions of an opposing point of view? Have you read any books or magazines or online material exploring different possibilities than the ones you hold dear? Can you hear the creaking of the hinges of your mind as you open it a little?

If you can dare to doubt, it is possible to open up those areas of your life that have been fixed in place by years of habit. It will require courage on your part because while we are in a state of not knowing, we feel vulnerable. You must risk some mistake making and a willingness to observe and learn for yourself what is true for you.

Ironic but true, not knowing opens the way to discovering your authentic self. It will also bring you to the doorway of a truly creative life.

Change Your Mind with Observation

Posted on July 30, 2010 by JanetEisenbise

The last few posts have been about some elements of Positive Psychology, which I find attractive because when put into use, people benefit by not only living free of pain and suffering, but by learning to be genuinely happy.

We know this is real change, not a figment of anyone’s imagination, because science has developed the technology to see the living, functioning brain. We know that the old neuropathways of thinking-feeling-action can be moved and changed.

In other words, the brain is much more flexible than once thought.

So how can you change your own neuropathways? One effective way is by observing someone else who is already doing what you desire or intend to do.

For instance if what you intend to do is make a complete change of profession or occupation and become a chef, you would observe someone who is a great chef and learn all you can from watching them.

What if you don’t know someone in person who is a chef? You can watch chefs cook by video or on television shows where they demonstrate their techniques.

You can also ask to interview a chef and find out all you can about how s/he learned to cook and what the most important basic techniques are.

You could also check out biographies of great chefs and learn about their lives, habits and best practices. Reading is a great way to immerse you in a new culture or experience without ever leaving home.

I know that some will object to this because they don’t really enjoy reading, don’t have the time, etc. But the importance of reading is undisputed. “Readers are leaders,” as someone once said, and I believe it is true. The smartest, most capable people I know are avid readers.

Reading and listening, watching and observing are powerful agents of change because they help to shift old patterns of belief and behavior. They are methods that will build new pathways in your brain and body.

You can super charge the vision for your new life by using your library card (or getting one if you don’t have it already); go to the biography section or go to the video “how to” section and surround yourself with new ideas of those who are already achieving what you intend.