Remembering

Posted on September 11, 2011 by JanetEisenbise

In preparing a post for this weekend, I confess to feeling some ambivalence. In light of the 10^th anniversary of the attacks on the World Trade Center, the Pentagon and the attempt that was foiled on Washington DC, writing about goals, successful living and positive psychology seem amiss. But writing about the terrorist events and all the losses involved is daunting too.

There no doubt will be many wiser and more inspiring words said. But as I have been thinking about it for the past week, one point popped out at me. We all got a graphic and horrifying reminder that life is unpredictable and we have very little control over events that occur. We don’t like to recognize how vulnerable we are.

That being said, it is also true that each of us has untapped potential, as well as unclaimed personal power. I’m not talking about aggression, which unfortunately often is confused with personal power. But rather I am thinking of the abilities, gifts and resilience that is a part of each person. When we accept ourselves and our responsibility to make the most of what we have, we are empowered.

And it seems to me that one of the messages of September 11 is that sometimes life is short, and that time is precious.

I believe that we have the responsibility to make the most of it. One thing that we can resolve from the experiences of September 11 is to commit to our continued growth and to take action that will express ourselves as the kind of human beings we intend to be. Maybe most of all, the message is to pay attention to where we are every day. Not to think of ourselves as some never ending rehabilitation project, but to be fully present, accepting and grateful.

We can notice and celebrate the most simple and beautiful and commonplace things that are a part of everyday life. Beauty surrounds us; we can see it, breathe it in and love it and know that we are a part of it. Love your life and treat it with the reverence and celebration that it deserves. That is the best memorial for September 11 that could be.

Ending Procrastination: No Time like the Present

Posted on September 1, 2011 by JanetEisenbise

“The secret to getting ahead is getting started.” ~Sally Berger~

Procrastination is the bane of existence for those who set goals for their lives. Productivity is an important factor for most of us. Your livelihood may depend on producing products or processing information or offering services to people who pay for them. We tend to feel better when we are doing something worthwhile. And we seem to be naturally designed to want to be “getting somewhere.”

If you have the opportunity to observe a growing baby or toddler, you can see this natural inclination in action. From morning to night they are in motion. Reaching, grasping, crawling, pulling themselves up on furniture, they are constantly developing skills which lead them to the next level of ability. They don’t need to be told to set goals or how to do that. Remove what might be harmful to them, and watch them go.

What happens to quell this enthusiasm and energy?

We absorb messages from the important adults in our lives. Being told to “be careful,” often translates to “be fearful.” We may be discouraged by criticism and other experiences that undermine our confidence. Sometimes they are collective family or cultural messages such as “We’re not good at math/managing money/music/school “etc. Or “Girls/Boys don’t ______.” You can fill in the blank. Feeling embarrassed by being placed in the Sparrows reading group as opposed to the Robins may imprint a powerful limiting belief. (No first grader is fooled by those names!)

As you go through life practicing those beliefs with the emotions that are triggered by them, and then the behaviors that go along with them, they become second nature to you. And you act accordingly. They become part of your unconscious beliefs and your personae.

When you are called upon to do something new that challenges these beliefs, fear will undoubtedly pop up. And even if the new project or goal is your idea and you felt very enthusiastic when you chose it, there is resistance to it. You really want to start exercising, but you find yourself dawdling. Maybe it’s too hot or too cold, or you could use a better pair of shoes. Or maybe you’ll start tomorrow.

What to do to help yourself? We know that self blame and criticism won’t help any more than it did in the first place. If your Inner Critic is harping at you, it just keeps reinforcing that limiting belief! So stop it! Really, tell yourself to stop it and change the subject. Practice a new thought or move onto an activity that is small and a step toward what you want to accomplish.

There are tools available to you to reprogram your unconscious mind. When you are in a relaxed state (and this will take practice) and you focus your mind on the positive change you wish to make, working on that goal becomes much easier and less stressful.

Hypnosis is one such tool. Hypnosis is simply allowing your body and mind to relax and focusing on your intended result. There is nothing dangerous about it. You probably go into trance many times throughout the day. Driving a car along a familiar route is one very common experience in which we experience trance. Have you arrived at your destination, but don’t really remember anything after you started out? You were focused on something else. We are in a trance state when first awakening from sleep. Or when doing any task that is so familiar that you don’t have to think about it.

Hypnosis simply directs your attention to something you want to believe or achieve. And when done by a skilled psychological practitioner, it can be highly effective. The hypnotist will suggest the changed thoughts, but you are always in charge. No one can be hypnotized against their will or convinced of something they don’t believe in. Movies and television have lots of dramatic suggestions that color our ideas about it, but those aren’t really factual.

The best resource that I have found and used and recommend is The Hypnosis Network. All of the products they offer are done by well-seasoned clinical practitioners. Whether your goal is to have greater self confidence, better resilience, suffer fewer headaches, lose weight, stop smoking or to end procrastination and be more productive, hypnosis is a great tool to use.

Removing the negative and limiting beliefs about you will go a long way to ending procrastination. Being productive and achieving what you want in your life, whatever that is, will lead to a happier, healthier and more fulfilling life.

Imagination and Authentic Happiness

Posted on July 22, 2011 by JanetEisenbise

“You can’t depend on your eyes when your imagination
is out of focus.” ~Mark Twain~

There’s a lot to be said for keen eyesight. One of my cohorts at breakfast this morning commented when her cell phone rang that she needed “a younger pair of eyes” to see the small digits on the caller ID. After passing a certain age (sooner than you think!) you may be reaching for those little reading glasses to read your cell phone or order from the menu.

As frustrating as that may be, we are more often plagued by a different type of focusing problem. And our happiness may well depend on sharpening it. Our imagination is sometimes called “the mind’s eye,” a term that I like for its descriptiveness.

Positive Psychology is known for identifying a person’s strengths and then building upon them. And in Positive Psychology circles, you will hear much mention of authentic happiness. Maybe best defined as your “inner state,” as opposed to fleeting moments of excitement or anticipation of some event, thing or person outside ourselves that pleases us.

We’re all familiar with that kind of happiness because it is what keeps us looking for the next best shiny object to buy or follow or seduce. As long as that person or object is pleasing us, we think we are happy. But it doesn’t last long, and then we’re off to find the next one. Some people never stop chasing and hoping for the next best thing. And of course are repeatedly disappointed or broke or both.

What’s wrong with this picture?

It doesn’t address the deeper needs of you as a human being. Authentic happiness, although elusive to define, has much more to do with how you feel about yourself (proud or ashamed), whether you feel that your life has purpose, how much you are engaged in your work and your life, whether you feel connected to other people or not, whether most of the time you consider yourself to be in a good mood or not. And also whether you deem yourself to be a success or not. Do you feel the world is better off for having you in it?

Another way to think about it is whether you are pleased with your general state of well being. Do you have enough energy to do what is important to you? Do you live in pain, or do you have relatively little pain? (I mean emotional as well as physical pain).

If in your estimation, you are generally lacking in one or more of these areas, you may well invest some time and resources in changing your life. And you are going to need your mind’s eye or imagination to do it. And whether you realize it or not, you are already using it…to either good effect or bad.

You may be wondering just what your inner vision or imagination has to do with this. When we’re unhappy we usually are much better at saying what we DON’T want instead of what we DO want. If that’s the case for you, then go with it. Write down what you DON’T want, and then write its opposite, and you will see more clearly what you DO want in your life. Or what kind of human being you DO want to be.

After seeing more clearly what you DO value or desire, then ask yourself “What will I be doing, feeling, being when I achieve __________?” Take some time with this step. Create the picture, or better yet, a mental movie. For instance, when you are having a closer relationship with your spouse, where will you be? What will you be doing? What emotions will you be feeling? Really allow yourself to fully feel those emotions, just as you would if you were watching your favorite movie.

Remember, your unconscious mind cannot tell that it is watching a movie, either in a theater or in your mental theater! And while your conscious mind knows that you are sitting in your living room with your eyes closed imagining this, the real powerhouse for driving your motivation and indeed your life, is your unconscious mind!

Just as with your physical eyes, your mind’s eye or imagination, will guide you on your path. If you want to have a happier life or be a healthier person, this inner vision must be clear. Know what you are shooting for by clarifying the target. And if you are imagining what you are afraid of and do not want, then STOP IT! Really, stop it and refocus on what you DO intend. Keep practicing until your vision is sharp and clear, and then keep practicing.

Fanning the Flame

Posted on December 14, 2010 by JanetEisenbise

Holly Berries

Today we have a guest post from blogger Amy Rizzo who writes about the power of creativity. Hope you enjoy it, and feel free to comment.

Six months after our daughter was born, our first, I finally felt like I had a handle on things. We were slowly developing a general schedule, the laundry pile was decreasing faster than it was growing, and I could think beyond diapers and breast-feeding. It was an amazing time.

And I was going insane.

I believe the phrase I actually used, in a tearful phone call to my mother, was “pit of despair.” I had all these amazing gifts in my life; a darling new baby, a helpful and caring husband, the long-held dream of being a stay-at-home-mom, yet I was losing my mind. The one thing that I never had time for anymore was nurturing my creative self. In my drive to master the new skills of being a mother, I had sacrificed the Creative Me.

Now I’m no great painter or sculptor or other artist whose work you would brave New York City traffic to see in an exhibit. But I have a creative urge inside me just like every other person on this planet. I contend that when we were given souls by God or the Universe or Nature or whatever you choose to believe, we were given the spark of creativity, an inclination that we can choose to stifle and ignore or a gift that we can nurture to envelope us with warmth and love and appreciation.

“Oh pooh!” you say. “I’m not a creative person. Besides, I’m too busy with _____ (feel free to fill this space with: work, family, church, pets, email, twitter, etc.) to do _____ (fill this space with a preposterous, your word not mine, creative idea: paint, draw, sketch, cook, take a class, dance, sew, knit, write, etc.)”

Well, I’m here to contradict you, my friend. In fact, I dare you to challenge this stifling notion that is keeping you stuck in the same-old, same-old. I guarantee that if you spend one hour a day, (you can gain this time merely by turning off the TV or shutting of the computer for an hour) just one hour following a creative pursuit, all sorts of things are going to shift.

They’re going to shift for the better. I’ll give you an example. I love to write. The act of placing words on paper makes my heart soar, but it’s often the last thing on my very long To Do List. However, when I give myself that one hour of writing time, more if I’m lucky, the rest of my daily responsibilities ease. Oh they’re still there alright, but they don’t feel as pressing. Or rather, I don’t feel as stressed out by them. I’m present for the small gifts of my everyday existence, and I can fully appreciate the many blessings in my full life. Just because I gave myself that one hour of creative pursuit.

It doesn’t have to be drastic. Take a sketch pad with you on your lunch break. Sign up for a one-day art class. Give yourself time to peruse the latest showing at an art gallery. Even something as simple as looking through a camera lens can reveal textures and colors that would make Salvador Dali proud.

All it takes is one simple action to fan the creative spark within that will color your life in unforgettable ways.

Read Amy Rizzo’s Blog at http://creativespace.typepad.com/creativespace/

When Willingness Leads to Change

Posted on October 18, 2010 by JanetEisenbise

Today I had the privilege of working with three different clients who are very engaged in the process of life change. They don’t know each other; their situations are all different. They all expressed different needs and desires in the beginning of their coaching and therapy processes.

Although they are very different in personality and life situation, they have a few characteristics in common. And because of that, they are progressing and at times amazing in what they are learning about themselves.

I say I am privileged, because there are times when I am awed and grateful to be witness and “midwife” in this work. The resiliency of the human spirit amazes me. And our ability to heal, learn and reach our dreams is a beautiful and inspiring thing to witness. Today was one of those days.

What are these characteristics?

They are risk takers in that they are willing to try new thoughts and behaviors.
They seek out feedback and are willing to listen and consider, even when that isn’t easy.
They are willing to consider that what annoys them the most in other people just might be a problem of their own.
They have stopped blaming others for their pain and accepted responsibility for themselves.
They are willing to develop an awareness of an inner life in search of their own guidance and direction.
In developing new strength, they are able to be vulnerable enough to express formerly well hidden and protected thoughts and feelings and behaviors to the people who matter most to them.

The key I think is to be willing. We don’t know how or when or why the change we desire is going to occur. But we don’t have to know those things. We DO have to have a willingness to allow ourselves to be vulnerable.

Please don’t confuse this with weakness or victimization. We must have strength to be vulnerable. Vulnerable means allowing ourselves to be receptive; to be expressive of something that feels true as well as risky. In order to change those old patterns of belief and behavior, we must allow ourselves to be vulnerable.

We don’t have to do this perfectly (thank God). We just have to be willing.

Tis the Season

Posted on September 16, 2010 by JanetEisenbise

…for Seasonal Affective Disorder, that is. Although by now I know this is coming (after all, it is near the vernal equinox and the daylight is getting shorter by the day) I was a bit taken aback when the characteristic “brain fog” descended with a vengeance yesterday.

You may have heard of SAD or be wondering what it is. Basically, it is a clinical depression which is brought about by too little natural sunlight. It is probably more common and untreated than we know.

Very frequently when I ask a client who has intermittent problems with depression, whether they notice an onset of it, or worsening of the symptoms in fall and winter, they will often say yes. Here are some common symptoms. See if you recognize some or all of them.

feelings of fatigue or lack of energy
lack of motivation
irritability
problems concentrating
forgetfulness
feeling blue, sad or discouraged
helplessness and hopelessness
carbohydrate craving or loss of appetite
problems with sleep, either insomnia or wanting to sleep all day
loss of interest in things that usually appeal to you

Continue reading →

The Power of Gratitude

Posted on September 2, 2010 by JanetEisenbise

White Iris

It may seem to be a paradox that we work on meeting goals in order to change lives and at the same time aim to be happy and contented now. Look ahead to the life we intend to create, while being mindful and present to where we are right now.

It is easy to fall into the trap of complaint, criticism and discontent when we compare where we are with where we wish to be. I was listening to John talk about the financial mess that he faced in the aftermath of a bad relationship. He was looking at a large credit card debt that he and his girlfriend had accumulated as well as loans that he had given her which he would likely never see returned.

It was quite a pile of rubble that was left from the choices that he had made, and he sorely regretted having made them. He was going to have to take some drastic measures to prevent even further losses since paying his mortgage and a car payment was difficult. And the creditors were calling.

As you might expect, he was feeling sad, angry and afraid. And it didn’t help that he was continually berating himself for being so stupid as to have gotten into the situation. He was deeply ashamed.

You might wonder if John would have to wait to feel better until after he had met his goals of cleaning up his debt and getting back on his feet again. The answer is no. And if he continues to berate himself and cause more internal negativity, achieving anything is going to be extremely difficult, if not impossible.

Here is where the power of gratitude comes in. Paying attention to what is going right in your life makes all the difference. And yes, no matter how huge the pile of rubble from the past is, there are things to be grateful for. This may sound too optimistic to be believed, but bear with me.

If you are willing to be mindful of what is present to you NOW, you may notice small but important things that you have tuned out as you worry and stew. It may be the beauty of nature, or the existence of your life and health. Perhaps the kindness of someone you encounter, or some quality within you that you appreciate. If you look and are willing to ask, there is help at hand, and we can always be grateful for that.

The “first aid” assignment that I gave John was to write a gratitude list every day, preferably at the beginning and end of the day. After awakening, he was asked to think about those things and to breathe deeply and to FEEL gratitude. He could observe that he felt more energetic and happy and that getting on with the tasks of the day was much easier.

This has been a spiritual discipline of mine for many years, and I recommend it to you. Something simple yet powerful, expressing gratitude shifts our thoughts to the positive. And since we become what we think about most, and bring into being what our thoughts are focused on, it can be a small step that will change your life.