It’s “beautiful December,” and if you are feeling anxious, you must know that you are not alone!
When the holidays roll around, so do emotions of every kind. It is certainly a time when many feel nostalgic for the “old times.” Sometimes those memories are sweet or even bittersweet. And even when those past experiences were disappointing or painful, remembering them brings up the same potent feelings.
Since most of us celebrate Thanksgiving, Christmas or Hanukah with family and friends, the quality and nature of those relationships color our emotions and the memories of the past. If the relationships were loving and close, those memories warm us. And if they weren’t, there is sometimes a sadness or bitterness that accompanies thoughts of the coming days.
For those whose primary focus is spiritual or religious, there is a deep connection with this season. It becomes a time of reflection and meaning and awe. Sharing it in community with family and others then is something to look forward to and to treasure.
Hardly anyone is immune to the secular pressures of the Christmas season in particular. After all, the stores were decorated before Halloween had passed, and the ads are running on every possible venue. My mailbox is glutted with more catalogs every year, some from companies I have never heard of. I wish they would put the recycle bin next to the mailbox, and save me from carting them off! The few magazines I subscribe to are aglow with beautiful pictures of decorated living rooms, handmade ornaments and gifts galore. Not to mention more menus and recipes than I could cook in a lifetime.
The comments that I am hearing from clients I work with are often that they feel anxious about the weeks ahead. You may relate.
- There is too much to do! Activities to attend, entertaining to do, events to participate in or to attend.
- Meeting the expectations of family and friends provokes tension. Young adults who have their own families find it exhausting to get to every family gathering and worry about disappointing someone if they don’t. Coping with fretful and overwhelmed children is a part of that.
- Buying gifts while not wreaking havoc with the budget or the credit card balance is often a big problem. Decisions made prior to Christmas may bring regret in January when the piper must be paid.
- Perfectionism rears its ugly head! Those images ranging from Normal Rockwell to Martha to toy ads on television are seared into our brains, and they are impossible to live up to. If we are hung up on needing to “do it right,” then we are doomed to be anxious.
- Finding a balance between the spiritual, social and secular can be very difficult!
Of course there are degrees of anxiety that we may be experiencing. For some there are severe, truly unpleasant symptoms of panic. If you would describe yourself as an anxious person in June or October, then the strength of your anxious symptoms is likely going to be cranked up. Even if you wouldn’t categorize yourself as especially anxious the rest of the year, but are now, here are some tips for you:
- Begin by deciding what you truly desire for the holiday. It may be easier to clarify this by making a list first of what you DO NOT WANT. For example you might list gaining ten pounds; or feeling exhausted and irritated; or spending more than X amount of money; or wrapping presents all night on Christmas Eve; or putting up the beat up hand-me-down artificial tree that your mother gave you after she couldn’t sell it at her yard sale ten years ago.
- Go through this list, crossing off each item and beside it write a second list of what you DO DESIRE. That list might include keeping your weight to no more than 5 pounds higher; getting to bed on time and taking time outs when you need them; planning ahead and limiting gift buying to a specific amount; wrapping gifts simply and ahead of time; decorating in a way that pleases you.
- Make sure that you choose and schedule activities that are really meaningful to you and your family. Keep that list short. It may include hearing music or attending a holiday program or performing a volunteer service or baking cookies together.
- Be assertive with friends and family about your choices. Most everyone will understand an “I statement” of what you are choosing. For instance, “I have decided to host a potluck dinner (everyone brings a dish) instead of exchanging gifts this year. Would you like to come?”
- If you find that your anxiety has reached a heated pitch, and you experience panic attacks, then help is at hand. Click here for access to a terrific product that will certainly change your life in the New Year.