Keeping the Social in Social Media

 

Generally this blog is about the psychology of being human, and in to provide some help in making changes to become the best humans we can be.  I enjoy sharing resources and experiences of people I know as well as my own. After all, we’re all on this road together. On a good day maybe readers can gain a bit of Positive Psychology or increase their EQ or Emotional Intelligence.

Sometimes I do comment on events in the news, or on cultural developments that gradually affect us all, sooner or later.  There isn’t any doubt that one of the most profound technical developments, next to the personal computer, is the proliferation of social media. Every aspect of our lives are being shaped by it whether it is keeping in touch with friends, families and co-workers; business and commercial or political influences.

There are lots of jokes about Tweeters telling their followers about the great triple latte they are drinking. And Facebook has provided a forum for sharing everything from the ridiculous to the sublime and everything in between. I have colleagues that are very skilled at developing business connections on Linked In. And of course the list goes on.

When I first joined the Facebook contingent, I intended it more as a business tool.  And I do have business connections on it and find helpful in keeping up with the publishing aspect of my business. But what is probably more rewarding and interesting to me are the friends and acquaintances that have formed a sort of “net” of community and commentary. I have reconnected with childhood friends and relatives that live at a distance, most still living in the part of the country where I grew up, and I love hearing from them.

I confess to also liking silly cat pictures and the occasional funny video of someone’s dog bringing in the mail or howling with the toddler. Pictures of new babies, friends’ kids and grandkids are precious and provide a way of keeping up with family developments. I seldom post pictures because I am technically challenged and am too lazy to figure it out. It’s a trick that my grown children haven’t taught me yet.

It’s interesting to me how varied the opinions and perspectives are. Sometimes those opinions get pretty heated, especially around election time.  And of course political and religious views continue to be posted, along with the suggestion that “friends” click on the “Like” button.

I am a defender of the right to free speech that is outlined in the Bill of Rights. So just as I think that a man has the right to wear his drawers drooping off his behind, but wish he wouldn’t, so it is that I think everyone has a right (unless it is harming someone) to post what they want.  But sometimes I really wish they wouldn’t.

This morning when I checked out Facebook and saw two consecutive posts made by a distant friend, I had that same reaction. The first one was one I have seen before from a page entitled something like “wanting to hit people on the side of the head.” It advocates making drug testing mandatory for welfare recipients; the reader could click “Like” if they agreed. The second post was a picture that was followed by a message to click “Like” if they followed Jesus.

Is it just me or is this at least ironic if not offensive? It promotes a stereotype of poor people that is a tad shocking if not ignorant of the facts.  Could we force the lawmakers who would draft and pass such a bill also be subjected to mandatory drug testing? Many of the drug addicts I have treated over the years were well educated, professionals, none of whom were on welfare. Addiction is a painful and awful affliction, and no class or group of people is exempt.

Then to follow that post with another one about following Jesus is really too much. Is there some newly discovered, mean-spirited and hateful addendum to the Gospels that I don’t know about? Was there a mis-translation of “God is Love?”  1 John 4:8, if you want to look it up. I don’t remember a reference to Jesus hitting anyone on the head.  Is the Son of Man suddenly a member of a political party, or promoting a particular agenda? I could have sworn that the message of love and forgiveness is available to every human, regardless of race, creed or financial circumstances.

Americans in particular seem fond on invoking the Almighty’s favor and applying it to our favorite causes or passions. In the process, we shape God in our image. We seem to think that whether we are waging war or a football game, He is on OUR side. This never made any sense to me, although I understand the temptation. My theology doesn’t include a god who prefers blondes over brunettes or jerseys that are blue instead of orange. I can’t believe that certain people are excluded because of their race, nationality or lifestyle or because they face East to pray instead of West. And I don’t believe that our bombs are blessed.

Of course this is my perspective, and I will respect your right to express yours as well.  As a friend of mine would say, it’s all grist for the mill. And it’s what keeps the conversation, as well as life, interesting. I am happy to read your comments.

Fear, the Frequent Companion

“I have accepted fear as a part of life – specifically the fear of change.
I have gone ahead despite the pounding in the heart that says: Turn back!”
~ Erica Jong ~


This morning I was listening to Ellen talk about her frustrations in feeling “stuck” for the past few weeks. She is starting a new business, has completed the training required and has the credentials in hand that she needs. Although it is different than what she has been doing, it is closely enough related that she can make use of her old network of contacts. She has made a business plan, worked with a mentor, but now finds herself stopped in her tracks.

She not only isn’t taking action on her business plan, but she has been avoiding exercise, her journal or most other self care activities that she usually does. The worst part she said is that she can’t figure out what is stopping her. She then went on about ways in which she is afraid she can’t measure up to the “successful” people in the field who seem to be having miraculous night-and-day changes from their old lives.

Ah yes, those night and day fantasies. I recognize them!

Have you had those fantasies too? Sales copy is full of appeals to our imagining that we too can be delightfully (and forever) happy if we just buy the right designer bridal gown. Or that completing a course of study will land you in clover and you’ll be happily employed for a lifetime. Or that if you would just take off the extra 40 pounds you will find your soul mate…probably the next day. Or that buying the BMW (or Lexus or …fill in the blank) will convince your neighbors that you are Mr. or Ms.Success.

I’m sure at some point we have all “bought the Lexus” so to speak. I know I have. At least in theory. I have certainly embarked on some ventures that had me brimming with enthusiasm at first. But there is something about taking the first steps in that new venture that brought me up short. Did I really know what I was doing? I was of two minds about it. Sure I researched it; studied up on it; read about or talked with people who had gone before me. I even had some semblance of a plan. But did I feel ready?

And sure enough, soon I have one of those dreaded “awakened bolt upright” in bed (what IS it about 3:00 AM?!) that has me regretting that I took Ben and Jerry off my grocery list. Eating an apple for comfort just doesn’t cut it. But I digress.

Shortly after deciding to go into private practice, I awoke, heart pounding, from a dream in which I was driving my car from the back seat. I was headed to Kansas to visit my grandmother, and I couldn’t find the right direction. In fact the dream car was swerving all over the road. It didn’t take a lot of lengthy interpretation to see what that was about.

Was my confidence a shoddy cover up for what was really going on? Not really, but the effect of the dream was to awaken me to the fear that I felt about having less control over the outcome that I imagined (and was trying to convince myself of). And what if I was going in the wrong direction? Had I lost my ability to find my way back to Kansas (the values or what was important to me) or “home?”

The upshot of all this was that I did open my practice. And I also discovered that feeling fear was just a part of it. Every important change in life seems to be accompanied by fear. There is no getting around it. Life seems to have a way of showing us that despite our planning and machinations, that we really have control of very little. And maybe some fear serves a useful purpose. Sometimes we need a cautionary note to slow us down and think through a decision. To consider the possible consequences. On the other hand, we must avoid going to the extreme of treating the fear as if it is REAL. And by that I mean that fear is a feeling that we get when we are embarking into new territory, but the story we are telling ourselves that fuels the fear is not a FACT.

An excellent approach to clearing fear out of the way is to use EFT or meridian tapping. You can access one source for it by clicking on the widget in the right hand column of this blog.

One of the best books on the subject is one by Dr. Barbara Jeffers entitled, Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway. And that title sums it up, I think. Use the frequent companion of fear to explore the options, but don’t let it stop you. Taking action toward a life change you desire will certainly evoke fear, but moving along step by step will build your confidence and eventually conquer it.

 

Lessons from Nursery School

“We are free to choose our actions, but we are not free to choose the consequences of these actions.”
― Stephen R. Covey

 

There is a game category on a popular NPR show called, “Things I would have learned in school if I had been paying attention.” It is sometimes disconcerting to hear answers to those questions which would seem to indicate that maybe I wasn’t paying enough attention.

My grand-daughter, Anna Grace, has begun her school career by attending a nursery school class for three-year-olds. It seems to me that the main purpose at that early age is to begin to tame the savage impulses and get the children to cooperate in a group. Not being the most compliant soul you ever met, she has had some lessons to learn, some more difficult than others.

The first was that her teacher frowned on her merrily racing away to the far corner of the playground when the class lined up to go inside from recess, and then dashing away as the teacher came after her in hot pursuit. (And since it was fall in the South, I’m sure it literally was hot pursuit). Another lesson was that it is not permissible to give a girl a shove, even if she did push you first. And it also isn’t okay to jump in line ahead of someone even when you say “excuse me” before you elbow them out of your way.

Her teachers use a method that I admire, which is to encourage the children to think about their actions and slow down the automatic impulses. They ask, “Do you think that was a good decision?” And the child has time to consider that they DID make a choice and what the outcome of that choice was. Tying together behavior and consequences…something that continues to be a life-long challenge for some.

The other day Anna Grace and her mom were going to take the dog out for his morning walk, and she wanted to bring Scout, a stuffed dog along. As they went through the neighborhood, Anna Grace asked to hold Mudslide, the greyhound’s leash. Her mom said that would be okay until they got to the end of the sidewalk and then she would take the leash back, because the street was nearby.

They proceeded to the end of the sidewalk, her mother took the leash back, and Anna Grace began to protest. She was clearly not ready to give up the leash. When her mother insisted, she started to cry and yell, and threw Scout down on the ground and stomped a few steps away.

Her mother (calmly), “Pick up Scout and come on.”

A.G. (yelling), “No, Mommy! I am so mad at you! YOU pick him up!”

Her mother scoops up Scout, Anna Grace and marches them and Mudslide back to the house and informs Anna Grace that she will have a time out. They get inside, Anna Grace still yelling, and she is deposited on the stairs in her time-out place to get herself collected.

Her mother asks, “Do you think that what you did out there was a good decision?”

Anna Grace (with renewed fury), “I am still so MAD at you Mommy!  I don’t WANT to make decisions!”

When I heard this story I chuckled but could understand her sentiments.  I don’t always like making decisions either. Or more to the point, I don’t like having to be accountable and deal with all the consequences of those decisions!

But one thing that I learned in school (and in the “School of Life”) is that we indeed are responsible for the consequences that we set in motion with our decisions, whether we thought about them in advance, or even intended them, or not.

And, like any three or four year old, most of those decisions are decided on the basis of our emotions. In many cases, our rational thinking is brought in later to justify or explain why we made that choice, after the fact. You can be sure that the red convertible being shown by the model in the mini skirt is not being purchased primarily for its fuel economy!

Or watch a home shopping channel for 15 minutes if you want to see the hypnotic emotional spell being cast over viewers who have their credit cards out to purchase items that suddenly they “need” but would never have thought of before sitting down to watch.

Everyone has likely had the experience of saying something in an argument that they later regret or felt embarrassed by. Who hasn’t regretted making a callous remark about someone or to someone who didn’t deserve the unkindness?

When we are stressed we are especially prone to make poor decisions. We are less likely to think things through, and more likely to strike out or act out on angry or desperate impulses. Whether we like to admit it or not, we are responsible and as such, need to make amends or clean up the mess.  And being human, we can have the grace to forgive someone else as well as ourselves.

Perhaps it is from the perspective of age that it occurred to me the other day that our lives are a sum total of the decisions that we have made. True, sometimes events happen to us that we cannot control. I’m not suggesting that we are to blame (ugly word, I think) for everything that happens. But even in those difficult or impossible to control circumstances and events, we go on making decisions about what to do and eventually, what those events mean to us.

Some people are amazingly resilient; they recover and live rich and full lives. Others become embittered or apathetic and give up or live reduced lives. Whichever path we choose, we ultimately are responsible for what we have made of the talents and resources we are given.

If you are not happy with yours, I recommend that you work on forgiveness and free yourself to change your life in ways that are meaningful and pleasing to you. After all, the choices really are in your hands.

“I am not a product of my circumstances. I am a product of my decisions.”
~Stephen Covey~

The Bitter Bank

“You can’t have a better tomorrow if you’re thinking about yesterday all the time.”
~Charles F. Kettering~

Joan was described by her family members as someone who never forgot a thing that was ever done to her.  If harsh words were spoken during an argument, Joan could recite what offended her years later.  Her brother argued with her during the last election, and Joan still wasn’t speaking to him. Joan was certain that her mother had disliked her and treated her siblings much better, and she admitted that she experienced frequent bouts of depression as she replayed scenes that had been particularly painful to her.  Her husband had forgotten her birthday one year and she would berate him for it when they argued, which was getting to be more frequent. He had sincerely apologized to Joan, but even though she said she accepted it, she still brought the incident up.

Joan has a Bitter Bank, and her account is quite full.

Do you? Many people have a large catalogue of past hurts and painful experiences that they drag around with them. Some are more than willing to tell you about them. Some wear them like a badge of identity. And then some are very quiet about their “Bitter Bank balance,” even though they are preoccupied by it. You may recognize these folks for their chronically unhappy or angry demeanor.

Some other signs of a full Bitter Bank may be a frequent use of sarcasm, hiding behind humor while delivering a verbal knife through the ribs to someone else; frequent sighing; passive aggressive behavior such as “forgetting” appointments  or agreements with others; frequent and inappropriate references to the painful past; arguments about the same themes that never get resolved; self destructive habits or relationships that repeat the same patterns over and over again; repeated “hobby horse” rants that go on and on about the same theme. As you may guess, it is common for Bitter Bank account holders to suffer from depression, or anxiety as well as strained and broken relationships.

If you recognize yourself as a Bitter Bank owner, please read on.  This is not just unpleasant for you and for the relationships in your life. Holding onto bitterness is hazardous to your health!

Have you noticed how much time and attention you are giving to these resentful thoughts and scenarios?  If you’re waking up in the night and recounting your grudges and grievances, then it’s too much. If you hear yourself complaining frequently about being treated badly or of past abuses, it is taking up a lot of space in your head!  If you have emotional replays in your mind of “what I SHOULD have said or done, then it’s too much.

Once I was approached by a salesperson that was representing a rehab facility and introduced himself as a childhood sex abuse survivor.  I was shocked that such a personal and painful disclosure was the first thing he told me about himself.

And recently on a social media site I was contacted by a woman whose entire online identity is build around the experience of her husband cheating on her. Nothing like making your wounds into a name tag.

The danger of all this negative focus is that it keeps reinforcing to yourself and to others that you are a helpless victim.  Victims have no power, no responsibility and no real impetus to change anything. What happened to them is someone else’s fault, and the more we hammer the point and relive the painful occurrences and repeat our beliefs that this SHOULD NOT HAVE HAPPENED, the more solidly we believe ourselves to be victims. This practice will fill your Bitter Bank, and harm your life.

What to do? Denying your pain is not the answer. You do need to acknowledge what happened and to allow yourself to feel the emotion connected with it.  In other words you need to let the feelings be as big as they are. Notice in the front of your body (not your head and extremities) where the emotion registers.  Is your throat tight? Is there a lump? Is your chest heavy or tight? Does your stomach have a knot? Or does your abdomen feel tight?

Focus on that spot, and breathe in through your mouth.  As you exhale allow your body to relax if you can. Continue breathing and give yourself permission to feel it fully by asking “Can I feel this fully?”  You may find yourself thinking, “Hell no!” which is okay.  Don’t resist it or “try to get rid of it.” Acknowledge the feeling and continue to breathe. Ask “Could I release it?” If your answer to that is NO, that’s okay. Just continue to breathe and let it be.

As you repeat the exercise, the answer to “Can I release it?” will be followed by “If not now, then when?”  Sooner or later, you will give yourself permission to release it. That does not mean that you are denying what happened.  It just means that you are willing to release your tension and stress about what happened. This is a variation on a well-known program called The Sedona Method.

Another approach, which I frequently reference, is The Tapping Solution.  It is very effective in releasing negative emotions and clearing the way for positive change in your life.

You are ready to shift your focus from what has wounded you to something else.  I suggest a second practice that will aid you in improving your health and happiness. And that is to focus on gratitude by writing a gratitude list, at least one time a day.  It sounds simple, and it is.  Nevertheless, naming the things that you appreciate and are grateful for has been shown to have great benefits. Don’t forget to include yourself on that list!

Emptying your Bitter Bank is the first step in the process of forgiveness, about which we will be writing future blog posts. Often forgiveness is considered a spiritual matter, and it is. But in a holistic sense, it also concerns us psychologically and physically. When we learn to practice it, our health and happiness take a big turn for the better!

 

Stop Complaining!

To change ourselves effectively, we first had to change our perceptions.” 
~Stephen Covey~

With the beginning of the New Year, many of us have some new resolutions in mind.  Or maybe as I indicated in my last post, some recycled resolutions from the previous years.

While it is important to have the Big Picture in mind, it is only in taking small, consistent steps that we move along on our journey.  So yes, by all means you need to develop your map to your desired destination to better relationships, better health, a different career, financial freedom, or whatever it is.

But don’t get bogged down by overwhelming yourself with a huge task.  Remember that all we have in terms of making life change is this immediate moment:  Right Now.

The first one is to quit complaining.  This one is simple, but not easy.  Chronic complaining is more of an epidemic than Swine Flu, and more toxic in its effects.  Today observe the conversations around you.  Notice how much of the talk in the office or the lunch room, or the television commentary consists of complaining.

Employees complain about the boss.  The wife complains about her husband.  The father complains about his kids.  Everyone complains about the weather.  Both political parties complain about each other.  Citizens complain about congress.

This is a habit of thought.  A bad habit that gets so ingrained that we aren’t even aware that complaining is going on in our own thoughts pretty much all day. Complaining keeps you constantly focused on what is missing in your life. A certain prescription for unhappiness. You do have the ability to observe yourself with curiosity and compassion and notice that you are complaining.

So what’s so bad about this, you may be asking.  Here are some of the negative effects of this mental habit:

  •  Thoughts create emotions.  We create our emotional states by patterns of thinking, in large part.  Complaining thoughts create irritation, annoyance and anger.  Not a great way to go through the day.
  •  Complaining keeps our attention focused on what’s wrong.  When we complain about our family members, we stay focused on what’s wrong with them, not their positive qualities.  What we pay attention to gets bigger.  After awhile all we can see and acknowledge is what irritates us.  And we get more and more of it!
  •  Complaining creates helplessness and hopelessness, the hallmarks of depression.  We become victims and present ourselves as victims to others.  We give up our power to the persons or situations that we complain about.
  •  Complaining lays the groundwork for our excuses.  If my boss is an unreasonable ogre or the bureaucracy that I work in is “run by a bunch of idiots,” then nothing that happens is my responsibility.  What’s the point of asserting myself?  Why take action to change anything?  I can just stay there and complain.  And believe me, I will find a lot of company in a lunch room full of complainers.
  •  By complaining, we create a state of stress within ourselves.  The effects of stress on our health are well documented as one of the biggest underlying threats to body/mind and relationships.  We get depressed, anxious; develop inflammation in joints, blood vessels and organs, which is the pathway to disease.
  •  Complaining blocks our way to creative solutions.  When you check out your thinking in the midst of a complaint, notice how you are making the other guy wrong and yourself right.  You are immediately polarized into fixed positions and therefore unable to be flexible and to perceive the situation in a new light.

When you quit complaining, you will empower yourself to make real change in your life.  You will notice that the quality of your relationships will improve.  You will be less stressed and generally happier because your focus will change to what is possible, not what is impossible and has you trapped.  And most importantly, you will see that the trap that you were in was of your own making, and that escaping it and building the life of your dreams really is possible.

You may be asking, “So how do I change this bad habit?” By doing two things instead of complaining:  interrupt yourself when you notice that you are playing “Ain’t it Awful?” with another person. You know the game…Ain’t it awful that the weather is so cold, or hot, or wet or dry? Ain’t it awful that we aren’t going to get the raise we hoped for? Ain’t it awful that young people today are so disrespectful? Ain’t it awful that my wife nags me about helping out?  When you hear yourself playing this very popular game JUST STOP IT!

The second thing you can do to end this harmful habit is by writing a gratitude list every day. It is impossible to be focused on what you are lacking and complaining about it and also feeling positive and grateful for what is present in your life!  Begin or end every day by writing down the things that you see are going right with your life and the person you are arguing with.

As you make your list, take time to allow yourself to breathe deeply and to really feel grateful! It’s okay if you repeat items the next day. JUST DO IT!

 

Creating: Seeing what Already Exists

“Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn’t go away.” 
~Philip K. Dick~


At the beginning of every new year I hear a running argument about whether making resolutions for change is a waste of time or not. Cynics will maintain that their “good intentions” to lose weight, stick to a budget, etc. is useless because they usually last less than a week.  The more optimistic types will at least plod along, sticking to the practice of resolving or intending to make changes in what is important to them.

Research has found that there is power in clarifying intentions and resolving to make change, regardless of the time of year. In other words, if you intend to make a change in your life and are clear about what that will be like, you are much more likely to succeed at it than if you don’t.

Let’s consider this is a broader way.  As I have pointed out in previous posts, you are creating the life you have whether you are intentional about it, or not. This thought can be a little disturbing if you are unhappy about how things are. It is far easier to point the finger of blame at someone or something else. No need to run through the usual list of excuses; I’m certain that you have heard them all and likely at some point have used them yourself.

Instead I’d like to learn to be a more effective creator, and hopefully you do too.

An essential skill to learn and master in creating the life you desire, is to assess reality, or to see clearly what already exists. This sounds deceptively simple. Just open your eyes and look!

Several years ago I took a course in the fundamentals of drawing at the local art association. Having a life-long interest in art, I have always admired artists and had a hankering to create art myself. And so I arrived at the first class with sketchbook and tools in hand, eager to learn. What I soon discovered was that it is difficult to draw with my hand what my eyes are seeing!

Just as musicians are trained to hear music accurately and to identify it, artists are taught to draw what they see and to do it clearly. In a similar way, we need to develop the skill of viewing reality objectively. You may find this surprisingly tough to do and it may make you squirm. For many, seeing reality is uncomfortable.

We often are taught to view reality in certain ways that our parents, religious and ethnic groups and society in general, prefer. We get messages such as, “Our family always….,” or “Americans are….,” or “Methodists are…” You can insert whatever group name applies. As individuals, we may have gotten messages that we are the smart one, or the pretty one, or the athletic one, or the one who is difficult to get along with. Until we become conscious of it, these hidden beliefs form a kind of lens through which we see reality. Facing this bias and seeing through it can be uncomfortable at first.

If you are in a problem solving mode you may lie to yourself or rationalize the situation in order to feel better. Well meaning friends and family may help you with this, supplying justification or excuses for why things are the way they are. Of course this is not helpful.

What really does help is to ask for some expert assistance in objectively measuring the present situation. If you want to feel more energetic and healthy, then make an appointment with your doctor for a check-up. You may justify your level of blood sugar by saying that you celebrated too much, and that it isn’t that bad. But the numbers from a blood sample will give you a realistic picture. Or rationalizing about your bank account numbers will give way to a realistic picture if you work with a CPA or planner.

Yes, you will have to endure some discomfort.  Deal with those emotions of fear, anger or sadness by writing about them, talking to someone you trust or using EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique). Then take the realistic information you have gathered, touch base with the end goal that you established, and get ready to take action!

You must see clearly what your present situation is and then compare it to where you desire and intend to be. Doing so will be a big boon to energetically moving forward with effective action!  This will move you toward your goals in creating the life you desire. Don’t waste more time. Do it now!

 

Another New Beginning

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” 
H. Jackson Brown Jr.~

 Every year the last days of December prompt at least a superficial evaluation of what happened during the previous year.  We can find magazine issues devoted to the most influential people of the year or history shaping events such as a national election.  And certainly our minds drift to the major news events, as well as the more personal events that mark both positive and negative milestones of our lives.

It might be the birth of a new family member, or a marriage or a divorce or death of someone important to you.  Or a graduation, promotion or retirement that has occurred and that will be life changing on some level.  And then, of course, we may revisit the resolutions that we considered or even committed to at the end of last year.  Did you forget about what you desired after a few weeks or months?  Or are you feeling proud of progress that you made?

I just read an amusing tweet from someone who said she was debating about whether to form her new year’s resolutions or take a nap. Someone replied that she should make a resolution to take more naps.  Which might not be a bad idea when you think about it.  For those who find themselves living on a treadmill of responsibilities at home and more of the same at work, taking breaks can be a big boon to mental and physical health.

It seems that whether the resolution is for changing a bad habit or working harder on something, or improving some element of personal development, most people give up pretty quickly on making changes.  Probably the biggest reasons for this are two-fold:  a lack of clarity for what is motivating this change, (in other words, WHY they are willing to make the change); and making a realistic plan for HOW to achieve the change.

If you don’t stay connected with what is motivating you, and your reasons are not compelling enough to overcome your human, natural resistance to change, then your efforts will likely fizzle out.  Who hasn’t found the weather too cold, your energy level too low, or another “great reason” to put off until tomorrow whatever you have resolved to begin today?  Probably everyone.

There are tips and tools that can shore up your resolve as well as help pave the way to change.  One of the best that I use and recommend is one that you can access at The Tapping Solution, which is a program of EFT or Emotional Freedom Technique.  If you check out the site, you will see an icon that you can click to download a free e-book that nicely explains EFT and how you can apply it in your life.  You will also see a reasonably priced DVD that you can order which is an interesting film of a retreat in which participants from various life situations meet and learn to use the techniques.  My personal favorite is the membership site which has a wealth of products and lessons you can follow, made available by some of the foremost EFT coaches in the world.

It’s easy to be cynical about making substantial changes in your life, and maybe you have felt discouraged by your lack of progress in the past.  However, I would urge you not to give up on living a satisfying and meaningful life.  Support and help is all around you if you open yourself to seeing the possibilities.  Don’t stay stuck in the safety zone of what is comfortable and familiar to you.  You really do deserve to have, be and do better.  Get some support and determine to be in a place you really desire at the end of the coming year!