Category Archives: Uncategorized

Taking the Pressure Off

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You may assume that reaching for a life of your dreams involves setting and working on goals.  That is a frequent subject of the posts in this blog, as well as many books and seminars related to human development.

In studying and practicing the art of life change, I have frequently heard that being specific about what you desire, and establishing a deadline for when you intend to manifest it, are both essential to success.

The problem is that taken to an extreme, these steps can create a lot of pressure.  And the tension that we feel is actually counterproductive.  And they are especially so because they begin to create doubt in our belief that we could possibly succeed.
Here are a couple of things to consider:

1.  We are notoriously awful at accurately predicting what will bring us happiness.  And if, in being specific with descriptive details, we lock ourselves into the one possibility that we can imagine, we are limiting ourselves and eliminating a myriad of other possibilities that we can’t even imagine!

For instance, Joe is looking for a new job.  And a friend has told him of a position that has opened up.  Joe is excited because it is in his field, pays well and sounds just perfect.  He focuses on how much he wants THAT job, and prepares for the interview, hoping and praying that he will get it.  In the meantime, there are many other possibilities that he isn’t even aware of because they are “off his radar.”

As it turns out, he doesn’t get the job he hoped for, and he is angry, disappointed and discouraged.  After he recovers and is back to working on his goal, visualizing success, feeling positive,  he hears someone talking at a party about looking for a contractor to provide technical services.  It includes specialized knowledge and a skill set that Joe just acquired through a certification course that he took over a year ago.   It pays way more per hour than he has ever received and he has all the equipment he needs to work from home.

Joe is thrilled and amazed at how this opportunity just “fell in his lap.”  He’s really happy that he didn’t get that other job!

2.  While it is helpful to track the action steps that you take toward a goal, imposing a strict deadline (interesting word, isn’t it?  “Dead line”) will limit and inhibit your progress.  How?  Primarily by creating fear and doubt that you can possibly succeed, which means you are then wasting energy fighting with yourself.

Deciding ahead of time when you will reach that goal is just unrealistic if you have no basis of experience for the steps you are taking.  Noting the steps and appreciating yourself every day, and enjoying the process involved will make a big positive difference.


So take the pressure off.  Focus on how you feel about achieving the goal.  Keep those good vibrations up and keep moving!

Reduce Stress for Better Health

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Would you like to ensure your health by reducing your stress level?  If you were able to do this in a few minutes a day, would you be interested?

How would reducing stress benefit you? We could begin with the obvious: tension doesn’t feel good.  We tend to be irritable and short-tempered when stressed.  Focusing is more difficult and just getting through the day is sometimes a challenge.  When we are able to breathe more deeply and relax muscle tension, we feel better and function better.

In addition, stress hormones such as adrenaline and cortisol, are pumping through the blood stream in excessive amounts.  If a tiger were chasing you, you would need them to ensure a quick getaway.  But it’s pretty rare that we need this extra burst of energy that stress hormones afford us.  And when they are chronically present, they cause real health problems.

The real consequences of stress include fatigue, depression, anxiety and physical pain.  It is now understood that excess stress is at the bottom of many serious chronic and life threatening illnesses.

Lifestyle changes can make a big difference.  Taking breaks, going on vacation (probably everyone’s favorite), meditating, using guided imagery are all important tools to implement. And addressing the underlying issues that are causing your stress in the first place is important too.

Some people who are constantly anxious because of stress may choose to use medications.  But possible side effects are a factor that you may want to avoid.

There are a number of programs for effective, safe and easy stress relief that are worth exploring.  I want to suggest that you may find yourself getting through challenging circumstances much more easily when you change your habits of reacting.  With a little practice you will likely also notice that you are generally functioning better and feeling happier.

As your habits of coping change, you will be assured that your health is improving.  Your improved outlook, increased energy and improved focus will tell you that you are on the road to recovery.



What Does My Dream Mean?

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“Dreams are postcards from our subconscious, inner self to outer self, right brain trying to cross that moat to the left.  Too often they come back unread: ‘ return to sender, addressee unknown.’  That’s a shame because it’s a whole other world out there – or in here – depending on your point of view.”
~ Dennis Koenig and Jordan Budde~

This morning I met with my Dream Team for breakfast. A small group of friends and colleagues, we have been meeting every other Friday morning for years.  We formed the group after reading Jeremy Taylor’s book When People Fly and Water Runs Uphill.

Since I was a little kid I have been fascinated by the meaning of dreams.  I used to come down to breakfast and tell my siblings and parents about a dream that I had had, sometimes to some merciless teasing.  And now in dealing with conscious and unconscious minds professionally, my interest continues.

Taylor states that dreams always come in the interest of our health and healing, and they come to tell us something that we don’t already know.  While dreams dictionaries can be helpful, the meanings are always personal and come from your own frame of reference.

For instance, you and I may each have a dream about a cat.  The dream dictionary will have a sort of universal meaning perhaps.  But we each may have different experiences with cats in our lives, so the greater meanings will be personal to us.

If you want to learn to make use of this “night movie” that comes to you in your sleep, you can begin by training yourself to remember them.  Keep a paper and pen by your bedside, and as soon as you awaken, jot down the images, impressions and feelings that occur to you.  Later when you are up and about you can write about them more fully in your journal.

Dreams are amazingly ethereal.  Most of them we don’t recall.  And even when one is especially vivid or emotional, and you tell yourself you surely will remember it, it will often evaporate in the morning light.  If you get in the habit of jotting them down, you will find that you remember much more easily.

When you do write or discuss them, ask yourself, “What does my dream mean?”  Or “What does this image mean?”  You will be amazed at how answers that you may not be aware of will pop up.  And chances are, it will serve your life in some way.

The Still Small Voice

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Lake Shore Chicago

There is more than one way of knowing something.  Our reasoning, logical brain gathers information and retains it.  I have said that western culture worships at the alter of the intellect, which may or may not be overstated.

Certainly we tend to trust the intellectual way of knowing more easily than the other.

And yet there is another part of the mind at work which is powerful in its own right.  Intuition is defined by Webster as quick and ready insight.  Or more fully, the power of faculty of attaining to direct knowledge or cognition without evident rational thought and inference.

Have you ever had a sudden insight or understanding of something that wasn’t making sense to you before?  You may in fact have been getting contradicting information and then suddenly things fell into place?  You just suddenly knew something but couldn’t explain how you knew?

It seems that this intuition or “the still small voice” may be more closely aligned to your spiritual and emotional life.  It may provide needed guidance to what you really need.  If you can hear it, it will steer you well past the rationalizations and habitual patterns that may be keeping you stuck.

How can you develop this valuable asset?  Primarily by acknowledging it.  If you name it and pay attention to it when it speaks, you will begin hearing it more frequently.  You will also need to create some space in your busy-ness and the torrent of chatter going on in your mind.  Breathing to relax and sitting quietly is good.  A little while in meditation is even better.

One of the best tools for developing your ability to hear this inner voice, is your journal.  Make a note of what occurs to you that seems outside your usual rational way of thinking.

It may come in a dream, or right before you go to sleep or upon awakening.  It often occurs in the shower or when you’re driving or doing something routine like washing the dishes.  Right brained activities such as these seem to make space for them to occur.  When intuition comes to you, write it down.

You can check back later to see if this thought was on target.  Or you can develop and play with it in your journal.  Remember that what we pay attention to gets bigger.  Soon you will find this valuable inner resource showing up more and more in your life.

Caregiving Self Care

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For those who are in the Baby Boomer generation, there are a lot of reminders that life can change on a dime.  Our parents can have sudden health challenges that require our assistance.  And our peer group, spouses and friends are of an age when that is occurring more frequently than it used to.

For the one having a health crisis, sometimes the changes are breathtaking to say the least.  For instance I have a colleague who suddenly lost his hearing.  Not a good thing for someone who listens for a living.

You may have a parent whose abilities are compromised by a stroke, surgery or possibly a fall, and they are at least partially dependent on help to see them through the day.  And so if you are the one to be the caregiver, your life will change on a dime too.

This change can be overwhelming, and even though you may be willing to offer care, your own self care needs to be seriously considered.  How will you manage caregiving your relative or friend and still take care of everything you already do?

First identify roles that need to be filled to carry out the tasks to be done.  I would say that there needs to be a sort of “general contractor,” or “case manager,” the person who oversees and coordinates the jobs that need to be done.  If the person who is sick is capable of doing this her/himself, then allow her to or assist by asking questions and taking notes.  Begin to shape a plan, and keep the calendar, pencil and eraser on hand.

Some tasks that will need to be done may include medical exams and treatments, driving to appointments, preparing and serving meals, grocery shopping, pet care. cleaning and laundry and personal care.  Possibly some in-home accommodations will need to be made.  Or arrangements for physical therapy or home health care.  They may also need visitors or some other kind of social interaction if they are able to be out and about.

Get some help, whether it is through the doctor’s office or Area Agency on Aging.  Possibly health insurance or long term health insurance may be used to line up professional help in the home.  Ask for names and contact information for people in the social network who may be willing to do some instrumental help or even just visit or send cards.  Staying in touch with the outside world is essential for the mind and spirit.

Define your own role and make sure that you have support from your own network of friends and family members.  Take time to pursue your own interests and take time off. If you are having to drop activities while you give care, remember to periodically check in with others in that group.  Through email, social networking or phone calls, see what is going on so that when you are able to resume, you will be able to slip back in.

Don’t feel guilty about venting your emotions over caregiving.  Anyone who has experience with this will know how frustrating, lonely and overwhelming it can be.  These emotions can be compounded with guilt, as if you should not be feeling sad or angry or overwhelmed in caring for the person you love.  I would say those feelings are not only natural but unavoidable.  After all, this is your life which has been turned upside down too!  Talking with others in the trenches helps.

As you talk about it with others, you will also get suggestions for resources, ideas for coping and recommendations for services and medical care that you would never have otherwise thought of.  Keeping in touch with your own social group will pay off in maintaining your own health as you avoid social isolation.