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Taking the Pressure Off

By JanetEisenbise on Wednesday, August 11th, 2010 | No Comments

You may assume that reaching for a life of your dreams involves setting and working on goals.  That is a frequent subject of the posts in this blog, as well as many books and seminars related to human development.

In studying and practicing the art of life change, I have frequently heard that being specific about what you desire, and establishing a deadline for when you intend to manifest it, are both essential to success.

The problem is that taken to an extreme, these steps can create a lot of pressure.  And the tension that we feel is actually counterproductive.  And they are especially so because they begin to create doubt in our belief that we could possibly succeed.
Here are a couple of things to consider:

1.  We are notoriously awful at accurately predicting what will bring us happiness.  And if, in being specific with descriptive details, we lock ourselves into the one possibility that we can imagine, we are limiting ourselves and eliminating a myriad of other possibilities that we can’t even imagine!

For instance, Joe is looking for a new job.  And a friend has told him of a position that has opened up.  Joe is excited because it is in his field, pays well and sounds just perfect.  He focuses on how much he wants THAT job, and prepares for the interview, hoping and praying that he will get it.  In the meantime, there are many other possibilities that he isn’t even aware of because they are “off his radar.”

As it turns out, he doesn’t get the job he hoped for, and he is angry, disappointed and discouraged.  After he recovers and is back to working on his goal, visualizing success, feeling positive,  he hears someone talking at a party about looking for a contractor to provide technical services.  It includes specialized knowledge and a skill set that Joe just acquired through a certification course that he took over a year ago.   It pays way more per hour than he has ever received and he has all the equipment he needs to work from home.

Joe is thrilled and amazed at how this opportunity just “fell in his lap.”  He’s really happy that he didn’t get that other job!

2.  While it is helpful to track the action steps that you take toward a goal, imposing a strict deadline (interesting word, isn’t it?  “Dead line”) will limit and inhibit your progress.  How?  Primarily by creating fear and doubt that you can possibly succeed, which means you are then wasting energy fighting with yourself.

Deciding ahead of time when you will reach that goal is just unrealistic if you have no basis of experience for the steps you are taking.  Noting the steps and appreciating yourself every day, and enjoying the process involved will make a big positive difference.


So take the pressure off.  Focus on how you feel about achieving the goal.  Keep those good vibrations up and keep moving!

See guest post @ http://tinyur…

By JanetEisenbise on Friday, August 6th, 2010 | No Comments

See guest post @ http://tinyurl.com/2f2kzju

Happiness is a by-product of a…

By JanetEisenbise on Thursday, July 29th, 2010 | No Comments

Happiness is a by-product of an optimistic view, of doing what is meaningful and most rewarding to you. It does involve a decision.

Reduce Stress for Better Health

By JanetEisenbise on Friday, July 16th, 2010 | No Comments

Would you like to ensure your health by reducing your stress level?  If you were able to do this in a few minutes a day, would you be interested?

How would reducing stress benefit you? We could begin with the obvious: tension doesn’t feel good.  We tend to be irritable and short-tempered when stressed.  Focusing is more difficult and just getting through the day is sometimes a challenge.  When we are able to breathe more deeply and relax muscle tension, we feel better and function better.

In addition, stress hormones such as adrenaline and cortisol, are pumping through the blood stream in excessive amounts.  If a tiger were chasing you, you would need them to ensure a quick getaway.  But it’s pretty rare that we need this extra burst of energy that stress hormones afford us.  And when they are chronically present, they cause real health problems.

The real consequences of stress include fatigue, depression, anxiety and physical pain.  It is now understood that excess stress is at the bottom of many serious chronic and life threatening illnesses.

Lifestyle changes can make a big difference.  Taking breaks, going on vacation (probably everyone’s favorite), meditating, using guided imagery are all important tools to implement. And addressing the underlying issues that are causing your stress in the first place is important too.

Some people who are constantly anxious because of stress may choose to use medications.  But possible side effects are a factor that you may want to avoid.

There are a number of programs for effective, safe and easy stress relief that are worth exploring.  I want to suggest that you may find yourself getting through challenging circumstances much more easily when you change your habits of reacting.  With a little practice you will likely also notice that you are generally functioning better and feeling happier.

As your habits of coping change, you will be assured that your health is improving.  Your improved outlook, increased energy and improved focus will tell you that you are on the road to recovery.



What Does My Dream Mean?

By JanetEisenbise on Friday, July 9th, 2010 | No Comments
“Dreams are postcards from our subconscious, inner self to outer self, right brain trying to cross that moat to the left.  Too often they come back unread: ‘ return to sender, addressee unknown.’  That’s a shame because it’s a whole other world out there – or in here – depending on your point of view.”
~ Dennis Koenig and Jordan Budde~

This morning I met with my Dream Team for breakfast. A small group of friends and colleagues, we have been meeting every other Friday morning for years.  We formed the group after reading Jeremy Taylor’s book When People Fly and Water Runs Uphill.

Since I was a little kid I have been fascinated by the meaning of dreams.  I used to come down to breakfast and tell my siblings and parents about a dream that I had had, sometimes to some merciless teasing.  And now in dealing with conscious and unconscious minds professionally, my interest continues.

Taylor states that dreams always come in the interest of our health and healing, and they come to tell us something that we don’t already know.  While dreams dictionaries can be helpful, the meanings are always personal and come from your own frame of reference.

For instance, you and I may each have a dream about a cat.  The dream dictionary will have a sort of universal meaning perhaps.  But we each may have different experiences with cats in our lives, so the greater meanings will be personal to us.

If you want to learn to make use of this “night movie” that comes to you in your sleep, you can begin by training yourself to remember them.  Keep a paper and pen by your bedside, and as soon as you awaken, jot down the images, impressions and feelings that occur to you.  Later when you are up and about you can write about them more fully in your journal.

Dreams are amazingly ethereal.  Most of them we don’t recall.  And even when one is especially vivid or emotional, and you tell yourself you surely will remember it, it will often evaporate in the morning light.  If you get in the habit of jotting them down, you will find that you remember much more easily.

When you do write or discuss them, ask yourself, “What does my dream mean?”  Or “What does this image mean?”  You will be amazed at how answers that you may not be aware of will pop up.  And chances are, it will serve your life in some way.

The Still Small Voice

By JanetEisenbise on Thursday, July 8th, 2010 | No Comments

Lake Shore Chicago

There is more than one way of knowing something.  Our reasoning, logical brain gathers information and retains it.  I have said that western culture worships at the alter of the intellect, which may or may not be overstated.

Certainly we tend to trust the intellectual way of knowing more easily than the other.

And yet there is another part of the mind at work which is powerful in its own right.  Intuition is defined by Webster as quick and ready insight.  Or more fully, the power of faculty of attaining to direct knowledge or cognition without evident rational thought and inference.

Have you ever had a sudden insight or understanding of something that wasn’t making sense to you before?  You may in fact have been getting contradicting information and then suddenly things fell into place?  You just suddenly knew something but couldn’t explain how you knew?

It seems that this intuition or “the still small voice” may be more closely aligned to your spiritual and emotional life.  It may provide needed guidance to what you really need.  If you can hear it, it will steer you well past the rationalizations and habitual patterns that may be keeping you stuck.

How can you develop this valuable asset?  Primarily by acknowledging it.  If you name it and pay attention to it when it speaks, you will begin hearing it more frequently.  You will also need to create some space in your busy-ness and the torrent of chatter going on in your mind.  Breathing to relax and sitting quietly is good.  A little while in meditation is even better.

One of the best tools for developing your ability to hear this inner voice, is your journal.  Make a note of what occurs to you that seems outside your usual rational way of thinking.

It may come in a dream, or right before you go to sleep or upon awakening.  It often occurs in the shower or when you’re driving or doing something routine like washing the dishes.  Right brained activities such as these seem to make space for them to occur.  When intuition comes to you, write it down.

You can check back later to see if this thought was on target.  Or you can develop and play with it in your journal.  Remember that what we pay attention to gets bigger.  Soon you will find this valuable inner resource showing up more and more in your life.

Making it to the finish line f…

By JanetEisenbise on Thursday, July 1st, 2010 | No Comments

Making it to the finish line for 30 Day Challenge feels great! Congrats #blog30 bloggers, one and all!

Coping With Crazy Makers

By JanetEisenbise on Wednesday, June 30th, 2010 | No Comments

Do you have a crazy maker in your life?  By that I mean someone with whom your interactions are always confusing, emotionally draining and usually dramatic?  Someone who may have you questioning your sanity?  Do you sometimes feel that this person is taking up space in your head and ought to be paying rent?

It’s a whole lot easier if the C.M. is not a member of your family because then it’s easier to get some distance.  The closer you are in proximity and emotional bond, the more entangled you may become.

If you want to get disentangled and get your sanity and your life back, then there are some things you need to do.

  • Start with an assessment of yourself.  What is your part in the interaction with this person?  How are you engaging them or being engaged?  Is there a pattern to the “dance” that has become predictable?  Do you keep doing the same thing hoping that it will have a different outcome?
  • Try to assess the person you are dealing with.  Are they dishonest?  Are they exaggerating?  Are they taking advantage of you or other people?  Does what they say align with what they do?  Or do they tell you one thing and then do another?  Are they blaming you or others, avoiding responsibility for their behavior?
  • Have you thought you had agreements with this person that she/he later broke?  Has this happened repeatedly?
  • Set boundaries that are clear and firm.  And the clarity begins with you.  Good boundaries are necessary for the social order, and essential for healthy relationships.  Without them, we don’t know where our interests end and the other begins.  Robert Frost wrote “Good fences make good neighbors,” and he was right.
  • Start small with one limit that you will set and maintain.  It may be that you are not accepting phone calls or contact with this person.  Or maybe that you are not loaning them any more money.  Or that they are not allowed in your house any more.  Tell the person in clear and direct language and a calm manner.  Do not engage in explaining or arguing, or you are sunk!  Simply repeat what you said and then end the interaction.
  • When they push or test to see if you mean it, calmly follow through with what you said you would do.  It may be as simple as a “No.”  Do not complain; do not explain.  Your behavior will speak for you.

This is an area where you will need support and possibly help.  If you have been really involved with this Crazy Maker for a period of time, you may need a reality check just to make sure that your perceptions are clear.  (We don’t call it Crazy Making for nothing!)

You may also need help in devising a plan for moving forward.  And I highly recommend working with a professional therapist or coach to understand how you got here in the first place.  And also to take steps in the right direction so that it doesn’t become a repeated pattern in your life.

There IS life beyond this painful place and you deserve to live it.



Are you still using plastic bo…

By JanetEisenbise on Sunday, June 27th, 2010 | No Comments

Are you still using plastic bottles? Reusable ones are safer for you and the planet. If we stop buying them they’ll stop making them

Good Vibrations

By JanetEisenbise on Saturday, June 26th, 2010 | No Comments

Do you remember that psychedelic pop song by the Beach Boys called “Good Vibrations?”  It came out in 1966 and was of course a song about a girl.  But the words and tune came to me this morning when I was thinking about how to cope with low vibrations.

Good Vibrations

You know, low vibrations that occur when you are feeling sad or angry or frustrated for a period of time?  Or when you get bad news that affects someone you love and you can’t really do a thing about it except express your concerns and offer support?

It seems to me that helplessness has an especially low vibration. In addition to the song I was thinking of the movie “What the Bleep Do We Know?!” and how we affect our bodies and indeed our reality by the vibration of what we think and feel and do.

Can you observe in your own life how you are affected by low vs. high vibrations?  And if you can (hopefully you can), how do you raise them?

Michael Masterson in his newsletter, The Michael Masterson Journal writes that everything we do, whether in playing, working or distracting ourselves, will do one of three things:

  • Improves us somehow
  • Leaves us more or less the same
  • Damages us in some way

He goes on to say that our choices of what we do will directly affect the quality of our lives.

Using your journal would be a good way to take notes of your observations and to help you keep them in the forefront of your mind.  Otherwise, being creatures of habit, we lapse into familiar ruts and aren’t aware of what we are causing until way down the road.

Here are some ways in which I raise my vibrational level:

  • Listening to music; a wide variety of music.  Rock and roll to energize me, jazz when I’m feeling reflective, folk and classical when I’m writing, classical most of the rest of the time.
  • Reading something informative or inspiring.  I’m taking a web page design class and the steep learning curve excites and satisfies me (and I must admit at times frustrates me).  Mary Oliver is my favorite poet and her writing is divinely inspired, I am certain.
  • Looking at art.  Going to a museum or more accessibly, to a local gallery can make my day.
  • There is a local farmers market that I love going to on the weekends.  It may be hard to explain how fresh produce can rev my engines, but it does.  The mix of stands selling fresh fish, meats, baked goods and flowers plus the diversity of the shoppers makes for a stimulating place.
  • Having a conversation with a friend about almost anything.  Just being with certain people has a positive and energizing effect.  No doubt you know what I mean.  Playing with my granddaughter does it every time.  In fact, thinking about her or looking at pictures of her does too.
  • Going for a walk outside and being in the midst of grass, trees and nature in general always lifts my spirits.
  • I am grateful that most of the time my work is positive, interesting and energizing.  Writing, coaching and doing therapy are all very engaging and rewarding to me.  Hopefully your work is too.  If not, maybe that’s a hint that you need to make a plan for a change.

What are those “golden” activities that rev you up or inspire you, or improve your mood?  Please leave them in the comments so that everyone can benefit.

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