A Day of Stinkin’ Thinkin’

Posted on January 30, 2012 by JanetEisenbise

Several folks have told me this week that they woke up feeling awful or anxious or something else negative. And that it was downhill from there for the rest of the day. Not that unusual a conversation starter in my line of work. And then I had a day like that myself…first time in a long time.

By 10AM I was well mired in doom and gloom, and then by 10:15 asked myself what was up with this? Several things occurred to me. Asking that question pushed me into Observer Mode rather than Reactor Mode. One thing was for sure: I was in the midst of doing some stinkin’ thinkin’ which was responsible for my glum mood and low energy.

This is how it works; it’s a big chain reaction in which one event gives rise to the next, and on and on, over and over again throughout the day. Or a few minutes if we are paying attention and intercede. Or a week, month, year or lifetime if we don’t.

The Trigger Event is something that occurs outside of us; something that we generally have no control over.
The Trigger Event in turn brings up a Thought. There are times when an emotion is instantly triggered, but it’s usually a thought.
Emotion is then shaped by the thought. And these two factors, thought and emotion can go back and forth either strengthening the emotion or bringing up different emotions.
Behavior comes next. We choose a behavior and this is the point where we have all the choice in the world, as well as the responsibility for whatever we do.
Consequence is the last link in the chain. There is always some kind of consequence to the behavior that we do, and while we may predict it, the full consequence is out of our hands or control.

Here is an example of how this chain works. Robert is getting ready for work and half watching and listening to a morning television show while he dresses. He hears some bad news about the national economy (Trigger Event). His immediate thought is something like, “Things are just getting worse everywhere! What’s the use?” (Thought). This in turn evokes feelings of fear and helplessness (Emotion). He goes on for awhile thinking more along these lines until his emotions are amplified. By now he is taking this personally and wondering when his own job might be terminated, probably without notice. When his wife comes into the room to ask about when she should ask for time off the vacation they have planned, he curtly replies that she should forgot about a vacation this year; they can’t afford it! (Behavior). His bewildered wife asks why on earth he is saying this since they have saved for the vacation, and all their expenses are already covered. An argument ensues and as they both drive off to work, they both feel angry and frustrated. (Consequence).

If you were to ask Robert what was wrong, he would likely tell you about the news event, how it “made him feel” and go on a rant about how bad things are and how he wouldn’t be at all surprised if his employer would lay him off at any time. As he sees it the bad news is responsible for his bad mood and it doesn’t help that his wife “just doesn’t get it.” Her head is obviously stuck in the sand or she would be ready to cancel their vacation too because it is a frivolous waste of money, in light of how bad things are.

If Robert were aware of his own thought-emotion chain, he could see that he is reacting to the news story and that he has other options. There are no doubt many other people who saw the same news story and had very different reactions to it. It isn’t the trigger event itself that causes Robert’s misery; it is his thoughts about it that are responsible. If he becomes aware and challenges his thoughts, beliefs and assumptions, it is possible to have a perfectly fine day, be in a good mood and continue planning the vacation with his wife.

When you hear yourself make comments such as, “You make me really mad!” or “You make me really happy!” or “So-and-so is driving me crazy!” or “Such and such made me worry all day,” pay attention because you have just zipped down the Trigger Event-Thought-Emotion-Behavior-Consequence chain of events.

The truth is that no one and nothing can “make” you feel anything. Each of us is responsible for the emotions we feel and what we do with them. If the responsibility seems daunting, when you challenge yourself to pay attention and change them, you will feel much more empowered. And isn’t that what we are going for?

Quotable Quote

Posted on January 4, 2012 by JanetEisenbise

“Every morning you are handed twenty-four golden hours.
They are one of the few things in this world that you get free of charge. If you had all the money in the world, you couldn’t buy an extra hour. What will you do with this priceless treasure? Remember, you must use it, as it is given only once. Once wasted you cannot get it back.”

~Source Unknown~

Dealing with the Nitty-Gritty

Posted on September 23, 2011 by JanetEisenbise

“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then,
is not an act, but a habit.” ~Aristotle~

The other day a woman was telling me about her husband, who surprised her by announcing that he was going to clean the house. Not something that he typically does…or ever does, according to her. She had errands to run, and when she returned to the “cleaned” house, she saw that he had pushed everything to the perimeter of the living room and vacuumed the middle of the floor. And he called the job done.

We chuckled about this novel approach to house cleaning, but it occurred to me that it serves as a metaphor for life. And that probably if we care to take a peek into our own dark corners, we will likely find something akin to the husband’s method.

This morning I was looking around the office that I occupy, and when hunting for a file I need, was amazed to find all sorts of things that I jammed into folders thinking I would use it someday. Needless to say, I haven’t. There is a pile of paper in my “in basket” as well as in my “out basket.” (Would someone please remind me of how this organizational tool is supposed to work?) And I have to admit that I am behind in posting financial information that I will need for tax time.

But the middle of the floor is clean!

We do this in the figurative sense as well as the literal. “The devil is in the details,” as the saying goes. Those things you are procrastinating about have a way of piling up. How long have you thought about increasing the vegetables in your diet? Or making an appointment with the dentist? Or taking courage in hand and joining a meeting or group that you think would be interesting? Or meeting with a financial planner? Or having a conversation with someone that you are afraid might be touchy?

You can go on about the daily round of your life (the middle of the floor, so to speak) and not think too much about what you are pushing to the perimeters of your life. But those nitty-gritty details seem to speak to us. Sometimes in dream time, and sometimes in vague mounting anxiety or dread. Or sometimes someone else will bring it up, or a deadline is looming and you know it’s time to pay the piper.

Know this: some sort of resistance is at work here. And we all have to contend with our resistance. Perhaps it is an outdated negative belief that you hold. Perhaps it may be some shame or embarrassment that you haven’t tended to it before this. Or maybe the energy required to overcome inertia seems too much.

When you face it squarely and ask yourself what is up with this? (and take the time to listen to the answers) you will discover the root of your resistance. And when you do that, you are on the way to rooting it out and overcoming it. Use your journal to clarify your insight. Use Meridian Tapping or EFT to resolve and release the emotion and limiting belief that is stopping you.

You really don’t have to limit your success or happiness by hanging onto the burdens of negative belief. Affirm the kind of human being you want to be; clarify your intentions and then with courage take the baby steps every day to love your life fully.

Clearing Out For Life Success

Posted on September 14, 2011 by JanetEisenbise

Do you consider yourself to be a student of life success? Whether you have thought of yourself in exactly those terms, I suspect you are or you likely wouldn’t be reading this. And if you are not yet training for success, I suggest you get started right away.

In clearing out files and shelves in my office, I came across some coaching material that I used several years ago. As I read through it along with my notes, I felt some enthusiasm for an early step in developing life success strategies. And that is to clear out the obstacles that are in your path, as well as remnants of the past and those things that clutter both your living space and your mind.

Let’s suppose that you have done some preliminary work of determining for yourself exactly what success would look like, feel like, be like in your own life. That such a definition should fit you perfectly is vitally important. How you define success will not be the same for your father or mother, your best friend, People Magazine or Donald Trump. You need to come up with your own very clear picture or list.

Let’s further suppose that you have made an assessment of what you need in order to proceed. You need to pack your own parachute, to borrow a phrase from the 1970’s. Do you need to take a course in order to be prepared? Are you in need of some research? You need to know at least what your starting point will be and what you are going to need. You may even be able to see what the first few steps will be.

Very soon you will encounter some resistance within yourself that may come up in the form of excuses, or fear that you will fail (or succeed!) Or you may be puzzled or frustrated by your procrastination. Or you may discover that some old unfinished business really has to be completed before you can proceed.

This clearing out can take many forms. So consider how to declutter the following:

Unfinished projects, both large and small. If there is something laying around (or stuffed into a closet) that is your last great idea, either finish it now, delegate it to someone else who will enjoy doing it and be good at it, or pitch it out. Even if it was a great idea, it has no value and will hamper your progress laying there as a reminder of what you didn’t get done.
Items that you have not used during the past 6 months. If these things have value to someone else you can sell them or donate them or give them to someone you know will appreciate them. If not, pitch them out.
Is there some physical checkup that you have not had done? Is there a follow-up that you didn’t tend to? Have you been to the dentist lately? Were you intending to make some dietary change that you have avoided? Do you need to make an appointment with a trainer in order to meet an old fitness goal? Or is it time to finally call the acupuncturist for help with your back pain? Now is the time to put those routines or checks in place.
Do you have some untended relationship to care for? How about that person you have said “Let’s get together for dinner sometime?” Now is the time. What about the thank you note you haven’t written? Don’t worry…there is no statute of limitation on gratitude. Is there some conflict that you walked away from that really needs to be addressed? Do you need to make amends for something you said or did or neglected?
Is there someone that you need to forgive? Perhaps even yourself? Have you wasted time and energy looking into the rear view mirror feeling resentful and victimized? Unresolved grief, anger and resentment form the heaviest rocks that you carry in your backpack. For your own health, you must unload them! Forgiveness is something that we do for our own sake, and if you don’t do this work, you really won’t get very far with your new life intentions. Get help if you need it.
A financial inventory will tell you if there is anything that needs to be cleared up here. Those who practice abundance principles say, “Money is energy.” Really in quantum terms, everything is energy in some form or other. Is your money/energy in short supply? Do you owe anyone money? Have you accumulated debt? Do you know where your money is going every month (aka budget)? Do you have a plan for your money (aka budget)? Do you contribute money to causes you care about? Are you saving money? Are you investing it?

Does your self image match up with your picture of a successful life? A quick inventory of beliefs that you learned from your “tribe,” especially as it pertains to your goals, may reveal some conflicts. The person, whose life success strategies include starting his own business in mid-life, will have some contrary beliefs if he grew up in a family that valued “security” by working for the same company for 30 years.

As you can see, there are many types of unused or unfinished things that clutter our lives. From the physical objects that are collecting dust in your rooms, to unfinished or outdated emotional business that distracts and preoccupies you, we must tend to clearing them away as we proceed. You would be correct in thinking that this work is not once and done. You will come back to it repeatedly just as surely as your kitchen or bathroom needs to be cleaned periodically. The important thing is to assess what needs to be tended to, and to begin at once. Don’t delay. Your successful life depends on it!

maine coastline

Ending Procrastination: No Time like the Present

Posted on September 1, 2011 by JanetEisenbise

“The secret to getting ahead is getting started.” ~Sally Berger~

Procrastination is the bane of existence for those who set goals for their lives. Productivity is an important factor for most of us. Your livelihood may depend on producing products or processing information or offering services to people who pay for them. We tend to feel better when we are doing something worthwhile. And we seem to be naturally designed to want to be “getting somewhere.”

If you have the opportunity to observe a growing baby or toddler, you can see this natural inclination in action. From morning to night they are in motion. Reaching, grasping, crawling, pulling themselves up on furniture, they are constantly developing skills which lead them to the next level of ability. They don’t need to be told to set goals or how to do that. Remove what might be harmful to them, and watch them go.

What happens to quell this enthusiasm and energy?

We absorb messages from the important adults in our lives. Being told to “be careful,” often translates to “be fearful.” We may be discouraged by criticism and other experiences that undermine our confidence. Sometimes they are collective family or cultural messages such as “We’re not good at math/managing money/music/school “etc. Or “Girls/Boys don’t ______.” You can fill in the blank. Feeling embarrassed by being placed in the Sparrows reading group as opposed to the Robins may imprint a powerful limiting belief. (No first grader is fooled by those names!)

As you go through life practicing those beliefs with the emotions that are triggered by them, and then the behaviors that go along with them, they become second nature to you. And you act accordingly. They become part of your unconscious beliefs and your personae.

When you are called upon to do something new that challenges these beliefs, fear will undoubtedly pop up. And even if the new project or goal is your idea and you felt very enthusiastic when you chose it, there is resistance to it. You really want to start exercising, but you find yourself dawdling. Maybe it’s too hot or too cold, or you could use a better pair of shoes. Or maybe you’ll start tomorrow.

What to do to help yourself? We know that self blame and criticism won’t help any more than it did in the first place. If your Inner Critic is harping at you, it just keeps reinforcing that limiting belief! So stop it! Really, tell yourself to stop it and change the subject. Practice a new thought or move onto an activity that is small and a step toward what you want to accomplish.

There are tools available to you to reprogram your unconscious mind. When you are in a relaxed state (and this will take practice) and you focus your mind on the positive change you wish to make, working on that goal becomes much easier and less stressful.

Hypnosis is one such tool. Hypnosis is simply allowing your body and mind to relax and focusing on your intended result. There is nothing dangerous about it. You probably go into trance many times throughout the day. Driving a car along a familiar route is one very common experience in which we experience trance. Have you arrived at your destination, but don’t really remember anything after you started out? You were focused on something else. We are in a trance state when first awakening from sleep. Or when doing any task that is so familiar that you don’t have to think about it.

Hypnosis simply directs your attention to something you want to believe or achieve. And when done by a skilled psychological practitioner, it can be highly effective. The hypnotist will suggest the changed thoughts, but you are always in charge. No one can be hypnotized against their will or convinced of something they don’t believe in. Movies and television have lots of dramatic suggestions that color our ideas about it, but those aren’t really factual.

The best resource that I have found and used and recommend is The Hypnosis Network. All of the products they offer are done by well-seasoned clinical practitioners. Whether your goal is to have greater self confidence, better resilience, suffer fewer headaches, lose weight, stop smoking or to end procrastination and be more productive, hypnosis is a great tool to use.

Removing the negative and limiting beliefs about you will go a long way to ending procrastination. Being productive and achieving what you want in your life, whatever that is, will lead to a happier, healthier and more fulfilling life.

Releasing Pain

Posted on July 29, 2011 by JanetEisenbise

Do you have any physical pain in your body on a regular basis?
If so, how do you think it limits your enjoyment of life and what would it be
like if it were gone?
I want to share a great resource with you today, something that if you’re in
any kind of pain right now, can dramatically change the quality of your life for the
better.
It’s a video on how you can use EFT Tapping right now to eliminate physical
pain.
If you experience any kind of pain in your body whether if be long term chronic
pain, pain from a recurring sports injury, or just a pain that popped up yesterday
then you need to watch this video.
It can give you rapid results in a way that you likely don’t even think is
possible right now.
Check it out, tap along, and see how your pain improves. You’ll be glad
you did. http://tinyurl.com3jzv52n

I know that if you’re in pain you’re likely willing to do anything to get out
of it and gain your freedom back.
The good news about tapping is that it’s easy to do and you can do it yourself
and see immediate results.
The results you’ll get from tapping along with this video will speak for themselves.
Enjoy the video and let me know what results you get.

If you know of anybody that is in physical pain please pass this resource on.
Having to deal with physical pain on a daily basis can be absolutely debilitating.
Finding a solution that eliminates it can give a person back their freedom to live
their life the way they want.
Just by passing this email along you may be giving somebody that freedom.
http:/tinyurl.com/3jzv52n

Success 101

Posted on June 3, 2011 by JanetEisenbise

“Success seems to be largely a matter of
hanging on after others have let go.”
~William Feather~

I’ve been having one of those days. Maybe you can relate. It really started yesterday afternoon and went late into the evening, when feeling a bit like a dog with a bone, I made myself quit working and watch a little TV before getting ready for bed. This morning I felt rested and ready to go again.

Having bought some software which is supposed to make quick work of blog creation, I installed it and tried to get it to work. That’s when I stepped into the quagmire. It’s never a good sign when I find myself reading “foreign” language (read “technospeak”) in the instructions. And the references to “code” made my blood run cold.

Whoever said “Code is poetry,” is a delusional in my book. It should say, “Code is the handiwork of the devil.”

Bear in mind that I was an English major where I learned that language is metaphorical and has many shades of meaning. Usually a beautiful thing. And since then I have lived in the world of psychology, which while it has some hard science as a part of it, the practice of which is also metaphorical and has many shades of meaning.

If you are younger than I am (and you probably are) and have been a world citizen in the 21^st century, you likely know that computer code is not metaphorical, nor does it have many shades of meaning. It is an exacting, cruel and hard-bitten thing that demands compliance or your technical wish will certainly not be your command.

After more time passed than I care to think about, I gave up trying to guess what in the heck was required, and shut down the computer. As I left to meet a friend for lunch, I got what I thought might be Divine Inspiration…an idea of what I needed to do to get unstuck. Back from lunch, I started again. Turns out the inspiration wasn’t the magic bullet, but it got me closer to the answer.

I did make some progress, and got to another fork in the technical road and decided to stop and do something else on my to do list that I know I can manage. To say that I am challenged is an understatement. I’d better be developing new brain cells, or I’m going to be really annoyed!

So why am I telling you this?

Because I think my experience is representative of the process of reaching goals, and in a larger sense, making the life changes we desire. We often hear about so-and-so being “An Overnight Success!” The reality is almost always the opposite. The world may become aware of so-and-so overnight (electronic media being what it is) but if you care to ask, that successful person has been trudging on, working consistently in the trenches, dealing with frustrations and doubts and even failures, working through obstacles until their intentions begin to take form. As they continue working, they gain momentum until they reach a tipping point. And viola`, an “overnight sensation!”

Although you may think that successful people are smarter or luckier than average, it is much more likely that the successful are tenacious. They persist in imagining and working every day toward the fulfillment of their dreams. When they fall down, they get back up and start over. And when they get lost, they ask for help, buy a compass and map and get back on the road.

Most failure probably isn’t because of laziness or stupidity. It’s likely a matter of giving up. That’s easy to do when you are discouraged or frustrated or overwhelmed. If you find yourself in this camp, it’s never too late to start over. Find inspiration by talking to or reading the work of someone who has succeeded or is farther along than you are.

Hire a coach; often you can cut costs by getting into a coaching group. Join a group of people who are in the field you want to achieve in. Buy a hypnosis DVD that is professionally produced by experienced psychologists to build your resilience and remove the obstacles that frustrate you.

Rather than abandoning your dreams, get some help and get back on track. It’s all a part of your road to success!