A Gift For Yourself

Posted on December 12, 2011 by JanetEisenbise

‘Tis the season, as they say, and most of us are preoccupied with family obligations, social engagements, decorating, cooking and gift giving. I certainly have more things written on my calendar this month than any other time, and I know I’m not alone. The “to do” list can get oppressive if we’re not careful. And doing those things on the list can also be exhausting and stressful.

You may be tempted to just accept that this is the way it is, and to think the stress is inevitable. But I don’t think it is. In fact, I would go so far as to say this is a choice. In the previous two posts I encouraged you to give some conscious thought to what gives meaning to the season to you. I understand the power of culture whispering in your ear, but it is possible to stop and challenge the thinking and resist the pressure to conform to perfectionistic images that you may think you “should” create.

Anyone who has experienced remorse over credit card debt in January may find the motivation to rethink options for gifts. Putting yourself in financial straits is not a healthy or happy practice for you or the recipient of the gift. You have an opportunity to think creatively for pleasing the ones you love. You could offer them a certificate for your services, such as car detailing or babysitting or some other task that they would enjoy. Or it could be for a home made dinner and a game night.

Whatever your holiday tradition, ask yourself what do you enjoy about it the most? Or what might that be if you would really allow yourself to enjoy it? When I asked myself that question, music was the answer. And so I have made it a point to hear more music this year., and to make music myself. Attending live concerts is the best! And I also dug out CD’s that I have stashed away and haven’t heard in a long time.

A friend of mine has been making it a point to really pay attention to her activities and her level of energy. She has avoided over-scheduling activities, and takes plenty of time to eat well, drink plenty of water and to rest. Imagine that! Actually resting! This of course means being willing to prioritize, say no to some invitations and to be mindful of where she is expending her resources of money, time and energy.

Being in touch with friends and family is something else that my be meaningful and important, especially during this season. I know there are lots of jokes about the obnoxious annual Christmas letters in which mom brags about Muffy or Buffy getting into Harvard. But I must say that there are several letters that I look forward to receiving every year, and I really appreciate the time and effort it takes to compose and send them. Knowing that others feel the same way, I consider writing and sending my own to be a gift to some people on my list. If connection is important to you, consider sharing the events of your life over the past year or years, and giving that gift yourself.

Whatever it is that gives this end of the year holiday season special meaning to you, I hope that you will put yourself on your gift list and be generous. It will improve your mood, I promise, and no doubt your health will benefit as well.

Letting Go

Posted on November 8, 2011 by JanetEisenbise

“There are things I can’t force. I must adjust.
There are times when the greatest change needed is
a change of my viewpoint.”
~Anonymous~

In my on-going attempt to curb the clutter in my life, I was cleaning out some files, pitching out some material that I used a long time ago but haven’t seen recently. I came across something that I once used when I facilitated a women’s group therapy.

I really have no idea where it came from. I’m guessing it came out of the 12 Step traditions in some form or fashion. Since I don’t know who to give credit to for it, I offer my apologies in advance. But I like it and find the concept of “letting go” a valuable tenant of a healthy and happy life, whether you consider yourself to be recovering, or a traveler on a heroes journey (as Joseph Campbell called it).

Here it is; I hope it is useful to you:

To let go doesn’t mean to stop caring; it means I can’t do it for someone else.
To let go is not to cut myself off; it’s the realization that I can’t control another.
To let go is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences.
To let go is to admit powerlessness which means the outcome is not in my hands.
To let go is not to care for, but to care about.
To let go is not to fix, but to be supportive.
To let go is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.
To let go is not to be protective, it is to permit another to face reality.
To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to effect their own outcomes.
To let go is not to deny but to accept.
To let go is not to nag, scold or argue, but to search out my own shortcomings and to correct them.
To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires, but to take each day as it comes, and to cherish the moment.
To let go is not to criticize and regulate anyone, but to try to become whatever dream I can be.
To let go is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future.
To let go is to fear less and to love more.

Need Clarity? Put Your Hands To Work

Posted on July 28, 2011 by JanetEisenbise

“Often the hands will solve a mystery that the intellect
has struggled with in vain.” ~Carl Jung~

A good friend of mine is known for what she calls “shoving furniture.” When she is feeling overwhelmed by a situation she can’t resolve, or angry, or trying to figure something out, she turns to cleaning house. Deep into the corners, as my mom would say. Complete with rearranging the furniture.

This can be an effective way to see something more clearly that sitting and thinking will not uncover. Maybe it is the movement of the body or focusing on a task at hand that quiets the mind chatter and calms the spirit. Weeding the garden, or stacking fire wood would do it for me.

After a bit, I would stop thinking about what I had been so concerned about. My irritation or anger or aungst would seem to dissipate, and often suddenly something would pop into mind that would be at least the beginning of a way to see what my next step could be. Maybe the work freed up the right side of my brain (the more creative side) to come up with a solution.

It’s easy to get caught up in the tangle of frustration and fear or anger, trying to think your way to an answer. Next time you find yourself there, find a physical task that needs to be done, and get to work. You may find some inspiration and clarity at the end of it.

Immunize Yourself Against Stress

Posted on July 8, 2011 by JanetEisenbise

“Opportunities to find deeper powers within ourselves come when
life seems most challenging.” ~Joseph Campbell~

This morning I was meeting with a small group of women for breakfast and what we call “Dream Team.” No we weren’t playing basketball, but instead discussing our dreams, as we have been for nearly 15 years. We are all psychologists and therapists, (and by now dear friends) who share a The Mind at Night: The New Science of How and Why We Dreamfascination with dream life, both our clients’ and our own. At this breakfast meeting, we discuss our own.

In discussing a dream that seemed to be a premonition of a big life transition for one of us, we got to talking about other big life transitions we have had over the years and how stressful they can be. Even when we deliberately choose those transitions.

From working with a lot of stressed people over the years, and of course experiencing periods of extreme stress in my own life, I know how detrimental it can be to our health. Upsetting the emotional and spiritual equilibrium often results in physical illnesses that can have long and far-reaching effects.

(By the way, if you want some free information about stress reduction, you can provide your name and email address, click on the box in the upper right side of this page, and receive a report that you can download to your computer to read. Of course you can opt out any time you want).

I am a firm believer that even the most hellish and unwelcome life transitions with their periods of stress hold a gift for us. Yes, there is a price to pay and losses to endure, which we must grieve. And how do we endure those times long enough to get to the good part? How do we maintain our mental and physical health while we are moving through it?

The answer is three-fold:

Set appropriate limits and boundaries for yourself. This is the time to say NO to demands on your time, energy and attention that tax and strain you. This is unusual behavior for some of us, and may set off guilt messages from your “Inner Critic,” but with a little practice, you will feel the benefits. You will also discover that the world does not quit revolving because you say no to dog sitting for your sister so she can go on vacation and not have to board her pooch. Or to teaching a Sunday school class or attending a party you really want to skip. Take 5 really deep breaths after saying no.
Step up the quality of your self-care and nurturance. Ask yourself what pleases your senses. What food would taste great? Have you bought flowers lately? Or seen some great art? Gone to the movies? Taken time to really listen to music you love? Are you getting enough sleep? Do you need a conversation or to just hang out with someone who comforts and pleases you? Do you need the quiet contemplation of prayer or meditation? Think of any or all of these as emotional first aide! Do it! Take 5 really deep breaths and fully take in the peace and calm of nurturance.

Practice gratitude every day, including appreciation of yourself, and observance of everyone and everything that sustains you. It’s been awhile since we revisited the benefits of writing a gratitude list. But it is magical in its effects, especially when you are feeling depleted and stretched beyond endurance. Every evening (or morning if that works better) write a list of at least 10 things for which you are grateful…and really take the time to FEEL the gratitude. Take 5 deep breaths to relax and to feel the joy that follows.

It helps to remember that whatever rough patch or transition you are going through will not last forever. We do move through them, and if we are clear about our intentions to stay healthy and to learn what lessons our crisis may present, it is easier to take good care; to respect and honor ourselves. And then to claim those deeper powers within that Joseph Campbell was referring to.

Chaos to Order

Posted on May 13, 2011 by JanetEisenbise

Lord knows I am no mathematician. But there is something called chaos theory that has always seemed attractive to me. If you look it up, you will see that chaos theory is about finding the underlying order in apparently random data. And although I can’t begin to understand the math involved, my fantasy is that it really explains how my sometimes neatly organized desk can seem to become a quagmire in no time flat.

Have you ever noticed how your closets (or living room or check book or projects or life) can be in order one day and the next seem to be an impossible mess? It’s chaos theory at work. Have you noticed that this usually matches your state of mind?

That’s why getting your work and the other facets of your life in order is essential to being productive.

A client was telling me yesterday that after hiring an organizer to help her de-clutter and organize her house, that she was feeling terrified that she was going to turn it into a shambles again. Yep, that would be chaos lurking around the corner waiting for her to let her guard down.

And when the order starts to inevitably unravel, what can you do about it?” I asked her. After all, you do have to live in your house (or use your desk, write in your check book, start new projects, etc.) and the day will come when you are in too big of a hurry, or feel too tired or preoccupied with something else to attend to cleaning it all up again right away.

Whether you catch the chaos early in the game or whether you allow it to fully “blossom,” here are my suggestions for coping and taming it again:

Designate a specific time to complete small organizational chores. A simple illustration is making your bed every morning after you get out of it. A client I am working with has a few hours at the end of the week which she uses for paying bills and entering the data on a spreadsheet that she uses to track her budget and spending.
Look for tools that will help you keep order. Get a filing cabinet and get in the habit of immediately filing papers that you need to keep. Every year go through it a purge papers that have outlived their usefulness. Learn to use computer files by using tutorials if you need them. Back up those files, and also purge them from time to time if they become obsolete.
Recently I found a great system called ARC at Staples for about $5, which I am using to keep track of my numerous business projects. This is not a calendar or scheduler, although you can enter pertinent dates in it. I can add and pull out papers for each project from the folder. It will replace all those notes to myself that are all over the place and frustrate the daylights out of me when I can’t find them when I need them.
And as I have mentioned in previous posts, performing a big purge of closets, drawers, etc may be the greatest boon to creating order. For some reason we often do a big clean-out in spring or fall, but anytime the ragged edges of chaos are closing in on you is a good time. Hauling things to recycle, dump or donate will give you space to breathe and to think clearly.
Give yourself time to reflect and to plan. Try beginning your day with 15 or 30 minutes with silence and journal writing. Tune into your mind, heart and spirit and see what state you are in and what you might need. At the end of the day take another 15 minutes to plan for the next day. Write down your objectives, carrying over any that you didn’t get finished from the day that is ending. Try not to be rigid and perfectionistic with this process. You can experiment with the amount of detail you use.
Every month or so, check out the bigger picture and ask if what you are doing are small steps to bigger goals that you have set. Hopefully they are. Revisit this question periodically and make adjustments.

You will notice that there are big gains to be made in putting your life in order. As you practice these steps, you will be less stressed, more clear in your thinking and much more productive.

Mother Nature: The Best Stress Antidote

Posted on April 27, 2011 by JanetEisenbise

“In every walk with Nature one receives more than he seeks.” ~John Muir~

Do you feel the need to reduce the stress level in your life? Some of the common symptoms of stress may be familiar to you.

Frequent feelings of irritation, frustration and anger
Lashing out at other people and later feeling remorseful
Driving aggressively or shouting at other drivers
Frequent headaches, muscular tension and backaches
Playing unresolved conflicts over and over again in your mind
Feeling overwhelmed, procrastinating and having trouble organizing yourself
Preoccupied with excessive worry
Feeling out of control of your life
Grinding your teeth
Frequent colds or digestive complaints

Although most of us think that stress is an ever-present condition of modern life, it is not something that we should accept as inevitable nor is it something to be ignored.

Besides affecting the quality of your life, there are serious implications to your health that result from stress. For instance stress affects the tissues of your body by releasing hormones that over time will cause inflammation. And the inflammation is found to be a factor in almost every chronic disease from arthritis, to heart disease and cancer.

So reducing stress needs to be a part of your healthy lifestyle and personal care routine, just as much as brushing your teeth and getting routine check-ups is.

One of the best, easiest and least expensive ways is to connect with nature. Go outdoors and take a walk. Even when the weather isn’t ideal, you will feel better after being out. If you have a dog, you have a built-in reason for going, even when you have to bundle up to stay warm or wear a rain slicker. Children also provide an excuse in that they feel better after a walk or time playing in the yard or park. Or if you want company ask a friend or neighbor to go with you.

In better weather, there may be public gardens near you. Or parks large and small provide access to plants, insects and birds that you may not otherwise see. Take a pair of binoculars along to a bird sanctuary or a telescope out to see the night sky. Often in March, when I can’t stand another day of winter, I take a trip to the National Aquarium where I can be out of the weather and feasting my eyes on a beautiful watery world.

Get grounded (literally) by digging in the earth to plant a tree or a garden. Even if you don’t have a yard, you probably have space for a container garden for flowers, herbs or vegetables. Houseplants are another natural option, even for apartment dwellers. Looking at pictures of nature is also pleasing, and you can easily find plenty of options for gazing at the local library, the Internet or a photo gallery. The sounds of nature can be accessed through CD’s, many of which were designed specifically for relaxation.

However you may choose to do it, be sure to connect with nature to lower your stress level and improve your life.

No News Is Good News

Posted on March 29, 2011 by JanetEisenbise

It was the news of the earthquake in Christchurch, New Zealand that started it. Learning of the disaster rang a personal note because I have some virtual friends there running a company that I am affiliated with. Thankfully they were safe, but the pictures they sent, as well as the ones in the news, told the story of their devastation and obvious distress.

After that came a string of stories from the uprisings in Africa and the Middle East, and the unimaginable disaster and losses in Japan. On my way to book group, I turned on the radio and heard that we were bombing Libya to enforce a no-fly zone. Capped off later with a story of young soldiers having a court-martial for killing civilians and posing with them as big game animals. Have we lost our collective minds?!

My own mind is the only one I can do anything about, and by this time I noticed that I was clearly feeling gloomy and pessimistic. Irritable and with low energy. I was having trouble being productive and keeping focused. No doubt about it, I was suffering from stress.

The meeting of the meditation circle couldn’t have been better timed. As I sat and began to quiet myself, I wondered what I needed to do. Later, it occurred to me that I needed to follow Dr. Andrew Weil’s sage advice and go on a news diet. In fact, I would go on a news fast.

My next thought was, “Can I do it?” After all, my radio comes on in the morning with Morning Edition on NPR. And sometimes before going to bed I turn on local weather and news to see what the next day might bring. My weekend mornings find me listening to Weekend Edition and if I’m not working in the evenings, to All Things Considered. While I spare myself the drama and stories told in soundbites on TV network news, I have to admit I am a news junkie.

And like any junkie, going cold turkey seemed tough and a tad unnerving. And so, copping more advice from the recovery movement, I decided that I would just focus on abstaining from the news one day at a time.

On the first morning the house seemed too quiet, and so I dug out my collection of music which I rarely hear, and began playing them one by one. That was enjoyable and since I like to listen while I write, very pleasant. I came across a couple of discs that will have to go, so weeding them out and organizing them as I go will also fulfill a double purpose of clearing out clutter.

At the end of the first day, I was feeling better. The next morning I decided to continue my news abstinence. Today marks a full week of my news recovery. My mood has improved, and my energy level and focus is much better. At some point I am sure that I will listen to the news again. But the experience of going on a news fast has made me more aware of how being inundated with bad news on a daily basis is stressful, and that stress certainly has a negative effect on body, mind and spirit. It’s good to find a way to cope.