Positive Psychology | Coach4LifeChange

The Power of Gratitude

By JanetEisenbise on Thursday, September 2nd, 2010 | No Comments

White Iris

It may seem to be a paradox that we work on meeting goals in order to change lives and at the same time aim to be happy and contented now. Look ahead to the life we intend to create, while being mindful and present to where we are right now.

It is easy to fall into the trap of complaint, criticism and discontent when we compare where we are with where we wish to be. I was listening to John talk about the financial mess that he faced in the aftermath of a bad relationship. He was looking at a large credit card debt that he and his girlfriend had accumulated as well as loans that he had given her which he would likely never see returned.

It was quite a pile of rubble that was left from the choices that he had made, and he sorely regretted having made them. He was going to have to take some drastic measures to prevent even further losses since paying his mortgage and a car payment was difficult. And the creditors were calling.

As you might expect, he was feeling sad, angry and afraid. And it didn’t help that he was continually berating himself for being so stupid as to have gotten into the situation. He was deeply ashamed.

You might wonder if John would have to wait to feel better until after he had met his goals of cleaning up his debt and getting back on his feet again. The answer is no. And if he continues to berate himself and cause more internal negativity, achieving anything is going to be extremely difficult, if not impossible.

Here is where the power of gratitude comes in. Paying attention to what is going right in your life makes all the difference. And yes, no matter how huge the pile of rubble from the past is, there are things to be grateful for. This may sound too optimistic to be believed, but bear with me.

If you are willing to be mindful of what is present to you NOW, you may notice small but important things that you have tuned out as you worry and stew. It may be the beauty of nature, or the existence of your life and health. Perhaps the kindness of someone you encounter, or some quality within you that you appreciate. If you look and are willing to ask, there is help at hand, and we can always be grateful for that.

The “first aid” assignment that I gave John was to write a gratitude list every day, preferably at the beginning and end of the day. After awakening, he was asked to think about those things and to breathe deeply and to FEEL gratitude. He could observe that he felt more energetic and happy and that getting on with the tasks of the day was much easier.

This has been a spiritual discipline of mine for many years, and I recommend it to you. Something simple yet powerful, expressing gratitude shifts our thoughts to the positive. And since we become what we think about most, and bring into being what our thoughts are focused on, it can be a small step that will change your life.

Don’t Put It Off

By JanetEisenbise on Tuesday, August 31st, 2010 | No Comments

With all this talk about goals, it occurs to me that we may fall into a trap of waiting to be happy UNTIL we meet the goal. You know, something like “When I get to my ideal weight (or find my mate, or buy the new car…) then I will be happy.”

My question is why put it off?

According to the Law of Attraction, we are constantly putting out a vibrational frequency that varies with the thoughts that we have. And we are constantly receiving vibrations of that same frequency that gives us the results that we experience.

So if I am moping because of a disappointment in my progress, then I am putting out a low vibration and am going to be feeling lousy because I am focused on the LACK of what I want. And then I am going to get more of the same.

It is natural to feel disappointed. But when you recognize that you are feeling lousy, then it’s important to change that vibrational level by getting refocused on your positive intention.

Revisit your intended outcome by writing about it or by looking at a picture of it. You can draw a picture of it too.
Feel the satisfaction and excitement that comes with experiencing what you want. Yes, do it now.
Change your posture. Stretch, straighten your spine, put your shoulders back and take several deep breaths.
Go for a walk and look around you, gazing out in the distance.
Call or visit someone who is a positive influence and is encouraging and supportive.
Read something inspiring.
Listen to some great music and dance. Yes, turn up the volume and go to town!

In short, be determined to practice feeling great right now! There’s no point in putting it off. Your health and outlook will be brighter and so will your eventual outcome. Feeling good right now will increase your energy and make the attainment of your goals much easier.

Goals In Late Summer

By JanetEisenbise on Wednesday, August 25th, 2010 | No Comments

Here we are in late summer, a season unto itself according to Chinese medicine. We are having a most welcome reprieve from the heat and humidity that felt so suffocating.

I notice that while the leaves have not started turning, some of them have started falling down when a gust of wind blows. The peaches are hanging heavy on the trees, and the gardens are in their glory.

With all this lush bounty, there is a paradoxical feeling that it is going to come to a rapid end. The days are getting shorter, and impending change is in the air.

For me this sense has probably been heightened by my return from a short vacation to Chicago to visit family. Stepping (or more accurately, flying) out of the routines of my usual life and then returning to it makes this seasonal shift more apparent to me. To literally “vacate” one’s life and then return to it makes one more aware of it.

The harvest of the summer is in full bore right now. Which makes me think about the harvest of my own efforts over the past months. I have heard other people comment about what they had hoped to accomplish over the summer, so apparently I’m not alone.

I invite you to take stock with me. We are past the mid-point of the year, and you may look at where you are in terms of the hopes and goals that you set back in January. Where ever that is, you can take advantage of the natural season and make today count.

Avoid the perfectionistic tendency to criticize, and instead focus on the possibilities of small and meaningful steps that you can take today. You are not too late for harvest; in fact you’re just in time.

A Question about the Law of Attraction

By JanetEisenbise on Wednesday, August 18th, 2010 | No Comments

Have you heard of the Law of Attraction and tried to put it to use in your life? Have you gotten frustrated and decided that it didn’t work? Or that there was some secret ingredient that was left out and you were out of the loop? I know that I have.

Recently I came across something that shed a light on my frustrations. I hope it will be helpful to you too.

You may remember that the first key to change is to decide clearly what you desire, and to intend that change to occur in your life.

· Write down what you desire, either in detailed or generalized terms, utilizing the left side of the brain.

· Either draw or cut out a picture of this desired change to engage the right side of the brain.

· Determine the emotions that you desire and as you imagine this change as if it already has occurred, feel the feelings fully! As you do this you are experiencing the high vibration of happiness, peace, contentment, etc.

· Maintain it for as long as you can. When it wanes or you get into your old habits of thought and feeling, observe yourself and go back to what you DO desire and intend.

So what may be getting in your way? What is interfering with your practice? Do you get off the path and soon find yourself back to where you started, feeling pessimistic and doubtful?

This is what is likely happening. Your conscious mind only knows what you have already experienced. When you go back to your old perspective of negativity and low vibration, your brain is sending out a vibration (and message, if you will) that is contrary to the new one that you intend.

In other words, you are essentially in an argument with yourself. And you are sending out conflicting frequencies that cancel out what you desire. Part A: “I intend to dissolve my debt as quickly as possible.” Part B: “I have always been lousy at managing my money, and will never get out of debt!” After all, you have lots of evidence of the latter, and don’t have a clue as to HOW you might achieve the former.

Here’s a suggestion: for the time being, don’t worry or concern yourself with HOW you will achieve your dream. Just focus on the feeling of WHY you desire it and what it will feel like when you do. Keep your vibration HIGH.

Focus on practicing this for 30 days. It takes about that long to establish a new neuropathways. You may trust that HOW to do things will begin eventually to occur to you. For the time being just practice raising the vibration level of the thoughts that your brain is putting out there. Remember, as Einstein said, “Thoughts are things.”

And that we cannot transmit and receive frequencies of different levels of vibration. In other words, I cannot transmit the low frequencies of doubt and dread and receive a high frequency of health and happiness.

And as Earl Nightingale said, “We become what we think about most of the time.” It pays to pay attention to your thoughts! And to take action if they are NOT what you intend to become!

Law of Attraction Basics

By JanetEisenbise on Monday, August 16th, 2010 | 2 Comments

“But the brain is wired with both a positive and negative motivational system,
and satisfaction and desire demand keeping the brain’s positive system well-stoked!”
~Psychology Today, “The Expectations Trap”~

Recently I have been listening to a set of CDs about the Law of Attraction. You may have heard of this natural law which was widely exposed in the popular book and movie, “The Secret.” I first came across it in the movie “What the Bleep Do We Know?!” I must say that it was one of those life-changing events because it introduced a whole new paradigm to me. A whole different way of looking at the universe and the way it works.

I have been trying to get my head around it ever since. And fortunately I have been finding more resources in books and the Internet.

You may have heard the buzz about the Law of Attraction and wondered what all the fuss was about. Is it just some new age, airy-fairy gimmick that is much ado about nothing? At first blush that may seem to be the case.

But as you begin to understand that there is a connection between quantum physics, how our brains function and that we are constantly creating our reality, you may snap to attention. I know I did.

It is called a Law because like the Law of Gravity, it is operating and a part of our daily life whether we are aware of it or not. You are a creator and are creating your life, day by day according to those laws. If you judge your life to be lousy and lacking, you have created it to be so. And if you find your life rewarding, fulfilling and satisfying, you have created it in that way. That may sound hair-raising or harsh, but I think it’s the truth.

While I am not presenting myself the best person to explain this, here are the essential principles of the Law of Attraction to keep in mind:

· Everything in the universe is in motion. On am atomic level, everything is vibrating, and all matter which may appear solid is not. Although our senses tell us that we are solid, we are not. Our cells are vibrating at different frequencies, no two human beings exactly alike.

· Seemingly solid matter is affected by simply paying attention to it. Things change on a molecular level when we direct our attention to it. Those molecules begin to move and change.

· Our brains both transmit and receive vibration frequencies all the time. We do this with our thoughts. Einstein said, “Thoughts are things.” Meaning that we are transmitting atomic particles which go through “solid” objects, go around the earth and are received by other human beings. Our unconscious mind is communicating with other unconscious minds all the time. Is this what we call intuition? Is it the ability to tune into some unconscious communication and bring it to conscious awareness?

·   The frequency that we transmit is also the frequency that we receive. Our brain receives the particles like a magnet, and in doing so we experience what the universe has to offer that is of the same frequency that we transmitted.

·   When we are vibrating at a higher frequency, we feel good: optimistic, peaceful, energetic and healthy. When we vibrate at a low frequency we feel low: pessimistic, fatigued, blue, doubtful and lethargic.

·   The patterns of thought have a corresponding biochemical flood of neurotransmitters that become neuropathways. A sort of highway in the brain and body that forms a quick and easy “habit” that we repeat over and over again, sometimes for a lifetime. We can actually become addicted to the neurotransmitters of anger, anxiety, pessimism and sadness, etc.

·   The brain has a lot of plasticity, and we are also able to change these “highways of habit” and build new neuropathways that vibrate at a higher, happier, healthier frequency.

So the bottom line is this: whatever you life is, however you feel about it, take full responsibility for it because you have created it. Consciously and unconsciously you have brought about your experience and your reality according to the Law of Attraction. When we take full responsibility, even when we did not consciously intend to create what we did, we can then be empowered to change! We cannot change what we refuse to own!

We’ll be talking more in posts to come about what to do with this.

In the meantime, I welcome your comments, and everyone will benefit from your input.

Change Your Mind with Observation

By JanetEisenbise on Friday, July 30th, 2010 | No Comments

The last few posts have been about some elements of Positive Psychology, which I find attractive because when put into use, people benefit by not only living free of pain and suffering, but by learning to be genuinely happy.

We know this is real change, not a figment of anyone’s imagination, because science has developed the technology to see the living, functioning brain. We know that the old neuropathways of thinking-feeling-action can be moved and changed.

In other words, the brain is much more flexible than once thought.

So how can you change your own neuropathways? One effective way is by observing someone else who is already doing what you desire or intend to do.

For instance if what you intend to do is make a complete change of profession or occupation and become a chef, you would observe someone who is a great chef and learn all you can from watching them.

What if you don’t know someone in person who is a chef? You can watch chefs cook by video or on television shows where they demonstrate their techniques.

You can also ask to interview a chef and find out all you can about how s/he learned to cook and what the most important basic techniques are.

You could also check out biographies of great chefs and learn about their lives, habits and best practices. Reading is a great way to immerse you in a new culture or experience without ever leaving home.

I know that some will object to this because they don’t really enjoy reading, don’t have the time, etc. But the importance of reading is undisputed. “Readers are leaders,” as someone once said, and I believe it is true. The smartest, most capable people I know are avid readers.

Reading and listening, watching and observing are powerful agents of change because they help to shift old patterns of belief and behavior. They are methods that will build new pathways in your brain and body.

You can super charge the vision for your new life by using your library card (or getting one if you don’t have it already); go to the biography section or go to the video “how to” section and surround yourself with new ideas of those who are already achieving what you intend.

More Positive Psychology

By JanetEisenbise on Wednesday, July 28th, 2010 | No Comments

Summer in Maine

Have you wondered how you might improve your ability to make desired changes more quickly? Positive psychology coaching may offer a way to do this. There are two key components of learning new ways of thinking and establishing new patterns of behavior.

One is being open and accepting of new learning. Often we think we know already, and are closed off to new information or a new way of looking at something. Our need to be right will block off the opportunity to learn. What do you do when confronted by a different opinion or point of view? Do you immediately reject it outright?

It is important to understand that our patterns of thought and behavior are often so well established that we have no idea where they even came from. Wayne Dyer calls this “habitual mind,” and we all have acquired it from our early upbringing and are often not even conscious that we are using it.

Are you judgmental and argumentative when you hear something new that contradicts the way that you habitually see things? Then you are close-minded and missing an opportunity to widen your perspective and take in something new that could help to change your life for the better. You can become aware simply by asking yourself a question and observing the answer: “How open am I to new learning?”

The second factor is your willingness to accept change. I hear lots of people who are miserable with their life situations and want to analyze and analyze why but are immediately resistant to changing anything. They often even say how they hate change! And yet life itself is a process of change, isn’t it? If we’re not growing and changing, we are dying.

The resistance comes up in the form of explanations and excuses and reasons. I can’t make more money because my company has eliminated raises this year. I can’t learn Spanish because I’m no good at languages. I can’t exercise because I can’t afford a gym membership. I have a lousy social life because there aren’t any good men (or women).

Here is another good question for you to ask yourself: “What am I willing to give up in order to achieve this?” Would you give up watching TV in order to work a part-time job in the evening or weekend? Would you get out of bed an hour earlier in order to go for a walk before you get ready to go to work? Would you plan a menu and cook a little rather than eating fast food? Would you give up hanging out in the evenings in order to take a class?

Talk about resistance to change! We get mighty uncomfortable when we even THINK about changing our routines! Those well-worn habits have made neuropathways in the brain which means the thoughts-emotions-actions are so automatic that we don’t even have to think about them. And now changing them is awkward and uncomfortable!

But the good news is that we can apply positive psychology and make use of the plasticity of the brain. Meaning that those neuropathways are much more flexible that we once knew. Opening yourself up to new thoughts and practicing new behaviors will strengthen you and increase your resilience.

As you practice them, they will eventually become second nature to you. New goals will be achieved and new growth will occur. When you accomplish these, step by step, you will have the satisfaction of knowing that you are succeeding. And you have used positive psychology to do it.

How Can Positive Psychology Benefit You?

By JanetEisenbise on Monday, July 26th, 2010 | No Comments

Ostrich ferns

How can you make use of one of the most exciting developments in the field of psychology? Could you personally benefit from Positive Psychology?

I think the answer is a resounding yes! There are some principles of this practice that shift the focus from endless analysis of what caused the problem to what you can do to solve the problem.

While it is useful to understand how you have come to the situation you are in, failing to move beyond it will do no good.
One of the concepts that you might understand and then build upon is resilience. Webster defines resilience as:

1: the capability of a strained body to recover its size and shape after deformation caused especially by compressive stress
2: an ability to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change

Karen Reivich, a psychologist who does resilience training for the military has an even better definition. She says, “Resilience is the ability to grow and thrive in the face of challenges – bending instead of breaking. Compassion, patience, love, these are the words I want us to be thinking about.”

At one time the power of positive thinking was understood to be a process of forcing yourself to “paste over” your ordinary reality with some nice, glib statements. There was a character on Saturday Night Live which you might remember talking to himself in the mirror in this manner.

Instead, promote lasting change in yourself by deepening your understanding of what is going on. Stop and ask yourself, “What can I learn from this situation?” Who else is involved and do I empathize with them? What are they experiencing? How can I benefit myself and everyone else?

The Magnificence of Goals

By JanetEisenbise on Monday, July 19th, 2010 | No Comments

Orion Nebula's biggest stars

In recent days I have been thinking more about how to set goals and especially performance goals and the process of supporting and reaching them.

Yesterday I had one of those memorable and inspirational experiences that I want to capture and share. The story of the Hubble space telescope was showing at the local Imax theater in 3D, and I went with two friends to see it.

The pictures were breathtaking and the story was dramatic and inspiring. Of course I had heard the newscasts at the time and thought the story was an interesting one. But the movie provides more of a sense of immediacy and reality.

I remembered afterward that the unconscious mind can’t tell whether what it is seeing is real or imagined. Only the conscious mind knows that it is in a theater watching a movie. No wonder I was on the edge of my seat during the difficult and dangerous mission!

The beauty and magnificence of creation is beyond me to describe. The telescope provides pictures of galaxies millions of light years away. Even so the extent of it is unimaginable. Seeing stars being created and stars in their decline, planets with their suns and moons spinning and moving all in their own orbits is awesome. We could see our own Milky Way and within it our planet Earth, a beautiful and unique life-sustaining orb, suspended.

In all that vastness there is what I would describe as a divine order. A sense of those billions of stars and planets having a life span and a place in the universe. Laws of some kind governing their orbits and their travels in relation to the others. (What keeps them from careening into each other more often than they do?). I can’t believe this is some random series of events that just showed up.

And although it is a common hope and fantasy that we will discover another planet similar to ours, capable of sustaining life as we know it, there is no sign of it. As far as we know, we are IT. There was a reminder that we must care for, heal and sustain this one place that sustains us.

The other big impression that I was left with was the power of the human beings who created and completed the missions of the Hubble. The newscasts showed us pictures and stories of the brave crew members who are blasting off to complete the missions. What the movie shows is the vast cast of supporting members who were helping them train, developing the technology, building and refining the equipment, even dressing them before launch. I think the figure was 10,000 people and 10,000 hours to achieve the goals that made Hubble possible.

And all of them imagining the positive end in mind. We become what we repeatedly think of. For them to press on despite the difficulties, to face the dangers in order to repair the telescope, they had to have a positive outcome in mind. They were obviously NOT imagining failure, and they were NOT saying that it couldn’t be done “because it’s never been done in the past!

How often have you said that to yourself? Imagined a negative outcome to your goal? Or put off even starting because all your conscious mind can conjure up is your experiences of the past? “This is the way we’ve always done it.” or “No one in my family ever flew into space (or went to college, or made that much money, or was a successful painter, etc.).”

Such thoughts and the images you are feeding to your unconscious mind will put a quick and miserable end to the goals statements that you have set. Learn to work with your conscious mind, which feeds your unconscious mind by writing personal goals and then repeatedly giving yourself the images of the outcome you desire.

Photo credit: NASA, European Space Agency, M.Roberto and the Hubble Space Telescope Orion Treasury Project Team

This Moment

By JanetEisenbise on Thursday, June 24th, 2010 | No Comments

Yesterday I told someone that I believe in incarnation. But what I am really sure of is that what we have is in this moment. And that’s all we can be certain of.

Those of us who coach others to meet their goals, and those of us who ourselves set big goals and work hard to achieve them, may have an occupational hazard. And that is thinking that “when” I accomplish such-and-such, I am going to be SO happy! No doubt I will.

But why put it off? Why not do it right now? It’s true that your conditions may not be ideal. You may in fact be able to point to lots of stuff that is on your nerves, or worrying you. But that is usually monkey talk about some future imagined dilemma. Isn’t it?

I just had a brief time to spend with some of the people I love most in the world…my kids and grandchild. It was just lovely. What a blessing it is when your children and their spouses grow up to be people that you would just love spending time with even if you weren’t related to them!

There was some temptation back in my head somewhere to whine to myself about why they have to live so far away. About how I would like to see them and talk to them more often. About why this time today has to suffice for the time being. And how I might feel really lonely after they leave.

But I looked away from that temptation because in the moment, life was perfect. We were catching up with each other, laughing, watching toddler antics and interpreting some secret language that has all the right inflection and some gestures to go along with it. Precious moments.

They are gone for now. And I am not lonely or sad. My heart is full and content with life in this moment. I’m grateful that I have it.

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