Making Healthy Changes | Coach4LifeChange

Focus On Goals

By JanetEisenbise on Monday, August 30th, 2010 | 2 Comments

Recently I returned from a short vacation to Chicago where I had a great time visiting family and being the tourist. Since coming home I have been challenged to get back in the working groove and concentrate on what needs to be done. Do you sometimes have this problem?

When I worked for a large company, my schedule was pretty much determined for me, which in the past was the answer in part to the back-from-vacation-fog. I knew when I had to show up and what was expected of me. And even if my feet were dragging a bit, I DID show up and eventually gained momentum with the job at hand.

But what if you own a business, or what if the goals you are working on aren’t managed by someone else? Then the losses and gains are all yours and the responsibility for them is all yours too.

It occurred to me that although we often hear about “time management,” it really isn’t a problem of time. We all have the same 24 hours and there is nothing we can do to manage that.

I think instead that it is a priority problem. In other words, with the time you have available, what are your priorities with what you get done in it? What is most important? What is less important?

Check out your list of what you desire in your life. (You do have a list, don’t you?) The number one item on your list may be to have a good relationship with your spouse. Or to deepen your spiritual life. Or maybe you want to improve your health by becoming more fit. Or the number one thing on your list may be to increase your income.

Whatever it is, after you identify the thing that is most important to you, check your schedule for the past week or few weeks and see how much time you dedicated to it. Does your schedule reflect your priority?

Maybe more important, how much time were your thoughts focused on this in a positive way? Remember, we become what we think about most of the time!

One way to tell whether you are focused on your goal in a positive way is to observe how you are feeling when you think of them. If you feel good, it’s positive. If you are feeling bad, chances are you are thinking about the LACK of what you desire. And guess what? You will be getting more of that.

A short term goal then would be to feel good every day; focus on what you DO desire and feel good while you do that. Before long, you will be much more aligned in your thoughts, feelings and behaviors and bringing to yourself exactly what you desire.

A Question about the Law of Attraction

By JanetEisenbise on Wednesday, August 18th, 2010 | No Comments

Have you heard of the Law of Attraction and tried to put it to use in your life? Have you gotten frustrated and decided that it didn’t work? Or that there was some secret ingredient that was left out and you were out of the loop? I know that I have.

Recently I came across something that shed a light on my frustrations. I hope it will be helpful to you too.

You may remember that the first key to change is to decide clearly what you desire, and to intend that change to occur in your life.

· Write down what you desire, either in detailed or generalized terms, utilizing the left side of the brain.

· Either draw or cut out a picture of this desired change to engage the right side of the brain.

· Determine the emotions that you desire and as you imagine this change as if it already has occurred, feel the feelings fully! As you do this you are experiencing the high vibration of happiness, peace, contentment, etc.

· Maintain it for as long as you can. When it wanes or you get into your old habits of thought and feeling, observe yourself and go back to what you DO desire and intend.

So what may be getting in your way? What is interfering with your practice? Do you get off the path and soon find yourself back to where you started, feeling pessimistic and doubtful?

This is what is likely happening. Your conscious mind only knows what you have already experienced. When you go back to your old perspective of negativity and low vibration, your brain is sending out a vibration (and message, if you will) that is contrary to the new one that you intend.

In other words, you are essentially in an argument with yourself. And you are sending out conflicting frequencies that cancel out what you desire. Part A: “I intend to dissolve my debt as quickly as possible.” Part B: “I have always been lousy at managing my money, and will never get out of debt!” After all, you have lots of evidence of the latter, and don’t have a clue as to HOW you might achieve the former.

Here’s a suggestion: for the time being, don’t worry or concern yourself with HOW you will achieve your dream. Just focus on the feeling of WHY you desire it and what it will feel like when you do. Keep your vibration HIGH.

Focus on practicing this for 30 days. It takes about that long to establish a new neuropathways. You may trust that HOW to do things will begin eventually to occur to you. For the time being just practice raising the vibration level of the thoughts that your brain is putting out there. Remember, as Einstein said, “Thoughts are things.”

And that we cannot transmit and receive frequencies of different levels of vibration. In other words, I cannot transmit the low frequencies of doubt and dread and receive a high frequency of health and happiness.

And as Earl Nightingale said, “We become what we think about most of the time.” It pays to pay attention to your thoughts! And to take action if they are NOT what you intend to become!

Taking the Pressure Off

By JanetEisenbise on Wednesday, August 11th, 2010 | No Comments

You may assume that reaching for a life of your dreams involves setting and working on goals. That is a frequent subject of the posts in this blog, as well as many books and seminars related to human development.

In studying and practicing the art of life change, I have frequently heard that being specific about what you desire, and establishing a deadline for when you intend to manifest it, are both essential to success.

The problem is that taken to an extreme, these steps can create a lot of pressure. And the tension that we feel is actually counterproductive. And they are especially so because they begin to create doubt in our belief that we could possibly succeed.
Here are a couple of things to consider:

1. We are notoriously awful at accurately predicting what will bring us happiness. And if, in being specific with descriptive details, we lock ourselves into the one possibility that we can imagine, we are limiting ourselves and eliminating a myriad of other possibilities that we can’t even imagine!

For instance, Joe is looking for a new job. And a friend has told him of a position that has opened up. Joe is excited because it is in his field, pays well and sounds just perfect. He focuses on how much he wants THAT job, and prepares for the interview, hoping and praying that he will get it. In the meantime, there are many other possibilities that he isn’t even aware of because they are “off his radar.”

As it turns out, he doesn’t get the job he hoped for, and he is angry, disappointed and discouraged. After he recovers and is back to working on his goal, visualizing success, feeling positive, he hears someone talking at a party about looking for a contractor to provide technical services. It includes specialized knowledge and a skill set that Joe just acquired through a certification course that he took over a year ago. It pays way more per hour than he has ever received and he has all the equipment he needs to work from home.

Joe is thrilled and amazed at how this opportunity just “fell in his lap.” He’s really happy that he didn’t get that other job!

2. While it is helpful to track the action steps that you take toward a goal, imposing a strict deadline (interesting word, isn’t it? “Dead line”) will limit and inhibit your progress. How? Primarily by creating fear and doubt that you can possibly succeed, which means you are then wasting energy fighting with yourself.

Deciding ahead of time when you will reach that goal is just unrealistic if you have no basis of experience for the steps you are taking. Noting the steps and appreciating yourself every day, and enjoying the process involved will make a big positive difference.

So take the pressure off. Focus on how you feel about achieving the goal. Keep those good vibrations up and keep moving!

Showing Up Anyway

By JanetEisenbise on Tuesday, August 3rd, 2010 | No Comments

It seems that in the process of setting goals and meeting them, that although we begin with great enthusiasm and energy, we come to a screeching halt. Before I got serious about my intention to be a writer, I would get completely thrown off when I would hit one of these “fallow” periods in the creative process.

Discouraged and distracted, I would be convinced that I “didn’t have what it takes,” and quit. Until somehow my desires and dreams were inspired to action once again. And so it went. A cycle of beginning and quitting, beginning and quitting.

This may or may not sound familiar to you. What I have learned from it, and from reading and listening to countless successful mentors, personally as well as in books, is that the “uncreative” moments are a part of creating.

“One must also accept that one has ‘uncreative’ moments. The more honestly one can accept that, the quicker
these moments will pass. One must have the courage to call a halt, to feel empty and discouraged.”
~Etty Hillesum~

When you come to the hour when inspiration seems to have vanished, and your energy and attention seems weak and unfocused, remember not to give up.

Julia Cameron, in The Artist’s Way reminds us to acknowledge and accept that the fallow periods are just a part of it, and to show up anyway. You have to go to work and trudge through it. Put your butt in the chair and do the work. Fingers to the keyboard, or brush to the canvas, or take a step in the marketing plan, as the case may be.

It may take awhile to regain momentum. It may feel like real labor for awhile. Don’t concern yourself that what you are producing isn’t up to your standards. Save it and keep moving ahead. You can edit and alter it later. Or if it really is crap, you can throw it away later.

Chances are, you will see that it has value. And just by the act of showing up for work, you will once again feel inspired and energized. Maybe it’s an act of faith that is rewarded by the support of the universe. I don’t know, but I do know that the fallow period will end, and new life will spring forth. Just keep showing up.

Change Your Mind with Observation

By JanetEisenbise on Friday, July 30th, 2010 | No Comments

The last few posts have been about some elements of Positive Psychology, which I find attractive because when put into use, people benefit by not only living free of pain and suffering, but by learning to be genuinely happy.

We know this is real change, not a figment of anyone’s imagination, because science has developed the technology to see the living, functioning brain. We know that the old neuropathways of thinking-feeling-action can be moved and changed.

In other words, the brain is much more flexible than once thought.

So how can you change your own neuropathways? One effective way is by observing someone else who is already doing what you desire or intend to do.

For instance if what you intend to do is make a complete change of profession or occupation and become a chef, you would observe someone who is a great chef and learn all you can from watching them.

What if you don’t know someone in person who is a chef? You can watch chefs cook by video or on television shows where they demonstrate their techniques.

You can also ask to interview a chef and find out all you can about how s/he learned to cook and what the most important basic techniques are.

You could also check out biographies of great chefs and learn about their lives, habits and best practices. Reading is a great way to immerse you in a new culture or experience without ever leaving home.

I know that some will object to this because they don’t really enjoy reading, don’t have the time, etc. But the importance of reading is undisputed. “Readers are leaders,” as someone once said, and I believe it is true. The smartest, most capable people I know are avid readers.

Reading and listening, watching and observing are powerful agents of change because they help to shift old patterns of belief and behavior. They are methods that will build new pathways in your brain and body.

You can super charge the vision for your new life by using your library card (or getting one if you don’t have it already); go to the biography section or go to the video “how to” section and surround yourself with new ideas of those who are already achieving what you intend.

More Positive Psychology

By JanetEisenbise on Wednesday, July 28th, 2010 | No Comments

Summer in Maine

Have you wondered how you might improve your ability to make desired changes more quickly? Positive psychology coaching may offer a way to do this. There are two key components of learning new ways of thinking and establishing new patterns of behavior.

One is being open and accepting of new learning. Often we think we know already, and are closed off to new information or a new way of looking at something. Our need to be right will block off the opportunity to learn. What do you do when confronted by a different opinion or point of view? Do you immediately reject it outright?

It is important to understand that our patterns of thought and behavior are often so well established that we have no idea where they even came from. Wayne Dyer calls this “habitual mind,” and we all have acquired it from our early upbringing and are often not even conscious that we are using it.

Are you judgmental and argumentative when you hear something new that contradicts the way that you habitually see things? Then you are close-minded and missing an opportunity to widen your perspective and take in something new that could help to change your life for the better. You can become aware simply by asking yourself a question and observing the answer: “How open am I to new learning?”

The second factor is your willingness to accept change. I hear lots of people who are miserable with their life situations and want to analyze and analyze why but are immediately resistant to changing anything. They often even say how they hate change! And yet life itself is a process of change, isn’t it? If we’re not growing and changing, we are dying.

The resistance comes up in the form of explanations and excuses and reasons. I can’t make more money because my company has eliminated raises this year. I can’t learn Spanish because I’m no good at languages. I can’t exercise because I can’t afford a gym membership. I have a lousy social life because there aren’t any good men (or women).

Here is another good question for you to ask yourself: “What am I willing to give up in order to achieve this?” Would you give up watching TV in order to work a part-time job in the evening or weekend? Would you get out of bed an hour earlier in order to go for a walk before you get ready to go to work? Would you plan a menu and cook a little rather than eating fast food? Would you give up hanging out in the evenings in order to take a class?

Talk about resistance to change! We get mighty uncomfortable when we even THINK about changing our routines! Those well-worn habits have made neuropathways in the brain which means the thoughts-emotions-actions are so automatic that we don’t even have to think about them. And now changing them is awkward and uncomfortable!

But the good news is that we can apply positive psychology and make use of the plasticity of the brain. Meaning that those neuropathways are much more flexible that we once knew. Opening yourself up to new thoughts and practicing new behaviors will strengthen you and increase your resilience.

As you practice them, they will eventually become second nature to you. New goals will be achieved and new growth will occur. When you accomplish these, step by step, you will have the satisfaction of knowing that you are succeeding. And you have used positive psychology to do it.

Smart Goals One Bolt at a Time

By JanetEisenbise on Wednesday, July 21st, 2010 | 2 Comments

"A Perfect Storm of Turbulent Gases"

Goal planning for most of us is a real challenge. And often the follow-through is also difficult. Even when we are highly motivated to reach a personal goal, we can become overwhelmed and lose focus.

My goals, perhaps like yours, often involve making a lot of small steps on the road to fruition. And often I get distracted by thinking about some aspect that I don’t know yet how to complete, and lose track of where I am in the process.

On Monday’s post I commented on the movie, “Hubble,” the story of the last mission to repair the giant space telescope. One of the points that impressed me had to do with reaching goals.

The astronauts had a daunting task ahead of them. They had to complete a number of difficult mechanical and technical repairs and do this in a weightless, deeply cold and airless environment. And they were wearing bulky spacesuits which were tethered to the shuttle, as were all the tools that they used.

Their gloves were especially vulnerable as they manipulated the tools and the telescope parts they were replacing. A cut to the glove would allow air to escape and would be fatal.

They practiced the maneuvers over and over again in a replica of the equipment which was in a deep pool of water to give them the best sense of weightlessness possible. They were well prepared, but of course things happen in real life that are unexpected, and their teamwork and ability to problem solve would certainly be called for.

There were some very tense moments when one team had problems loosening a bolt and then later removing a screw. They were stuck and for awhile it looked like the whole mission might be compromised or scrapped. It took hours for them to complete the task.

One of the astronauts said that he adopted a Zen approach. By this he meant that he focused on just one screw or bolt at a time. He wasn’t thinking about the whole mission, or the myriad of other screws and what if they were ALL this difficult to remove?! Instead, he focused only on the screw at hand.

I was impressed. His approach was simple and wise. Not necessarily easy though. He had trained his mind to focus on just one thing and to complete that one task before he began thinking about another. Self discipline.

We can all learn to do this. Even though sometimes I think the human mind is a lot like a band of monkeys, running around being unruly, and when alarmed, shrieking and jumping about causing a lot of commotion. It’s hard to get anything done when our thoughts are like that.

With practice, you can learn to focus your mind on one step in reaching your personal goals, business goals or career goals. That’s really all we can accomplish anyway…just the one step at hand.

Photo credit: ESA,NSA, and J. Hester, Arizona State U.

The Magnificence of Goals

By JanetEisenbise on Monday, July 19th, 2010 | No Comments

Orion Nebula's biggest stars

In recent days I have been thinking more about how to set goals and especially performance goals and the process of supporting and reaching them.

Yesterday I had one of those memorable and inspirational experiences that I want to capture and share. The story of the Hubble space telescope was showing at the local Imax theater in 3D, and I went with two friends to see it.

The pictures were breathtaking and the story was dramatic and inspiring. Of course I had heard the newscasts at the time and thought the story was an interesting one. But the movie provides more of a sense of immediacy and reality.

I remembered afterward that the unconscious mind can’t tell whether what it is seeing is real or imagined. Only the conscious mind knows that it is in a theater watching a movie. No wonder I was on the edge of my seat during the difficult and dangerous mission!

The beauty and magnificence of creation is beyond me to describe. The telescope provides pictures of galaxies millions of light years away. Even so the extent of it is unimaginable. Seeing stars being created and stars in their decline, planets with their suns and moons spinning and moving all in their own orbits is awesome. We could see our own Milky Way and within it our planet Earth, a beautiful and unique life-sustaining orb, suspended.

In all that vastness there is what I would describe as a divine order. A sense of those billions of stars and planets having a life span and a place in the universe. Laws of some kind governing their orbits and their travels in relation to the others. (What keeps them from careening into each other more often than they do?). I can’t believe this is some random series of events that just showed up.

And although it is a common hope and fantasy that we will discover another planet similar to ours, capable of sustaining life as we know it, there is no sign of it. As far as we know, we are IT. There was a reminder that we must care for, heal and sustain this one place that sustains us.

The other big impression that I was left with was the power of the human beings who created and completed the missions of the Hubble. The newscasts showed us pictures and stories of the brave crew members who are blasting off to complete the missions. What the movie shows is the vast cast of supporting members who were helping them train, developing the technology, building and refining the equipment, even dressing them before launch. I think the figure was 10,000 people and 10,000 hours to achieve the goals that made Hubble possible.

And all of them imagining the positive end in mind. We become what we repeatedly think of. For them to press on despite the difficulties, to face the dangers in order to repair the telescope, they had to have a positive outcome in mind. They were obviously NOT imagining failure, and they were NOT saying that it couldn’t be done “because it’s never been done in the past!

How often have you said that to yourself? Imagined a negative outcome to your goal? Or put off even starting because all your conscious mind can conjure up is your experiences of the past? “This is the way we’ve always done it.” or “No one in my family ever flew into space (or went to college, or made that much money, or was a successful painter, etc.).”

Such thoughts and the images you are feeding to your unconscious mind will put a quick and miserable end to the goals statements that you have set. Learn to work with your conscious mind, which feeds your unconscious mind by writing personal goals and then repeatedly giving yourself the images of the outcome you desire.

Photo credit: NASA, European Space Agency, M.Roberto and the Hubble Space Telescope Orion Treasury Project Team

Relationship Tips 101

By JanetEisenbise on Wednesday, July 14th, 2010 | 3 Comments

Since the quality of the relationships we have seem to have the most direct correlation to the quality of our lives, then learning how to improve them may be a top priority. In short, those with the best relationships report greater health and happiness in their lives.

For those who are weary from the battlegrounds of married and family life, or those who are feeling bored and restless, there are a couple of very simple things that can make a difference. Of course I must add a caveat since just knowing these things won’t make a bean’s worth of difference. It is in practicing them consistently (preferably every day) that will change your life and your relationships.

Here we go:

You are likely focused on what is wrong with this person or people you are living or interacting with. If you can make a list of your aggravations with them, that is definitely the case. Since what we focus on gets bigger, your irritation and resentment will keep growing if you maintain your negative focus.

Make a list of what you do want. Think in concrete, simple outcomes. Be reasonable in keeping the person’s capabilities and personality in mind. Or as my niece has been heard saying, “Keep in mind who you are working with.” Tune into those qualities that you desire to experience in relationship with that person and write them down.

Play a new game called “Catch Them Doing Something Right.” Watch for the person to do something positive and be quick to express your appreciation for it. Acknowledge even small things with a quick thanks at least. Be quiet about infractions that you notice (breathe deeply and release your tension) and delay reacting. If it’s really important, set aside time to talk about it when you are calm and can be constructive. Pay attention to the positive qualities and behaviors and be grateful.

Focus on being the person that you wish to attract in others. Feel the feelings of peace or love or whatever you desire to experience with the other person or family members in the relationship.

When you do offer critical feedback, use what I call the “Kiss-Slap-Kiss Approach.” Begin with a truthful compliment acknowledging something you appreciate. Say in an assertive way (starting the statement with “I” not “you,”) what you want in the way of change. End in another compliment or positive comment.

You will soon be noticing a shift in how you are feeling about the relationship. First because it just feels better to be thinking and looking for the good in others. And when you are being what you desire, those qualities will be growing and becoming more a part of your daily life.

The Love of Comfort

By JanetEisenbise on Tuesday, July 6th, 2010 | No Comments

We all seek comfort, no doubt about it. And we certainly need it in this age of what I call normalized stress. We almost take for granted that we are going to be tense and exhausted and irritated in our daily lives. And when we are, we need to seek relief to avoid damage to health and quality of life.

But there are times when seeking comfort is a short road to broken dreams. A degree of discomfort comes with the territory of growth and development. Any adult going through a transition is going to experience discomfort. And big dreams really require us to stretch way out of our comfort zones.

We not only have to feel creative tension, we have to work with it or we will never experience the changes we desire. Your body mind may be interpreting this tension as unpleasant or even dangerous. And so at least unconsciously we are directed to make a big U-turn on the road to progress.

Can you think of a goal or project that you have abandoned mid-stream? Ever start a challenging class and drop out? Do you have unfinished projects that got the better of you and are languishing in your basement or attic or back in the closet? Did you take a nap and never get back to it?

We usually have lots of ways to rationalize this. The one I hear most often is “I’m too busy.” What we are usually too busy with are the daily routines that we complain about all the time.

Staying on the couch in front of the TV is certainly safe and comfortable. Hours can go by before you get up and go to bed. There is a reason that TV is called the “great hypnotic.” You can disappear inside it and never know you are gone. It’s hard to stay conscious in front of it.

I want to suggest that you learn to accept, acknowledge and work through the necessary discomfort that comes with the goals you have set. Instead of avoiding it, embrace it as a sign of progress. A sign that you are moving and that you are moving in the right direction.

Focus on the possibilities in your new endeavor, and open yourself up to the inspiration and help that comes when you do.

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