Love and Marriage: Good for your Health?

Posted on April 18, 2010 by JanetEisenbise

“If you do not change direction,
you may end up where you are heading.”
~Tao Tzu~

The New York Times ran an article about how marriage affects the state of your health. Conventional wisdom has said that people who marry tend to live longer and to be healthier than those who don’t. This is based on the earliest research on the subject which was published in 1858 by British William Farr.

The question has been revisited more recently in studies that look at the more varied nuances of modern life and relationships. Groups of married couples, couples living together, widowed and divorced and never married people were included.

Generally it seems that the key to relationships and health boil down to how conflicted and stressful it is. Stress has a bad effect on the immune system. And the more severe and chronic the level of stress, the worse it is for your health.

What factor seems to boost this stress effect? Conflict of course. And the nastier and more personal the conflict, the higher the stress and the longer it takes the body to recover from it. Couples who can have an argument without personal attacks, and can reach some agreement, show a beneficial effect on their general health.

One study shows that men have a negative reaction to arguments which center around control issues, and that women suffer more from a lack of affection or a feeling of positive regard. In other words, even during or after an argument, if women perceived that their partner still loved them, they tolerated the stress of the conflict remarkably better than if they didn’t.

The bottom line is that married people do generally live longer and healthier lives than those who never marry or are divorced. But people who had gotten out of a hostile or cold, conflicted relationship are healthier than those who stay in the marital wars.

If you are married and thus inevitably have conflict, then learn how to fight in a constructive and effective way. And if you have gotten out of a destructive relationship, then learn what you need to learn about yourself and get over your ex and what happened. Keeping yourself in a toxic stew of anger, resentment and stress is what is most detrimental to your health.

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/04/18/magazine/18marriage-t.html?pagewanted=1&partner=rss&emc=rss&src=ig

Happy Taxes?

Posted on April 16, 2010 by JanetEisenbise

This morning while I was driving to the post office to get my taxes in the mail, I suddenly remembered a comment that Dr. Marshall made when I was in graduate school. He said that there were taxes that he considered “happy taxes” and that he was glad to pay.

At the time I was a little startled to hear it, and this morning thought of the irony. Like most people I heard myself grumbling about the effort and expense of meeting my obligation to Uncle Sam. I admit to some tension with the whole ordeal.

And of course it is hard to miss the resentful comments about taxes on the news and in nearly every political campaign coming from every quarter. People are paying too much or too little or the money is designated for the wrong thing, or it’s being wasted. It’s rare to hear anything positive about taxes.

So I asked myself what taxes am I happy to pay? At the time I was driving down a street that has been torn up for months for major infrastructure work. During the day it is always one lane driving which means a lot of waiting. You would think that I could remember more often not to go that way! I can see they are making progress, and no one would argue that the road doesn’t need a major overhaul. I’m glad that my taxes are paying for that.

On the same trip I saw the police pull someone over for a traffic violation. While I’m not happy if that’s me being stopped, I am happy to pay the taxes so that the police can be there doing what they do.

I wish more of my taxes were going to support the library that I love. And public radio and television that I listen to frequently. They have taken a bit hit during this recession. I’m really glad that my taxes support public education. Do you realize that we are nearly the only country in the world that has taken on the obligation to educate every child regardless of his/her ability or life circumstance? An educated populace is essential for a working democracy.

Of course my taxes also help pay for things I wish they didn’t. And what can I do about that? Until the IRS gives us a line item designation, nothing. I do occasionally express my wishes and opinions to my elected representatives. And I have been known to sign a petition or two. And although it seems very indirect most of the time, I also express myself in the voting booth.

There are no doubt more things to be happy about supporting. Thinking of them makes writing the check a little less painful.

Thinking About Retirement?

Posted on April 11, 2010 by JanetEisenbise

Lake in Maine

Last week Supreme Court Justice John Paul Stevens announced that he plans to retire in a few months. The oldest and longest serving judge in the court, he will turn 90 soon. Well past the point that most people think about retirement.

The political pundits are speculating about the battle lines that will be forming over the appointment of the justice who will replace Judge Stevens. No doubt there will be another bruising fight between ideological opponents in the Senate.

But what interests me is that a man who has lived for the better part of a century is just now deciding to retire after working at his profession and serving on the court since 1975. Never mind the years of work that led up to his appointment by President Gerald Ford.

Every week I hear at least one person, decades younger that Justice Stevens, counting the years or months until they can escape their jobs by retiring. When I ask what they intend to do next, most of them say they are looking forward to doing nothing.

Usually this is someone who hates work and has a pension they are counting on to support them. A model from previous generations, I don’t think it’s a very healthy one. Recent studies support this by indicating that doing nothing is bad for brain health, emotional and social well-being.

In short, living without purpose and meaningful work is not good for you. Of course going day after day to a job you hate isn’t good for you either, but that’s a topic for another day.

I would suggest that we retire the usual concept of retirement! Better to consider the nearly endless field of possibilities for making a transition to a new arena of work. Work that may make use of different interests and skill sets that you have.

Consider developing interests that you haven’t had time for. Make new social connections; volunteer to teach what you know to others; learn something new.

You will be healthier and happier for it, and will probably live a longer life.