“May God bless you with enough foolishness
to believe that you really can make a difference in this world,
so that you are able, with God’s grace,
to do what others claim cannot be done.”
~The Fourth of a Four-Fold Franciscan Blessing~

As a citizen of PA I have been, like thousands of others, reeling in the wake of events that have occurred in our state over the past week.  A child sexual assault scandal has rocked a hallowed institution, and ended the careers of a number of powerful men.  Arrests have been made and further investigations are ongoing.

Besides being shocked and appalled by what has been happening under our very noses for many years, we hear expressions of outrage, disgust, fear and sorrow.  Personally I have felt them too.  Admittedly I am not a Penn State graduate, nor am I am fan of college football.  I follow sports only at Olympics time and whatever commentary or news is covered by NPR.  I have been known to go into a coma at the sound of football commentary on TV.  So my concerns don’t really extend to those entities.

What I think this is about is the assault on innocent children, and the abuse of power by people who apparently believe that sustaining  institutional structures and the cash cow of college football  (in this case) is more important than protecting those who are vulnerable, unprotected and have no power at all.

It isn’t even really about Penn State and college football;  unfortunately this misuse of power and scandal has besmirched the Catholic Church, the Mormon Church, (probably every other church to some extent), other professional sports teams such as the Red Sox, and maybe even a local day care center in your community.

At the risk of sounding like an alarmist or shocking you, what I am saying is that no group or community is immune to it.

These acts are not perpetrated by monsters, although we like to call them that.  They are not mentally ill people who have some “chemical imbalance” or brain dysfunction which keeps them unable to control their impulses.  They are ordinary people who make awful choices.  That they themselves were once similarly abused is likely the case.  However, they have other options for dealing with pain, rather than inflicting it on others.

And what about the silent witnesses?  They are ordinary people too.  People who look and live an awful lot like you and me.  And when you think about it, the witnesses by far out-number the monstrous perpetrators who inhabit so many nightmares.  And the situations of abuse that seem to go on and on before they are finally (if ever) reported, are only made possible by people who turn a blind eye.

In one of many conversations I had last week, someone suggested that the witnesses at Penn State didn’t call the police because they feared for their jobs.  As it turns out, their jobs would not be protected, at least in this state, because only certain occupational groups (teachers, counselors, doctors and nurses) have a duty to report.  Ironically, coaches who deal with hundreds of minors, do not.  Neither does John or Jill Q. Public.  So protecting one’s career and financial interests can certainly outweigh doing the moral or ethical thing without legal consequences.

It would certainly be uncomfortable to buck the power of the institution, to risk disapproval and maybe even the ire of those who are at the top of the heap, wielding the most power.  Lord knows it is uncomfortable standing up and opposing any existing order.  Most of us are way too invested in pleasing other people…especially our “superiors” or those we see as authorities or deities (with a small “d”).

But what I want to remind you of is that there is tremendous power in the simple witnessing of anything you see or hear.  There must be some sociological law that serves as the counterpart of nuclear physics which says that anything being observed is changed just by that process of being observed.

Can even one single individual change the world order?  Yes, I have to believe that we can.  The fate of one potential victim or one injured victim can be changed if we are willing to endure our own discomfort and stand up, dial a phone number and say, “I have seen this, or I have heard this, or I have reason to be concerned about this. “

Institutions of power can only abuse that power if the witnesses are all complicit in denying what they have seen and heard and been concerned about.  One individual, especially when joined by others, can topple the biggest house of cards.  You may think it is foolish to believe, but history is rife with examples of those who dared to speak up and of those who did not.  The consequences are clear, and the children are still suffering.

It was certainly not the day that I had expected.  And it was not the day that I had planned.  But the day that I was given, delivered by a rainy and gusty hurricane, turned out to be the perfect day after all.

Very early this morning I was awakened by the power going off.  Not really a sound, but a sudden lack of sound.  All the humming of the household appliances, electronics and gadgets suddenly stopping.  Since it was barely light, I went back to sleep.  Later when I got up and dressed, I was wondering what would happen to the day that I had been looking forward to so much.  The torrents of rain, which had been falling all night, seemed to be letting up.  But the wind was ferocious at times, whipping at the branches in the oak trees outside my window.

A phone call confirmed that the plans that I had made with friends were cancelled because of the power outage.  And as fiercely as the wind was blowing, there was no telling when it would be operational again.  As it turned out, not until early evening.

There was a strange feeling that ensued.  All the morning routines seem to involve electricity somehow.  Coffee?  I can’t imagine starting my day without it, but there was no way to brew it.  I almost always turn on the radio to NPR first thing in the morning, but that was out.  No way to check TV news for word on the hurricane or the damage it had left in its wake.  Our power grid was part of the damage.

I have to confess that getting coffee was a priority.  Perhaps a nearby Starbucks had electricity, and I was willing to take a car ride to find out.  Cars and trucks were driving by, so I knew that conditions on the streets were at least safe enough to be passable.  And sure enough, my “Jonesing” after a cup of Joe was soon enough taken care of.  One caffeine fix later, the day stretched out before me.

The wind was blowing, and the oppressive humidity before the hurricane was gone.  I sat in the silence of the house, listening to the branches and leaves moving in the wind.  The curtains fluttered and the cool air was soothing.

My journal is a frequent companion to my early hours, but I had not written in it for a full week.  Unusual, but understandable since I had had a week of one demand after another.  A full work schedule, a family crisis, plus two houseguests, accompanied by Mudslide, the greyhound, had filled it up.  I was busy, stressed and preoccupied with the events of the week.  My houseguests went on their way.  And now that I had nowhere to go and nothing to do but be with myself,  I realized that I was extremely tired.

And so, after listening to the silence, I began to listen to myself and to write.  As the day went on, and thoughts and questions continued to occur to me, I came back to write.  I held the cat and watched the wind blow the trees around.  I decided to read a couple of magazines that I subscribe to but often don’t get around to reading.  Found an interesting article on intuition, which I have been thinking about lately.

And then I took a nap.  I can’t remember when I last did that.  For some reason I seem to have lost the ability to nap during the day.  I used to nap routinely when my children were at home, especially when they were small,  but not in recent years.  The phone rang, but I let it go to voicemail, and went back to sleep.

After getting up and writing some more and reading more of the magazine, I heard that small “thud” that signals the return of power.  For awhile I was reluctant to turn anything on, but finally the light at my desk because the daylight was fading.  I walked around the house, noticing the flashing digital clocks and the hum of the refrigerator.  And then after awhile I turned the computer on in order to write this post.  But I have decided not to check my email, or Facebook or Twitter.  I don’t feel the need to call anyone.  The radio and television are still quiet, and I think I’m going to leave them that way until tomorrow.

There is something about the silence that is deeply restful.  And something about living without the distraction of electronic screens that renders a sense of peace.  Being disconnected from the world is a good thing, at least in small doses.  I wonder what an extended vacation from electronics might offer.

I do know this:  sometimes when the plans that we make are scuttled, and Mother Nature has shown her power (and her complete indifference to those plans) it is a good thing.  The Quakers may say that this day was an example of Divine Order.   I believe that it is.

Recent weather events across the globe and the United States have raised my awareness of how suddenly and completely life can turn on a dime.  Most of us who have watched and listened to the news have to be sobered by the forces of nature that have ended many lives and upended the lives of bewildered survivors.

Our hearts go out to those who are in shock at the devastation and in such great need of help in just getting through another day.  For many it will be a long time before life will seem ordinary again, and for some it will be forever changed.

On a smaller and more personal scale, life events bring about catastrophic changes that are just as shocking and life changing. It may be a death in the family, or of a spouse; announcement of a divorce that is unwanted and unexpected; job loss; the death of a beloved pet; or a frightening diagnosis.

You may have been the one who is experiencing the catastrophe, or one who knows someone else who is.  Even though you empathize, you may find yourself feeling that you don’t know what to say or do.

The thing is, it doesn’t matter exactly WHAT you say; just say SOMETHING.  There is no perfect thing to say that will change the shock and pain for someone else.  However, you can provide something that is essential for solace and healing, and there’s no need to sound like a greeting card to do it.

Dr. Louis Cozolino is a clinical psychologist in Los Angeles and professor of psychology at Pepperdine University, and an adjunct clinical professor of psychiatry at UCLA.  An expert in brain functioning and trauma, he states that when we are traumatized, the brain is both in a high state of arousal and at the same time our abilities to speak or verbalize are lowered.

“[When traumatized] We have a brain that’s similar to taking a very cheap and small economy car, and putting a race car engine in it,” he says.

The ancient survival instinct to stay frozen in silence, does not serve us well in the aftermath of trauma.  As we see now, what happens with trauma is that one of the things that we need to do is stay conscious and aware, is to talk through what’s going on with us.  And we need connection with other people in order to do that.

Dr. Cozolino emphasizes, “In the absence of language, people that are traumatized and dissociated really suffer, and that suffering can go on throughout their entire lives.”  On the other hand, human beings can overcome almost anything if they have the opportunity to talk through and process what is happening to them.

So when catastrophe strikes, instead of feeling helpless and that there is nothing to do, remember that the most simple thing is also the most important thing.  Speak to the person who is suffering the trauma, and stay in touch.  Make a visit in person if possible, call on the phone and send cards, and do these things repeatedly.  Give that friend, relative or acquaintance lots of opportunities to talk about what they are experiencing.  The best gift you can give them is to listen attentively and to let them know that they are not alone or forgotten.

Yes, your own feelings are going to be aroused.  You may feel afraid as you imagine yourself in their position.  You may have suffered a similar loss.  They may be experiencing a loss that you are most afraid of yourself.  It may be appropriate to share some of those thoughts and feelings.  But keep in mind, this is not primarily about you.

The most important thing is to stay in touch and allow them opportunity to express their thoughts and feelings.  The most painful thing is for them to feel isolated and alone right now.  Your attention and listening ear is a gift that will diminish their suffering better than anything.

If you’re like me, you probably don’t think twice about going to the kitchen faucet and filling a glass of water to get a drink.  Although I read about some city water supplies containing some nasty stuff, generally we are not in danger of contracting any diseases from the water we drink.

And most of us take for granted that every time we turn on the faucet, or brush our teeth or flush the toilet or take a shower, that the water is going to flow.

But the same cannot be said of millions of people all over the world.  People are dying of water borne bacteria and parasites.  Women spend their entire day walking with water jugs to fill and carry back for their families. And often that water is not safe to drink.

Do we have a right to safe drinking water?  There’s no doubt that water is essential.  And if some of us, in the developed countries have that right, what about those in the less developed parts of the world?

We have squandered it, polluted it and generally treated it as if there could be no end to it.  We have implemented farming practices in some parts of the country that are not sustainable and put the water supply in jeopardy.  And there are some part of this country where clean water is increasingly in short supply.

What would it take to extend the right to safe drinking water to everyone?  The United Nations initiative has that as a goal. Seeking solutions to restore polluted waterways, eliminate waste, bring the means to provide safe water sources for everyone will require consciousness, determination and action on the parts of all of us.

We all can play a part as individuals as well as governments.  Educate yourself about local water resources.  Change your water wasting practices.  And contact your government agencies and representatives and ask them to use water responsibly.

Irises

It’s Memorial Day, a holiday with some paradoxical associations for me.  As a school kid it meant the real beginning of summer, and with its extra day off the end of the school year, usually brought a picnic and family time.  Reared in a family with pacifist religious beliefs, the military association was lost on me until years later.

As I studied American and world history the pictures I got about war were horrifying and the ramifications deeply disturbing.  And although I certainly don’t claim to know what all the realistic alternatives to war are, I wish that we as members of the human race would dedicate our efforts and resources to figuring it out.

The physical, emotional and social ramifications of surviving war have been brought home to me in working with the family members of enlisted military personnel and returning soldiers. As well as the professionals in the trenches of treating the wounded warriors who are weary and traumatized as well. Those facing a long recovery of PTSD and the ones who love them and are trying to hold the marriage and family together need all the help and support they can get.  And too often that help and support is in ridiculously short supply. Too little too late.

I have to confess to feeling angry, sad and helpless about this.  And when I hear the platitudes of Memorial Day repeated, I also confess to a sort of disconnect.  They really don’t make any sense to me.

I don’t think those who are killed and maimed and traumatized are helped by our ceremonies and flag waving.  I think those ceremonies and platitudes help us feel better about our passive acceptance of a system of thinking gone seriously awry.

Can you imagine what might transpire if we could change this paradigm?  What might happen if the governments of the world would direct a portion of their military spending to understanding and treating the problems that underlie conflicts that lead to war?

Can you imagine what might happen if we as ordinary people were to begin to question and search for answers to these problems and to expect those who represent us to do the same?  What if we were to look beneath the fear that leads to aggressive knee-jerk reactions?  What if we didn’t need to repeat the platitudes to mask our fear and sadness over what has happened?

I like to imagine that we had several generations of young people who didn’t have a war to attend.  And that Memorial Day was a distant memory of the old people.  And that there was a more light and lovely way to usher in the summer.

The news of the past week reminds us that we are all living in a very small place.  Oil gushing out of the sea bed in the Gulf of Mexico is sending shock waves all over the world.

The ramifications of it are huge and will sooner or later affect us all.  What we do as individuals and organizations and governments will either clean it up or use the experience as a lesson for changing policy and our practices; or not.

Being an American who grew up watching John Wayne tame the West, and later enthusiastically reading Ayn Rand, I understand the appeal of rugged individualism.

But it seems to me that true long term success isn’t obtained in that way.  What we do sends out ripples, affecting other people we may not even be aware of.  And what may seem to be a great idea to one as an individual will have effects for good or ill way down the road.

Most importantly we cannot succeed without the help and support of many other people.  Even the entrepreneur working in her/his home office must have a network of other like-minded and helpful people at their disposal.

Who is on your net?  Do you have a mentor?  A consultant or advisor?  Someone who either is great at looking at the big picture if you’re not?  Someone who is great at organization and details if you’re not?  Have you found a group, small or large, who share your world view and are active in promoting ideas or causes that inspire you?  Who is available to offer you honest feedback when you are going off the rails?  Who can you commiserate with after you’ve failed before you’re ready to get back up and figure out what to do next?  Is your network encouraging you to be the best human you can be?

Make no mistake about it; we do not change either our own lives or the world by working alone.  We need a net both to catch us when we trip, and also to join forces and resources to make the changes that the world so badly needs.

Please leave a comment about how you are building your net, or any ideas that you have.

“Anyone who stops learning is old, whether at twenty or eighty.”    ~Henry Ford~

Have you seen ads for video brain games?  Do you play them?  Millions of people are and they are gaining in popularity as a way to increase IQ and improve the memory.

Seems that until recently there has been little research to back up the effectiveness of them. You might be better off playing Sodoku or cross word puzzles.  New York Times anyone?

That is until a study in the UK was recently released.  A group of more than 8,600 people ages 18-60 were recruited to participate in the study in which their reasoning, memory and other skills were measured before and after they played games for 10 minutes, 3 times per week.

The results were compared to a group of 2,700 people who spent a similar amount of time surfing the Internet and answering general information questions.  There were no significant differences between the groups.

The journal Nature published the study.  The lead author, Adrian Owen, states that if you just want to have fun, it’s fine for that, but don’t expect to have better brain functioning from it.  He says that the game skills have little application to real life brain function for ordinary people.

Of course there is some disagreement with this.  Especially from Steve Aldrich CEO of Posit, the maker of some of the games.  He has published research results which indicate improvement in the memory functioning of elderly subjects.

So what should you do if you want to give your brain a boost?  Exercise is the best bet.  It seems that physical fitness increases the activity between neurons and builds new brain cells.  And so does new learning if it is difficult and challenging. Wouldn’t you know that if you are breezing along enjoying yourself, it isn’t doing much to improve your mind?  Learning a new language, or how to play a musical instrument or a new sport are brain boosters.

Seems that having a better brain, like everything else, takes some effort and hard work.

“If you do not change direction,
you may end up where you are heading.”
~Tao Tzu~

The New York Times ran an article about how marriage affects the state of your health.  Conventional wisdom has said that people who marry tend to live longer and to be healthier than those who don’t.  This is based on the earliest research on the subject which was published in 1858 by British William Farr.

The question has been revisited more recently in studies that look at the more varied nuances of modern life and relationships.  Groups of married couples, couples living together, widowed and divorced and never married people were included.

Generally it seems that the key to relationships and health boil down to how conflicted and stressful it is.  Stress has a bad effect on the immune system.  And the more severe and chronic the level of stress, the worse it is for your health.

What factor seems to boost this stress effect?  Conflict of course.  And the nastier and more personal the conflict, the higher the stress and the longer it takes the body to recover from it.  Couples who can have an argument without personal attacks, and can reach some agreement, show a beneficial effect on their general health.

One study shows that men have a negative reaction to arguments which center around control issues, and that women suffer more from a lack of affection or a feeling of positive regard.  In other words, even during or after an argument, if women perceived that their partner still loved them, they tolerated the stress of the conflict remarkably better than if they didn’t.

The bottom line is that married people do generally live longer and healthier lives than those who never marry or are divorced.  But people who had gotten out of a hostile or cold, conflicted relationship are healthier than those who stay in the marital wars.

If you are married and thus inevitably have conflict, then learn how to fight in a constructive and effective way.  And if you have gotten out of a destructive relationship, then learn what you need to learn about yourself and get over your ex and what happened.  Keeping yourself in a toxic stew of anger, resentment and stress is what is most detrimental to your health.

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/04/18/magazine/18marriage-t.html?pagewanted=1&partner=rss&emc=rss&src=ig

This morning while I was driving to the post office to get my taxes in the mail, I suddenly remembered a comment that Dr. Marshall made when I was in graduate school.  He said that there were taxes that he considered “happy taxes” and that he was glad to pay.

At the time I was a little startled to hear it, and this morning thought of the irony.  Like most people I heard myself grumbling about the effort and expense of meeting my obligation to Uncle Sam.  I admit to some tension with the whole ordeal.

And of course it is hard to miss the resentful comments about taxes on the news and in nearly every political campaign coming from every quarter.  People are paying too much or too little or the money is designated for the wrong thing, or it’s being wasted.  It’s rare to hear anything positive about taxes.

So I asked myself what taxes am I happy to pay?  At the time I was driving down a street that has been torn up for months for major infrastructure work.  During the day it is always one lane driving which means a lot of waiting.  You would think that I could remember more often not to go that way!  I can see they are making progress, and no one would argue that the road doesn’t need a major overhaul.  I’m glad that my taxes are paying for that.

On the same trip I saw the police pull someone over for a traffic violation.  While I’m not happy if that’s me being stopped,  I am happy to pay the taxes so that the police can be there doing what they do.

I wish more of my taxes were going to support the library that I love.  And public radio and television that I listen to frequently.  They have taken a bit hit during this recession.  I’m really glad that my taxes support public education.  Do you realize that we are nearly the only country in the world that has taken on the obligation to educate every child regardless of his/her ability or life circumstance?  An educated populace is essential for a working democracy.

Of course my taxes also help pay for things I wish they didn’t.  And what can I do about that?  Until the IRS gives us a line item designation, nothing.  I do occasionally express my wishes and opinions to my elected representatives.  And I have been known to sign a petition or two.  And although it seems very indirect most of the time, I also express myself in the voting booth.

There are no doubt more things to be happy about supporting.  Thinking of them makes writing the check a little less painful.

Lake in Maine

Last week Supreme Court Justice John Paul Stevens announced that he plans to retire in a few months.  The oldest and longest serving judge in the court, he will turn 90 soon.  Well past the point that most people think about retirement.

The political pundits are speculating about the battle lines that will be forming over the appointment of the justice who will replace Judge Stevens.  No doubt there will be another bruising fight between ideological opponents in the Senate.

But what interests me is that a man who has lived for the better part of a century is just now deciding to retire after working at his profession and serving on the court since 1975.  Never mind the years of work that led up to his appointment by President Gerald Ford.

Every week I hear at least one person, decades younger that Justice Stevens, counting the years or months until they can escape their jobs by retiring.  When I ask what they intend to do next, most of them say they are looking forward to doing nothing.

Usually this is someone who hates work and has a pension they are counting on to support them.  A model from previous generations, I don’t think it’s a very healthy one.  Recent studies support this by indicating that doing nothing is bad for brain health, emotional and social well-being.

In short, living without purpose and meaningful work is not good for you.  Of course going day after day to a job you hate isn’t good for you either, but that’s a topic for another day.

I would suggest that we retire the usual concept of retirement!  Better to consider the nearly endless field of possibilities for making a transition to a new arena of work.  Work that may make use of different interests and skill sets that you have.

Consider developing interests that you haven’t had time for.  Make new social connections; volunteer to teach what you know to others; learn something new.

You will be healthier and happier for it, and will probably live a longer life.