My past weekend was mostly spent coping with my burgeoning cleaning out process. Like many other aspects of life change, things have to get a whole lot worse before they get better. At least that’s what I’m telling myself as encouragement to keep at it.
The furniture and drawers are replaced in the living room, so the space is usable again although it won’t win any prizes in a beautiful design contest. The room is dominated by cardboard boxes, about half of them filled. It looks like I’m moving.
And while I’m not leaving the geographical state, I guess I am moving. It seems that changing one thing creates a chaos effect, and if you don’t clear the old stuff out, you will get stuck. Not only stuck with the objects around you, but also stuck in the thing you most want to change.
Last evening I was channel surfing and came across the show Clean House. If you’ve never seen it, it’s a reality (?) show about people who ask for help in cleaning hoarded messes of their stuff from their houses. Generally I detest reality shows but I found this interesting. I was cleaning out storage bins while I watched. Ironic, huh? Where is the organizer and the designer when you need them, is what I wanted to know?
One of the themes is that a life transition has occurred or needs to occur. In this case, a man had gone through a bitter divorce, not of his choosing. He lived with his grown son in a state of utter chaos. His business had failed and his social life was non-existent. He was still hung up on his past marriage even though they had split years ago.
What caught my interest was that despite his agreement to have this team of people come help him clean up his train wreck, he was still resistant to letting go of any remnant of his past life. He became quite emotional over the seemingly smallest objects in the mountain of stuff that was impossible to walk around, much live with. Objects from his former life.
Lest we be judgmental, let’s look around to see what we are holding onto. And ask ourselves what those objects represent. Letting go of the object doesn’t mean losing the memory of past relationships or experiences. Letting go of books and papers doesn’t mean forgetting what you learned from them.
If you can connect with the emotional meaning that comes up, ask yourself if you can release the emotion. Have you learned what you needed to learn from the experience? Is there something left undone? Do you need to forgive someone (or yourself) or make amends?
I heard someone tell a story of a failed business which was a very painful memory. She had an idea for a new business, and had discussed it with some trusted advisers and was encouraged to go ahead. She had boxed the old brochures and marketing material, kept all her old appointment books as well as the financial records and was keeping them in the hall closet of her home. Every time she opened that door to hang up coats, there were the boxes peeking out from underneath the coats.
She was feeling some pressure to get some income coming in again; she was running through her reserves. The financing was in place for the new venture. She had completed the legal paperwork and since she was going to be working out of her home office, was essentially ready to go. But still she sat, feeling more anxious by the day.
We started with working on the “body in the closet.” The remnants of the old business were haunting her. She agreed step by step to clearing out the papers, saving only those few pieces that she might need for tax purposes. Those she put in a file folder. We discussed what happened with the business and how she felt about it as well as what she thought it meant about her. She felt guilty and ashamed of her “failure,” being pretty sure that her friends and family would think her a fool to ever have a business again!
Instead of being “out of sight, out of mind,” those remnants were a huge roadblock to her forward progress. A lot of fear came up in removing them. What if everyone thought she was an idiot? What if she failed again? That thought really made her anxious! As we worked through her feelings, she was able to validate them and then release them. Soon she was reframing her mindset with a willingness to trust her intentions, entertaining new possibilities for her growth and her life.
New ideas began to occur to her for finding support and help in setting up her new ventures. She began to be energized and excited about steps she was taking to create a new life. And it all began with her willingness, despite her fears, to get rid of those boxes.
