Dealing with the Nitty-Gritty

Posted on September 23, 2011 by JanetEisenbise

“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then,
is not an act, but a habit.” ~Aristotle~

The other day a woman was telling me about her husband, who surprised her by announcing that he was going to clean the house. Not something that he typically does…or ever does, according to her. She had errands to run, and when she returned to the “cleaned” house, she saw that he had pushed everything to the perimeter of the living room and vacuumed the middle of the floor. And he called the job done.

We chuckled about this novel approach to house cleaning, but it occurred to me that it serves as a metaphor for life. And that probably if we care to take a peek into our own dark corners, we will likely find something akin to the husband’s method.

This morning I was looking around the office that I occupy, and when hunting for a file I need, was amazed to find all sorts of things that I jammed into folders thinking I would use it someday. Needless to say, I haven’t. There is a pile of paper in my “in basket” as well as in my “out basket.” (Would someone please remind me of how this organizational tool is supposed to work?) And I have to admit that I am behind in posting financial information that I will need for tax time.

But the middle of the floor is clean!

We do this in the figurative sense as well as the literal. “The devil is in the details,” as the saying goes. Those things you are procrastinating about have a way of piling up. How long have you thought about increasing the vegetables in your diet? Or making an appointment with the dentist? Or taking courage in hand and joining a meeting or group that you think would be interesting? Or meeting with a financial planner? Or having a conversation with someone that you are afraid might be touchy?

You can go on about the daily round of your life (the middle of the floor, so to speak) and not think too much about what you are pushing to the perimeters of your life. But those nitty-gritty details seem to speak to us. Sometimes in dream time, and sometimes in vague mounting anxiety or dread. Or sometimes someone else will bring it up, or a deadline is looming and you know it’s time to pay the piper.

Know this: some sort of resistance is at work here. And we all have to contend with our resistance. Perhaps it is an outdated negative belief that you hold. Perhaps it may be some shame or embarrassment that you haven’t tended to it before this. Or maybe the energy required to overcome inertia seems too much.

When you face it squarely and ask yourself what is up with this? (and take the time to listen to the answers) you will discover the root of your resistance. And when you do that, you are on the way to rooting it out and overcoming it. Use your journal to clarify your insight. Use Meridian Tapping or EFT to resolve and release the emotion and limiting belief that is stopping you.

You really don’t have to limit your success or happiness by hanging onto the burdens of negative belief. Affirm the kind of human being you want to be; clarify your intentions and then with courage take the baby steps every day to love your life fully.

Sorting Lead From Gold

Posted on September 16, 2011 by JanetEisenbise

“And now here is my secret, a very simple secret: It is only
with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential
is invisible to the eye.”
~Antoine de Sainte-Exupery~

Fall is around the corner and wherever you live, you are probably aware of the changes that are underway. Most of us in the developed world, ever more engaged in technology, may live in ways that seem disconnected from nature. But of course we are not.

After all we are animals, and our lives are just as dependent and intertwined with the natural world as the migrating birds, butterflies and squirrels. The trees outside my window are beginning to drop their leaves, even though just a few of the outer branches have begun to change color. They have served their purpose for the growing season, and are no longer needed.

There’s a clue in that for us I think. Our lives have seasons of development and growth, as well as periods of rest and renewal. What is valuable, necessary and useful in one season is not in another. There are parallels in human life to those leaves which once were green, verdant and vital but then turn color and are dropped to the ground.

We may be tempted to hang onto them out of sentiment or not notice that they are no longer useful to us. Sometimes we are oblivious to what is going on right under our very noses! Or inside our minds and hearts, for that matter. Practicing mindfulness will tune you in to the immediacy of your state of mind and how your body feels as well as what is going on around you.

When you do, you can ask yourself what is valuable to you right now and what is not. It is important to ask yourself questions about what you want in your life and what kind of human being you intend to be. After all we are always in the process of Becoming, as Carl Rogers, humanistic psychologist, put it. And what was gold in your life 10 or 20 years ago might have turned to lead today.

Be discerning. That is what the energy of fall is all about. Assessing and clearing out is essential to the seasons of growth ahead. And what we are shedding and discarding may take on new usefulness and form, just as it does in nature. The dropped leaves become fertilizer for the plants and the tree’s growth in seasons to come. The dropped acorns feed animals and become the seed of new generations of trees.

If the lead in your life is in the form of an old negative pattern of thought and behavior, it is possible to release and replace it. You may quit making excuses for it and enjoy the gold of new patterns that will move you ahead in the life you desire. If it takes the form of old clothing, papers, books or other possessions, you can donate or recycle them and others will benefit too.

As you proceed in your sorting, discarding and organizing, you will notice a renewed energy within you. You will open up some space for being, thinking and creating. New inspiration will come as well as new insight. It’s okay to miss what is missing, although I doubt that you will grieve long. You may feel the need for rest and renewal (just as nature does) while you appreciate the beauty and tune into the messages of what new gold your life requires.

Clearing Out For Life Success

Posted on September 14, 2011 by JanetEisenbise

Do you consider yourself to be a student of life success? Whether you have thought of yourself in exactly those terms, I suspect you are or you likely wouldn’t be reading this. And if you are not yet training for success, I suggest you get started right away.

In clearing out files and shelves in my office, I came across some coaching material that I used several years ago. As I read through it along with my notes, I felt some enthusiasm for an early step in developing life success strategies. And that is to clear out the obstacles that are in your path, as well as remnants of the past and those things that clutter both your living space and your mind.

Let’s suppose that you have done some preliminary work of determining for yourself exactly what success would look like, feel like, be like in your own life. That such a definition should fit you perfectly is vitally important. How you define success will not be the same for your father or mother, your best friend, People Magazine or Donald Trump. You need to come up with your own very clear picture or list.

Let’s further suppose that you have made an assessment of what you need in order to proceed. You need to pack your own parachute, to borrow a phrase from the 1970’s. Do you need to take a course in order to be prepared? Are you in need of some research? You need to know at least what your starting point will be and what you are going to need. You may even be able to see what the first few steps will be.

Very soon you will encounter some resistance within yourself that may come up in the form of excuses, or fear that you will fail (or succeed!) Or you may be puzzled or frustrated by your procrastination. Or you may discover that some old unfinished business really has to be completed before you can proceed.

This clearing out can take many forms. So consider how to declutter the following:

Unfinished projects, both large and small. If there is something laying around (or stuffed into a closet) that is your last great idea, either finish it now, delegate it to someone else who will enjoy doing it and be good at it, or pitch it out. Even if it was a great idea, it has no value and will hamper your progress laying there as a reminder of what you didn’t get done.
Items that you have not used during the past 6 months. If these things have value to someone else you can sell them or donate them or give them to someone you know will appreciate them. If not, pitch them out.
Is there some physical checkup that you have not had done? Is there a follow-up that you didn’t tend to? Have you been to the dentist lately? Were you intending to make some dietary change that you have avoided? Do you need to make an appointment with a trainer in order to meet an old fitness goal? Or is it time to finally call the acupuncturist for help with your back pain? Now is the time to put those routines or checks in place.
Do you have some untended relationship to care for? How about that person you have said “Let’s get together for dinner sometime?” Now is the time. What about the thank you note you haven’t written? Don’t worry…there is no statute of limitation on gratitude. Is there some conflict that you walked away from that really needs to be addressed? Do you need to make amends for something you said or did or neglected?
Is there someone that you need to forgive? Perhaps even yourself? Have you wasted time and energy looking into the rear view mirror feeling resentful and victimized? Unresolved grief, anger and resentment form the heaviest rocks that you carry in your backpack. For your own health, you must unload them! Forgiveness is something that we do for our own sake, and if you don’t do this work, you really won’t get very far with your new life intentions. Get help if you need it.
A financial inventory will tell you if there is anything that needs to be cleared up here. Those who practice abundance principles say, “Money is energy.” Really in quantum terms, everything is energy in some form or other. Is your money/energy in short supply? Do you owe anyone money? Have you accumulated debt? Do you know where your money is going every month (aka budget)? Do you have a plan for your money (aka budget)? Do you contribute money to causes you care about? Are you saving money? Are you investing it?

Does your self image match up with your picture of a successful life? A quick inventory of beliefs that you learned from your “tribe,” especially as it pertains to your goals, may reveal some conflicts. The person, whose life success strategies include starting his own business in mid-life, will have some contrary beliefs if he grew up in a family that valued “security” by working for the same company for 30 years.

As you can see, there are many types of unused or unfinished things that clutter our lives. From the physical objects that are collecting dust in your rooms, to unfinished or outdated emotional business that distracts and preoccupies you, we must tend to clearing them away as we proceed. You would be correct in thinking that this work is not once and done. You will come back to it repeatedly just as surely as your kitchen or bathroom needs to be cleaned periodically. The important thing is to assess what needs to be tended to, and to begin at once. Don’t delay. Your successful life depends on it!

maine coastline

Chaos to Order

Posted on May 13, 2011 by JanetEisenbise

Lord knows I am no mathematician. But there is something called chaos theory that has always seemed attractive to me. If you look it up, you will see that chaos theory is about finding the underlying order in apparently random data. And although I can’t begin to understand the math involved, my fantasy is that it really explains how my sometimes neatly organized desk can seem to become a quagmire in no time flat.

Have you ever noticed how your closets (or living room or check book or projects or life) can be in order one day and the next seem to be an impossible mess? It’s chaos theory at work. Have you noticed that this usually matches your state of mind?

That’s why getting your work and the other facets of your life in order is essential to being productive.

A client was telling me yesterday that after hiring an organizer to help her de-clutter and organize her house, that she was feeling terrified that she was going to turn it into a shambles again. Yep, that would be chaos lurking around the corner waiting for her to let her guard down.

And when the order starts to inevitably unravel, what can you do about it?” I asked her. After all, you do have to live in your house (or use your desk, write in your check book, start new projects, etc.) and the day will come when you are in too big of a hurry, or feel too tired or preoccupied with something else to attend to cleaning it all up again right away.

Whether you catch the chaos early in the game or whether you allow it to fully “blossom,” here are my suggestions for coping and taming it again:

Designate a specific time to complete small organizational chores. A simple illustration is making your bed every morning after you get out of it. A client I am working with has a few hours at the end of the week which she uses for paying bills and entering the data on a spreadsheet that she uses to track her budget and spending.
Look for tools that will help you keep order. Get a filing cabinet and get in the habit of immediately filing papers that you need to keep. Every year go through it a purge papers that have outlived their usefulness. Learn to use computer files by using tutorials if you need them. Back up those files, and also purge them from time to time if they become obsolete.
Recently I found a great system called ARC at Staples for about $5, which I am using to keep track of my numerous business projects. This is not a calendar or scheduler, although you can enter pertinent dates in it. I can add and pull out papers for each project from the folder. It will replace all those notes to myself that are all over the place and frustrate the daylights out of me when I can’t find them when I need them.
And as I have mentioned in previous posts, performing a big purge of closets, drawers, etc may be the greatest boon to creating order. For some reason we often do a big clean-out in spring or fall, but anytime the ragged edges of chaos are closing in on you is a good time. Hauling things to recycle, dump or donate will give you space to breathe and to think clearly.
Give yourself time to reflect and to plan. Try beginning your day with 15 or 30 minutes with silence and journal writing. Tune into your mind, heart and spirit and see what state you are in and what you might need. At the end of the day take another 15 minutes to plan for the next day. Write down your objectives, carrying over any that you didn’t get finished from the day that is ending. Try not to be rigid and perfectionistic with this process. You can experiment with the amount of detail you use.
Every month or so, check out the bigger picture and ask if what you are doing are small steps to bigger goals that you have set. Hopefully they are. Revisit this question periodically and make adjustments.

You will notice that there are big gains to be made in putting your life in order. As you practice these steps, you will be less stressed, more clear in your thinking and much more productive.

New Beginnings

Posted on April 22, 2011 by JanetEisenbise

Happy Earth Day and Happy Easter, if you celebrate it. Both are occurring this weekend. And a friend pointed out to me that both Orthodox and non-Orthodox Easters are occurring on the same date this year. I noticed at the farmer’s market this morning that shoppers were stocking up for their celebration feasts.

It’s impossible not to feel the stirring of life and of new possibilities during this season. Around here, we have very cool temperatures and rain… again. We have had no shortage of April showers. But the trees are budding and the flowering trees are looking like girls in their prom dresses. The tulips are jaunty and the daffodils brilliant at the edge of the woods. The earth seems to be waking up, and forgiving the assault of winter.

What are you doing as you feel the stirrings of new possibilities? Is there an area of your life calling for a new beginning? Perhaps a relationship could use an investment of your time and attention. Maybe some old emotional baggage that it’s time to unload. Or a new venture whose time has come (even though you may be feeling a little scared about it). If you look around you, it may be time to haul out a ton of clutter. Or if you look within, perhaps some limiting beliefs that are stopping you from a beginning you desire.

Whatever it may be, I wish you the best. Honor Mother Earth and if it is your tradition, Happy Easter.

The Art of Pruning

Posted on March 23, 2011 by JanetEisenbise

Spring has arrived, and in my neck of the woods one should not be confused and expect June weather. Instead it is raw, overcast and promising a day of rain. I heard sleet against the window during the night. The robins seem undaunted by it, although every year I wonder if they might be rushing things when they start staking out their territories on the lawn and begin fighting their fake wars.

In the 5 Element tradition of Chinese medicine, Spring is the season of wood energy. And it seems that nature is gathering her forces, waking up from the depths of winter and starting to push forward and upward with mighty power. If you look carefully you can see evidence of it everywhere. And you might even be able to feel it within yourself.

This also means that it is time to prune. Gardeners are sharpening their saws and shears in order to cut away the winter damaged branches, the dead and useless. Also the excess branches from last summer’s lush growth needs to be pruned back in order to make room for new growth.

The grape vines look very spare and suddenly naked. And the fruit trees are surrounded by a pile of brush that, once removed, leaves them looking like a lean and spare version of themselves. Until you learn the wisdom of it, pruning is a hard thing to do. It seems a little brutal. Will you cut too much and ruin the coming summer’s fruit? Will you kill the vine?

But if you don’t cut enough, the crop will be spotty and scant at best. Too much wood blocks out the sun from the leaves and crowds the fruit so that it doesn’t have room and light and air in order to develop and ripen. Your misplaced kindness and hesitation will stunt the growth.

And so it is with ourselves. As we prepare to enter the great season of growth, what do you need to prune away? What do you have or do that no longer serves your life purpose? You can likely see some branches that need to be cut away. What is diverting your attention? What is weighing you down? How are you wasting your precious time? What is tripping you up? Or dulling your senses?

Don’t be afraid. Take heart and know that your pruning will result in more vigorous growth and eventually your life will bear the fruit that you desire and are fully capable of having.

Clutter Free Living

Posted on February 21, 2011 by JanetEisenbise

Over the weekend I was thinking that if I ever needed a picture to illustrate the old adage, “Out of sight, out of mind,” that my hall closet would provide the ideal setting. In continuing with the challenge to clear out clutter from my house and my life, I took on that closet.

Other than one end of it, where I keep the jackets that I wear pretty frequently, a good bit of it stays closeted and out of sight. When I opened it up, it looked neat enough for the most part. The system that I used to organize it two years ago works pretty well.

But taking all the clothing out and putting it on the futon made quite a pile! And as I began sorting, most of it went into the “Donate” bags because it has been a long time since I wore it. If I could just be rational and practical, it wouldn’t be too tough a job.

But no, sentiment creeps in and muddies the waters. The outfit I wore to my daughter’s wedding (all that agonizing over finding the right color, fabric and style!) and then the one for my son’s wedding. (Less pressure you know…Mother of the Groom, a little lighter). The dress jacket I wore to my Dad’s funeral. None of these garments have I worn since the memorable occasions that warranted them.

And then the other “perfectly good” clothing that I purchased, thinking it was a good idea. Then later deciding that it definitely was not. Or stuff that I wore a lot at the time but haven’t recently. No problem with sentiment here.

But what on earth do I do with those boxes of photos that I actually did sort and placed in see-through containers on the upper shelf? I sure don’t look at them up there. The feng shui experts (of which I am not one) advise not keeping pictures because those times are gone. But this seems a brutal and cold-hearted practice somehow.

I tell myself that I will one day put them in albums. Which then I would no doubt put up on the same closet shelf and looked at on only rare occasions. Maybe I can divide them and give them to my children and let them worry about keeping them or not. But isn’t that a way for them to inherit the clutter problem?

For the time being I decide to set the photo boxes aside. At least they are clean and safe and organized.

Deeper in the closet is my cello. It is a beautiful and valuable thing that has great sentimental value to me. I love it, frankly. And I also have not played it in longer than I care to tell you. It needs a repair that will be pretty expensive, and it’s time to rehair the bow.

An important part of my past, and at one time a big part of my identity, the cello has been abandoned to the closet. A friend has urged me to play it again…to bring it to a group that he plays guitar with and to improvise in creating music together. Sounds like a lovely idea, but a rather terrifying one too. Is this clutter from the past or an opportunity? A relic that should be sold or given away, or a new possibility?

By comparison the clothing questions are easily resolved. Anything that I haven’t worn in the past year is going to donate. I don’t need clothing to remember the joy of my children’s weddings or my father. Almost all of it will be useful to someone else. The miscellaneous stuff on the floor is going to the trash, and the few blankets and pillows on the upper shelf will get cleaned and put back in place for when company needs them.

The cello I placed out in the living room, propped up in the corner where I can see it. I will take it out of its case, see how it has fared in the closet and make an appointment to have it repaired. I’m not sure what to do with it. If I were a de-cluttering purist, I would have it appraised and sold. But I’m not.

Cleaning out, organizing your living space and feathering your nest (as a friend of mine called it tonight) is an ongoing process. Deciding what you value, finding what objects express who you are and discarding the rest is a process that goes on, just as living does.

It makes sense to me that those decisions are sometimes ambiguous, and that remembering to ask what we value is perhaps as important as coming up with the answers.