For those who are in the Baby Boomer generation, there are a lot of reminders that life can change on a dime. Our parents can have sudden health challenges that require our assistance. And our peer group, spouses and friends are of an age when that is occurring more frequently than it used to.
For the one having a health crisis, sometimes the changes are breathtaking to say the least. For instance I have a colleague who suddenly lost his hearing. Not a good thing for someone who listens for a living.
You may have a parent whose abilities are compromised by a stroke, surgery or possibly a fall, and they are at least partially dependent on help to see them through the day. And so if you are the one to be the caregiver, your life will change on a dime too.
This change can be overwhelming, and even though you may be willing to offer care, your own self care needs to be seriously considered. How will you manage caregiving your relative or friend and still take care of everything you already do?
First identify roles that need to be filled to carry out the tasks to be done. I would say that there needs to be a sort of “general contractor,” or “case manager,” the person who oversees and coordinates the jobs that need to be done. If the person who is sick is capable of doing this her/himself, then allow her to or assist by asking questions and taking notes. Begin to shape a plan, and keep the calendar, pencil and eraser on hand.
Some tasks that will need to be done may include medical exams and treatments, driving to appointments, preparing and serving meals, grocery shopping, pet care. cleaning and laundry and personal care. Possibly some in-home accommodations will need to be made. Or arrangements for physical therapy or home health care. They may also need visitors or some other kind of social interaction if they are able to be out and about.
Get some help, whether it is through the doctor’s office or Area Agency on Aging. Possibly health insurance or long term health insurance may be used to line up professional help in the home. Ask for names and contact information for people in the social network who may be willing to do some instrumental help or even just visit or send cards. Staying in touch with the outside world is essential for the mind and spirit.
Define your own role and make sure that you have support from your own network of friends and family members. Take time to pursue your own interests and take time off. If you are having to drop activities while you give care, remember to periodically check in with others in that group. Through email, social networking or phone calls, see what is going on so that when you are able to resume, you will be able to slip back in.
Don’t feel guilty about venting your emotions over caregiving. Anyone who has experience with this will know how frustrating, lonely and overwhelming it can be. These emotions can be compounded with guilt, as if you should not be feeling sad or angry or overwhelmed in caring for the person you love. I would say those feelings are not only natural but unavoidable. After all, this is your life which has been turned upside down too! Talking with others in the trenches helps.
As you talk about it with others, you will also get suggestions for resources, ideas for coping and recommendations for services and medical care that you would never have otherwise thought of. Keeping in touch with your own social group will pay off in maintaining your own health as you avoid social isolation.