Can Hypnosis Help My Self Esteem?

Posted on February 17, 2012 by JanetEisenbise

“No amount of self improvement can make up for a lack of self-acceptance”
~Robert Holden~

Self esteem has been called the psychological “Magic X-Factor.” Why is that? No doubt because the self image we hold in our minds forms the bedrock for almost everything we think and how we feel and behave in all areas of life. This powerful element begins to be formed at a very early age and continues to be affected and shaped by the experiences we have throughout our lifespan.

Self-esteem is one of the most important aspects influencing your performance and success in many areas of life. It can help you get a job (and keep on getting promotions!). It can help you make friends and get dates. And people with high self-esteem generally feel happier, healthier, and more stable and secure.

Don Hamachek is a highly respected author and researcher in the field of psychology. He’s had a big influence on studies of self-esteem and interpersonal relationships. His research was published in Encounters with Others (New York: Holt, Rinehart, & Wilson, 1982). Here are some of his and other’s findings on the importance of self-esteem:

People with high self-esteem . . .
* Usually see other people in a better light, too.
* Expect other people to like and accept them.
* Perform better in high pressure situations, and do better work when the standards are high.
* Feel confident and secure enough to shrug off negative comments from others.
* Put good self care on their schedule. Don’t feel “selfish” when they take time for vacation, go to the gym, relax or take a nap.
* Allow themselves to have fun and tend to enjoy their work.
*Are willing to take risks in making changes that will bring them to a higher level of work or relationships.
*Tend to be accepting of themselves without expecting perfection.

On the other hand, people with low self-esteem . . .
* Frequently dislike others.
* Expect that other people will dislike and reject them.
* Have trouble performing under pressure, and find it hard to work in demanding environments.
* Are more vulnerable to negative comments and reactions from others.
* Can’t remember when they last had fun, and if you ask them what fun is, they can’t tell you.
* Often put caring for themselves last on their list. Taking care of kids, spouse, friends or job almost always takes precedence.
* Are more likely to feel unhappy and dissatisfied or victimized at work and in relationships, yet are very reluctant or resistant to changing anything.
* Tend to be very critical of themselves.

These tendencies can spill over into all areas of a person’s life, with big consequences. That’s why self-esteem is the critical factor – it’s one of those make-or-break variables that has the power to transform your life, for good or bad. High self-esteem is a little like a magic spell that works in any number of situations.

If you’re struggling in any area of your life, whether personal or professional, it’s possible that your problems are just symptoms of a bigger problem: low self-esteem. Find a way to improve your self-esteem, and you can expect things to start improving in lots of ways.

Is hypnosis therapy a useful tool in improving your self esteem? Yes, it has been shown to be so. Clinical hypnosis is now recognized by the medical profession to be an effective treatment modality. It is safe when you are following the suggestions of a certified professional, because really all hypnosis is self hypnosis. It is an intense focus of your mind, and you are not going to do anything that would be contrary to your own beliefs and standards. No one can make you do anything against your will.

There are many great applications of hypnosis that are available for helping you improve your health, alter bad habits, eliminate anxiety, and improve your self esteem. If you have been frustrated in the past, I urge you to explore the hypnosis options for resolving those “sticky wickets” that may be plaguing you!

Core Inner Strength, a hypnosis program developed by Dr. Shirley McNeal, is a fun and easy way to improve your self-esteem. In just four hypnotic sessions, you will discover the life-changing secrets behind experiencing comfort and safety in yourself, raising your self-esteem and self-confidence, and finding your inner strength.

To learn more about Dr. McNeals’s program, click here:http://www.hypnosisnetwork.com/hypnosis/self_esteem.php

Adding Value to Life

Posted on January 16, 2012 by JanetEisenbise

The other day someone told me a story about her son, a young adult who was working at a job he was not so crazy about. After graduating from college, he has been unable to land a position in the field for which he prepared. So the job he has is paying the bills, but not as well as he hoped, and he is angry and resentful about it. And he’s complaining a lot.

Of course anyone who listens to the news or talks to their neighbors knows this is unfortunately a common story. Some may even comment that this young man is lucky to have a job at all. No doubt he has already heard that, and I doubt that it cheered him up much.

It made me wonder if he might identify with another young man, whom we’ll call Tim, who was serving tables at a restaurant where a friend and I were eating dinner a couple of weeks ago. It is an upscale place, nice atmosphere, varied menu and good food. What seemed a little discordant was the server’s manner and attitude. Not exactly rude, but too casual and unconcerned. His service was like that too, and it took several requests to get what we wanted and needed. He was slow, and we waited for some time for our coffee refills and checks at the end of the meal.

Luckily, we were enjoying our conversation, so were somewhat distracted. It seemed obvious to me that he was unhappy about his job. I know from personal experiences of my own that waiting tables is hard work, and putting up with some customers makes it difficult at times. I would never leave without tipping because of that, but I can assure you that Tim would have made out a lot better had he added value to our dining experience instead of taking away from it.

Contrast this with another person, a woman who was laid off from her professional job due to funding cut-backs. After weeks of looking, she was able to find a job with a local florist. She liked the company and the people she worked with, but the pay was considerably less than she had been earning. She had to cut back on expenses to make ends meet. She could be upset and complaining about this, but she isn’t.

Instead she is investing her energy and attention in this job, not just showing up and putting in her time. She isn’t treating it like a sort of temporary gig that she is just getting through until something better comes along. She is attentive and eager to learn the new skills in caring for flowers and arranging them. On her own time she looked up more information that added value to her work and to her employer’s business.

She had some ideas about the business end from her past professional experiences, and her boss was happy and appreciative of those ideas and implemented them. I have been impressed with her optimism and cheerfulness as she deals with customers and co-workers. I think that her customers will not only be happy to pay for the arrangements she produces, but will probably tell their friends what a great place that shop is.

When you have a great customer service experience, don’t you recommend that place to your friends? I know I do. And I feel happy about sending them more business.

When you go to work, either paid or volunteer, do you add value to the experiences of other people? When you interact, do you invest your attention and energies to the situation at hand? There are at least three good reasons to do that.

You will be of much greater service to others. Your employer or the organization is going to profit from your focus and positive work ethic. Even if it is not the ultimate goal of your lifetime, it will more likely lead to recognition, good networking and eventually a next step in the right direction for your life.
You are going to benefit because a positive attitude is energizing and promotes good mental and physical health. When you are going out of your way to learn new things, perform more efficiently and support and help others, you are much happier in general. Moving forward is so much easier in this way than when you are resentful or fearful that you aren’t doing what you hoped you would be.
We tend to attract the same qualities that we are “putting out there.” So if you are feeling negative, you convey that to everyone around you whether you try to cover it up or not. Your unconscious mind is communicating with every other unconscious mind around you, and the results or feedback (or paycheck or tip) that you get reflects it. If people are giving you wide berth, you might ask yourself why and listen for an honest answer.

When it comes down to it, today is the day that you have. No matter if you were guaranteed to live to 100, all you really have to work with is the moment you are in. Living in the past, or wishing for the future will not help you live the life of your dreams. If you are waiting around for things to get better, stop it now! No matter what your situation is, you have the power to add value to others and yourself by waking up to the possibilities, taking action and doing whatever you can to make your little part of the world a better place. I urge you to do so.

Slaying the Perfection Dragon

Posted on October 21, 2011 by JanetEisenbise

There’s no doubt in my mind that the greatest enemy of good self esteem is perfectionism. And it’s also the greatest enemy of your peace of mind.

It doesn’t take much rational thought to see why this is true. What on earth can you see in your daily life that is perfect? Certainly human beings, as much as we may love them, are never perfect. And so neither are our relationships. And any undertaking we make may be excellent, but never perfect.

Elaine told me that her mother admired tall, thin, blonde girls. She was frequently pointing out one or another girl in Elaine’s class or on the streets of their town, telling Elaine how pretty that girl looked. It wasn’t lost on Elaine that she was athletic, short and stocky with dark brown hair and brown eyes. Quite different than the “perfect picture” that her mother lifted up as the ideal. Clearly, Elaine was never going to make that team!

We get these ideal images from our parents, and also are inundated with them every time we open a magazine, turn on the television or watch a movie. Our bodies, our clothing, our relationships, our jobs, cars and homes are all held up in comparison with perfection. Even our children “should” be in the right sports, schools and activities in order to reach some mythical perfect standards.

For quite a few years I was an ardent fan of a famous Domestic Diva, and bought her magazines, cook books, and watched her television program when I could catch it. I was smitten with the perfect pictures of food, crafts and rooms with their soothing, trademark colors. As her queendom grew, so did the number of her homes (how many homes can one person live in?), the elegant meals and complicated deserts. It occurred to me that these pictures of perfection were only made possible by the work of a gigantic cadre of minions who designed and executed the perfect gardens, recipes and craft projects.

A capable cook (if I do say so myself) I could slave over holiday meals or special deserts captured in the perfect pictures. But what about setting the perfect table with handmade decorations? Well, maybe if I started the month before (which I almost never did). And then what about the perfect room that my guests would eat that meal in? When it came down to it, I was pressed to have everything picked up and cleaned in time. Alas, I am a woman without even one minion to do my bidding.

As I was falling out of love with the Diva, I started to cringe when I heard her use the word, “Perfect!” on the episode I was watching. This was occurring at the same time I was becoming aware that I lived with the dragon Perfectionism myself. And what a misery it is!

You may notice that whatever picture you have in your mind about the perfect body, clothes, job, spouse, meal, etc., that it makes a moving target. There is nothing that escapes the beady eyes of your inner critic! Listen to your inner voice if you don’t believe me. Or listen to how you accept a compliment. You may sweat over finding the perfect dress for that dinner party; spend hours getting yourself put together. And when the first person compliments you, you say something like,

“Thanks but… (insert) I need to lose a few pounds, I was worried that it was too short or too long, I’m not sure it’s my color, or I’m afraid it makes my butt look too big.”

Picking out what doesn’t measure up to that picture of perfection is a great way to undermine self esteem. Struggling to reach some impossible standard is guaranteed to lower your self confidence!

Instead of being the Perfect Mom, could you be a Good Enough Mom? Meaning you can rear a child that is healthy, happy and grows up to be a contributing member of society. Yes, s/he will be another imperfect human. Instead of struggling to be the Perfect Cook/ Home Maker/ Professional What-ever/ Spouse, could you be Good Enough?

Knowing that you are a growing, developing, learning human who enjoys success and learns from failure (and yes, endures it because no one thinks it is fun!) you might loosen up enough to have fun, live in the moment, experiment (more fun), be curious and actually enjoy your life. The pictures may inspire us, but leave it at that. Use them for ideas, admire their beauty, and remember that that is all they do.

Most of all look for the beauty in your own rooms, or your own table in the meal that you serve. Enjoy the charm, warmth and uniqueness of the relationships that are a part of your life. And most of all, feel gratitude and appreciation for you…the lovable human being that you are.

We the Creators Dream

Posted on October 17, 2011 by JanetEisenbise

One night I awoke from a strange dream in which I was supposed to be constructing clothing for a fashion show. Mady, an artist and close friend of my daughter’s, was with me. I kept trying different fabrics and trim, but never got anything finished. I was still mixing and matching fabric pieces when I became aware that other people had finished, and models were wearing their clothes on the runway.

Since fashion is pretty far afield from my daily work and routine, I was wondering what on earth that was all about!

Influenced by Jung and Jeremy Taylor (When People Fly and Water Runs Uphill) I have found that dreams are really useful in peeking beneath the conscious layer of our daily life to see what might be going on at a deeper level.

Of course we have all kinds of conscious thoughts about what we need and want. Attaining those things is often not so easy. And one of the big complicating factors is that those needs that we are aware of are often in conflict with our unconscious beliefs. Dreams often point the way to some clarity about that. And since our dreams arrive in “movie” form, images speak much more frequently than words.

Pay attention to the emotions that are most pronounced after you awaken from the dream. You may see some reference to the dream from your daily life. For example, you dream about training a dog and getting ready to pass a test in your dog training class, and in your waking life, you have been thinking about getting a dog. Look a little deeper, and ask what that image or person represents in you.

What is the “dog” part of you? What associations do you have with dogs that may reflect some aspect of you? What is the “trainer” part of you? How does the “training class” represent some part of you? Is there some conflict in your life that is reflected in the dream?

Everyone will have personal references to the images in their dreams. There are some useful books about universal symbols that can be helpful, but always go with what is most meaningful and resonates with you. Don’t ever allow anyone to tell you what your dream means. They may have their own projections, but they need to limit comments to what the dream would mean to them if it were theirs.

Taylor, as well as C. Jung, also state that dreams always come in the interest of our health and healing (even when they are scary or weird). We can look for messages regarding our physical bodies, our spirits, relationships and the social or cultural order in general. In this day of environmental concerns, there are no doubt messages about the earth itself.

As for my dream about the fashion designing, my preliminary thoughts are that it has a message about my creative life, which I must say has been lying fallow to some extent. It also says something about needing to finish something! (I shudder to think about numerous unfinished creative projects that literally are in pieces and stashed away out of sight in the closet as well as the computer files)!

In real life, Mady is a woman who is highly creative and productive! I am frequently impressed by her keen eye, imagination and the amount of projects she gets done. So my “inner Mady” is my Creative, who works hard and efficiently and gets projects finished. One of the messages of the dream appears to be that I need to get on the stick!

The dream reminds me that we are created to be creators. Conceiving the idea or being inspired is essential of course. But if we don’t take the little steps to implement them, our creations will never see the light of day, and the creative process that is so enlivening and enriching is stunted. The poems molder in the attic, and the half painted canvases collect dust. The world is the poorer for it, and so are we.

“Dreams are postcards from our subconscious inner self to outer self, right brain trying to cross that moat to the left. Too often they come back, unread: ‘return to sender, addressee unknown.’ That’s a shame because it’s a whole other world there – or in here depending on your point of view.”
~Dennis Koenig and Jordan Budde~

How To Build Self Confidence

Posted on July 25, 2011 by JanetEisenbise

“Every adversity, every failure and every heart ache carries with it the seed
of an equivalent or a greater benefit.” ~Napoleon Hill~

A man we will call James was feeling really frustrated in getting a new business off the ground. His wife was frustrated too, and was applying some pressure for James to give up the notion of being his own boss and to get a job that would pay the bills. She had been listening to his dreams of his business and was about at the point of telling him his ideas were pie-in-the-sky and to get over it.

He knew what was required to succeed; he certainly had the expertise. Having worked in the same field for 15 years more than qualified him in terms of knowledge and experience. He had arranged for financing and had the money he had been saving for just this purpose. But now he was paying money out as overhead, and nothing was coming in.

The only job he had ever gotten fired from had been one of the first ones he had. When he was in college, he was hired by a home painting contractor to go door to door soliciting business. After an enthusiastic start, James very quickly felt deflated by the doors slammed in his face! After a couple of weeks of only one lead, the contractor told him he obviously wasn’t cut out for business and that he was fired.

Now here he was, all these years later and he still felt humiliated every time he thought of it. He told himself that now he would tell that guy a thing or two, but he was still afraid that what he had heard was true.

James knew that the first essential steps included getting some business owners to sign up for his services. Every night before going to bed he looked over the list of potential customers and planned to get out and introduce himself. And every morning something else of an “urgent” nature came up that he did instead. As the pressure mounted, the less likely he seemed to contact potential customers.

Let’s check in with James six months later. He is attending a luncheon meeting of Rotary and has introduced himself, telling the audience about himself and the business that he owns. He has practiced this brief but informative little speech, and notices that people are listening attentively and smiling as he makes eye contact.

By now he has a good number of customers who are happy with his services, and many of the referrals that he gets every week are from these pleased customers. He read some comments and reviews on his business website that are great testimonials that he can use in marketing his business.

Best of all, he is meeting his income goals every month, and is contributing again to the household account. His wife is relieved and is expressing support for James to continue growing his business. In the evenings, when James makes his work plans for the next day, he feels confident that he will achieve the steps he has outlined to reach his goals.

So you might well ask what happened. How did James achieve his goals? How did he build self confidence and succeed? And more to the point, how can you overcome your failures from the past and build self confidence yourself?

Begin by becoming aware of limiting beliefs that have come from past experiences or failures. This may take some uncovering because it is natural to defend against feeling or recognizing them. A journal can be a helpful tool.
How are those beliefs showing up in your life? What would be be, have or do if you weren’t encumbered with them? How are you stopping yourself from success?
If you have trouble getting clear about either of the above, ask for feedback from someone you trust. Sometimes others can see self defeating patterns in us more clearly than we do. If you don’t trust anyone with this, find a therapist or counselor who can help you.
Learn EFT or Meridian Tapping to work through the emotional beliefs that are stopping you. Hypnosis has also been proven to be a really effective approach to building self esteem and self confidence.
Set goals that will be a stretch, and yet are reasonably achievable. Make sure they are specific, measurable and have a time limit. Then plan small steps to do every day that will move you toward the goal. Self confidence comes from taking action, and appreciating yourself for that action. Don’t wait for others to see it; reward yourself!
Avoid being perfectionistic. You must allow for mistakes because they are valuable for correcting your course and learning what you need to learn. Yes, that is uncomfortable, yet inevitable. So make your peace with it and move on. If you can’t value and allow for mistakes, then you will become stuck and frozen again…getting nowhere.

Most of all, pay attention. Observe yourself and when you recognize a practice that works, then repeat it. As you are able to appreciate yourself you will see your self confidence soar.

Success and Independence

Posted on July 3, 2011 by JanetEisenbise

For those of you who live in the US, this is Independence Day. Time for leaving work behind, hanging out with friends and family, picnics and fireworks and maybe even a parade. For those who reside in Canada, Independence Day was celebrated on July 1, the first holiday of summer.

Although we celebrate the end of dominance by a foreign power, I think we might also think of what we need to be free of on a personal level. Rather than being threatened by something or someone on the outside, for most of us the greater threat comes from within.

You know what I mean. I’m talking about habits or attitudes that aren’t serving you well. Time wasters such as television watching or addictive patterns that threaten your health and burn up time and money. Or maybe you are having relationship problems that are hurtful or sapping your energy. It might be a general pessimistic attitude or depression that has you stuck and frustrated. And sometimes it’s a physical dis-ease that is slowing you down. Even more often, you may have some deep beliefs that what you want isn’t possible, or that you don’t deserve it, or that people in your family just don’t have money/love/success. And sometimes it’s the disbelief and negative opinions of others that you are buying into, that is in your way.

Any of these are obstacles to your personal progress and happiness. And the end results of what all of us want is peace of mind and happiness isn’t it? There is no limit to the ways we might take to get there, but we all have that in common.

You may get hung up on the idea that having the perfect partner, or the latest fashions, or the best car or house or income will be the magic key that fits into the lock to human happiness. Lord knows that we are inundated with advertizing messages that give us that message. But really, your deeper sense knows it isn’t so.

Help is at hand, and you must be willing to admit that you need help and then invest the time, money and energy in accepting it. Dreaming is essential; after all if the Wright brothers hadn’t imagined themselves in flight, the triumph at Kitty Hawk would never have happened. But they did more than dream.

They also worked hard, studied and learned more of what they didn’t understand. And they set a goal…most likely any number of goals. They coped with failed attempts, probably some personal conflicts (they were brothers after all), as well as lots of nay-sayers who thought that the idea of getting a heavy piece of machinery off the ground was just foolish, if not downright crazy!

And every great gain in human history is like this. And every personal success story is like this. What we deem as an “overnight success” is rarely if ever an accurate term. If you care to ask, you will discover that that person has been working for months or years, keeping a dream alive with help from someone, lots of goals, large and small, and persistent work. You can do it too. You can free yourself of the obstacles that are in your path by keeping your eye on your goals, finding encouragement and help where you can (it’s all around you, really!) and taking it step by step. Some day you will celebrate your own Personal Independence Day!

Building Self Esteem

Posted on June 27, 2011 by JanetEisenbise

“Most people are extras in their own movie.” ~Bob Proctor

When it comes to creating success in life, some of the key terms you will hear over and over again are self image and self esteem. You are probably aware of the importance of helping children develop these personal building blocks, especially if you are a parent or a teacher, but you may not be aware that our need for a healthy self image and strong self esteem plays an important role in adult life as well.

As we arrive in adulthood, we possess a certain self image that has accumulated from the early messages we received, our experiences and the accumulated beliefs and behaviors which have resulted. We can accurately call this our paradigm.

This paradigm is really important because although most of us are not aware of it, this perception of yourself is the container in which you grow and live. You cannot grow beyond it, and your success can not exceed it.

In other words, you may have a keen desire for higher education, but if your self-image or paradigm is that you aren’t smart enough, or that people in your family just don’t go on to college or that only stuck-up, snobby people have education, then you won’t see this as a serious goal or attain it.

Your self esteem, or the degree to which you like, love and accept yourself is another key. High self esteem is a critical factor that can positively affect many areas of your life. On the other hand, if you have low self esteem, it will act as a constant challenge . . . a hurdle you have to jump over each time you want to try something new, a constant force dragging you down.

The good news is that you are not stuck with the paradigm or self image that you have presently. If you are aware that you don’t feel very good about yourself, you can change it. If you are frustrated by not getting the results you want in your life, you can dissolve those blocks that are keeping you from success. Step by step you can change the behaviors and emotions so that they match up with the person that you are wishing you were.

While self-esteem can be difficult to change, it’s not impossible. We’ve come up with a few time-tested tips for improving your self-esteem, and feeling better and more positive about yourself on a daily basis. Here are a few ideas:

Make a list of things you like about yourself – and refer back to it often. This list should include your successes and achievements, and your positive traits and qualities. The more you practice liking and accepting yourself, the more things you’ll be able to add to the list.
Surround yourself with people who are loving and accepting. Don’t let yourself get dragged down by the negative attitudes of others. Your true friends will like you the way you are.

Take care of yourself. Give yourself the care and attention you deserve, whether that means breaking a few bad habits, paying more attention to your physical health and appearance, or taking a break with some relaxing time alone.

Do what you love. Find a way that you can shine, using your strengths and talents to the best of your abilities. Pursuing activities that you’re good at is one of the best ways to build self-confidence!
Practice asserting yourself to others and drawing some boundaries in your relationships. If you tend to be passive and allow others to lay their expectations on you, speak up and say no. If you are avoidant, then push yourself to speak up rather than distancing yourself.
Create some mental movies that are starring you in the situations that you desire. Combine this technique with relaxation and it is a very powerful way to get on track.

Set goals (be very specific) and learn to work with them every day. Find an accountability partner to report your progress to and to stay on track.

Quit watching TV and other time wasters and commit to taking positive action every day. Baby steps + gratitude and appreciation is the big key to change.

High self-esteem is a powerful motivator and an important predictor of future success. You can get started improving your self-esteem today.

“Core Inner Strength,” a hypnosis program developed by Dr. Shirley McNeal, is a fun and easy way to improve your self-esteem. In just four hypnotic sessions, you will discover the life-changing secrets behind experiencing comfort and safety in yourself, raising your self-esteem and self-confidence, and finding your inner strength.

To learn more about Dr. McNeal’s program, click here: http://www.hypnosisnetwork.com/hypnosis/self_esteem.php