“Health, south wind, books, old trees, a boat, a friend.”
~Ralph Waldo Emerson~
Lately I’ve been thinking about what makes for a good life. I like those tee shirts and bumper stickers that say “Life is good.” Sometimes when I see them I am brought up short, sort of startled out of some preoccupation or other with what I need to get done or haven’t gotten done yet. If you are like me, sometimes life seems like a never ending to do list.
Our time is consumed with little mundane tasks or small steps to big goals, and once in awhile a pedal-to-the-metal burst of hard work to meet a deadline. Since I am in the business of helping people who generally need and want to change something essential, or to come to terms with some change in life that has changed them, goals and meeting them is ever present for me. Or nearly so.
I guess what has brought this into focus is my mom. At 93, she has dementia as well as a physical disability that has left her dependent on her children and a live-in caregiver for every day functions. Seeing her, caring for her and making decisions on her behalf has been touching, sad, funny and difficult and challenging by turns.
Some evenings as I leave her I feel distressed and upset at my helplessness to change the conditions of her life. Other times I am more settled and philosophical about the mysteries of how we live our lives and come to the end as we do. And inevitably, it has brought up an awareness of my own life choices, where I am at this point and the unknowns of my own future.
Most days I can accept that we humans have very little direct control of life. We can plan, we can be active in doing what we think will prepare us for certain eventualities. We can make a game plan after sorting out new directions at various junctures in life. All of that is important. And it makes a huge difference in the quality of life to be a conscious creator rather than a piece of driftwood being tossed along where ever the current takes us.
But what I became aware of is the importance of being mindful as we go along. Deciding what it is that we value the most. And then making sure that our schedule reflects what we say is most important. You know that old adage about the man lying on his death bed is never wishing he had spent more time at the office? If you would say that your relationships are the most important thing in your life, and then were to add up the hours in a week or month that you spend feeding those relationships, would your declaration be believable? What you say is important should be congruent with your behavior, or you have a big disconnect going on.
And it’s important to be paying attention to life as you are living it. What does that mean? I think it means taking time every day and every week to stop, reflect, and really observe what is going on. To be in nature and smell the flowers, feel your body as you walk along. Do something with a friend that is outside your routine. Go see something that is off your beaten path and open yourself to the wonder of life. I never fail to be amazed at people’s creativity, and even more so, nature’s creations. To be filled with awe is to be filled with spirit. You know that you are alive. This is living!
Take time for silence. Invite inspiration to come and make it welcome by allowing space for it. Rest and relax. Soon you can return to working. There is certainly an important place for that. But at the end of the day, or the end of a life, be sure that you have remembered to live.
