You may assume that reaching for a life of your dreams involves setting and working on goals. That is a frequent subject of the posts in this blog, as well as many books and seminars related to human development.
In studying and practicing the art of life change, I have frequently heard that being specific about what you desire, and establishing a deadline for when you intend to manifest it, are both essential to success.
The problem is that taken to an extreme, these steps can create a lot of pressure. And the tension that we feel is actually counterproductive. And they are especially so because they begin to create doubt in our belief that we could possibly succeed.
Here are a couple of things to consider:
1. We are notoriously awful at accurately predicting what will bring us happiness. And if, in being specific with descriptive details, we lock ourselves into the one possibility that we can imagine, we are limiting ourselves and eliminating a myriad of other possibilities that we can’t even imagine!
For instance, Joe is looking for a new job. And a friend has told him of a position that has opened up. Joe is excited because it is in his field, pays well and sounds just perfect. He focuses on how much he wants THAT job, and prepares for the interview, hoping and praying that he will get it. In the meantime, there are many other possibilities that he isn’t even aware of because they are “off his radar.”
As it turns out, he doesn’t get the job he hoped for, and he is angry, disappointed and discouraged. After he recovers and is back to working on his goal, visualizing success, feeling positive, he hears someone talking at a party about looking for a contractor to provide technical services. It includes specialized knowledge and a skill set that Joe just acquired through a certification course that he took over a year ago. It pays way more per hour than he has ever received and he has all the equipment he needs to work from home.
Joe is thrilled and amazed at how this opportunity just “fell in his lap.” He’s really happy that he didn’t get that other job!
2. While it is helpful to track the action steps that you take toward a goal, imposing a strict deadline (interesting word, isn’t it? “Dead line”) will limit and inhibit your progress. How? Primarily by creating fear and doubt that you can possibly succeed, which means you are then wasting energy fighting with yourself.
Deciding ahead of time when you will reach that goal is just unrealistic if you have no basis of experience for the steps you are taking. Noting the steps and appreciating yourself every day, and enjoying the process involved will make a big positive difference.
So take the pressure off. Focus on how you feel about achieving the goal. Keep those good vibrations up and keep moving!
