Black Eyed Susans

If you asked the man or woman on the street a question about what they would like most in life, they may first tell you some material possession.  More money, a luxury car, a big house for instance.

But I’ll bet that on further reflection, most people would say great relationships.

There are hundreds of thousands of people looking for relationships in bars (all the wrong places) and online dating sites.  If they have a romantic relationship or a marriage relationship, they often feel the need to improve it.

Parents want to feel closer and to have less conflict with their children.  Older parents want to be more involved in the lives of their grown children and grandchildren.

Employees want to feel valued and respected by the companies they work for, and supervisors want cooperation and a friendly working atmosphere with the people they supervise.

To a large extent, the quality of our relationships determines the quality of our lives.

And yet, as important as they are, most of us leave it to chance.  After we choose a husband or wife, for instance, we hope for the best.  And if it isn’t going well, we blame and resent our spouse for not meeting our needs or being who we want them to be.

But what would happen if you treated your relationships like the most precious investment of your life?  After all, that’s what they are.  And yet that sounds like a novel idea.

We are used to thinking of our jobs that way.  And our house mortgages and even our cars.  We don’t spend thousands on these big ticket items and then just hope for the best.  If we did the house would soon be falling down (or in foreclosure) and the car would be sitting by the side of the road with smoke rolling out from under the hood.

Certainly we need to support our relationships with our money.  But the most precious and important commodities that we invest is our time and attention.  How much time have you given the people you love this week?  How much undivided attention have you given them?

I know families who never sit down at the same time to share a meal.  And families who have the television or computer on the whole they are together.  And families who practically live in the car during non-work hours, driving their kids to one lesson or activity after the other.  It may seem important that the children take the lessons in order to have an advantage later in life.  But could it be balanced with time with the family, and time just to play together?

For better relationships, take time for the people you love.  Have a conversation.  Turn off the TV and computer and give them your undivided attention.  Ask your spouse out for a date and woo him or her again.  Go out of your way to impress them.  (If they were meeting you now, would they say yes to a second date?)

If you are having trouble connecting, go get some help.  There are great professionals who do relationship counseling.  I know there is some resistance (aka fear) surrounding this suggestion.  But you wouldn’t think of taking out your own appendix would you?  Most of us wouldn’t change the oil in our cars or replace our own brake pads.

So take courage in hand and invest the time and money in protecting and improving the most precious relationships in your life.