Relationship Tips 101

Since the quality of the relationships we have seem to have the most direct correlation to the quality of our lives, then learning how to improve them may be a top priority.  In short, those with the best relationships report greater health and happiness in their lives.

For those who are weary from the battlegrounds of married and family life, or those who are feeling bored and restless, there are a couple of very simple things that can make a difference.  Of course I must add a caveat since just knowing these things won’t make a bean’s worth of difference.  It is in practicing them consistently (preferably every day) that will change your life and your relationships.

Here we go:

• You are likely focused on what is wrong with this person or people you are living or interacting with.  If you can make a list of your aggravations with them, that is definitely the case.  Since what we focus on gets bigger, your irritation and resentment will keep growing if you maintain your negative focus.

• Make a list of what you do want. Think in concrete, simple outcomes.  Be reasonable in keeping the person’s capabilities and personality in mind.  Or as my niece has been heard saying, “Keep in mind who you are working with.”  Tune into those qualities that you desire to experience in relationship with that person and write them down.

• Play a new game called “Catch Them Doing Something Right.”  Watch for the person to do something positive and be quick to express your appreciation for it.  Acknowledge even small things with a quick thanks at least.  Be quiet about infractions that you notice (breathe deeply and release your tension) and delay reacting.  If it’s really important, set aside time to talk about it when you are calm and can be constructive.  Pay attention to the positive qualities and behaviors and be grateful.

• Focus on being the person that you wish to attract in others.  Feel the feelings of peace or love or whatever you desire to experience with the other person or family members in the relationship.

• When you do offer critical feedback, use what I call the “Kiss-Slap-Kiss Approach.” Begin with a truthful compliment acknowledging something you appreciate.  Say in an assertive way (starting the statement with “I” not “you,”) what you want in the way of change. End in another compliment or positive comment.

You will soon be noticing a shift in how you are feeling about the relationship.  First because it just feels better to be thinking and looking for the good in others.  And when you are being what you desire, those qualities will be growing and becoming more a part of your daily life.

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