Monthly Archives: July 2010

Change Your Mind with Observation

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The last few posts have been about some elements of Positive Psychology, which I find attractive because when put into use, people benefit by not only living free of pain and suffering, but by learning to be genuinely happy.

We know this is real change, not a figment of anyone’s imagination, because science has developed the technology to see the living, functioning brain.  We know that the old neuropathways of thinking-feeling-action can be moved and changed.

In other words, the brain is much more flexible than once thought.

So how can you change your own neuropathways?  One effective way is by observing someone else who is already doing what you desire or intend to do.

For instance if what you intend to do is make a complete change of profession or occupation and become a chef, you would observe someone who is a great chef and learn all you can from watching them.

What if you don’t know someone in person who is a chef?  You can watch chefs cook by video or on television shows where they demonstrate their techniques.

You can also ask to interview a chef and find out all you can about how s/he learned to cook and what the most important basic techniques are.

You could also check out biographies of great chefs and learn about their lives, habits and best practices.  Reading is a great way to immerse you in a new culture or experience without ever leaving home.

I know that some will object to this because they don’t really enjoy reading, don’t have the time, etc.  But the importance of reading is undisputed.  “Readers are leaders,” as someone once said, and I believe it is true.  The smartest, most capable people I know are avid readers.

Reading and listening, watching and observing are powerful agents of change because they help to shift old patterns of belief and behavior.  They are methods that will build new pathways in your brain and body.

You can super charge the vision for your new life by using your library card (or getting one if you don’t have it already); go to the biography section or go to the video “how to” section and surround yourself with new ideas of those who are already achieving what you intend.

More Positive Psychology

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Summer in Maine

Have you wondered how you might improve your ability to make desired changes more quickly?  Positive psychology coaching may offer a way to do this.  There are two key components of learning new ways of thinking and establishing new patterns of behavior.

One is being open and accepting of new learning.  Often we think we know already, and are closed off to new information or a new way of looking at something.  Our need to be right will block off the opportunity to learn. What do you do when confronted by a different opinion or point of view?  Do you immediately reject it outright?

It is important to understand that our patterns of thought and behavior are often so well established that we have no idea where they even came from.  Wayne Dyer calls this “habitual mind,” and we all have acquired it from our early upbringing and are often not even conscious that we are using it.

Are you judgmental and argumentative when you hear something new that contradicts the way that you habitually see things?  Then you are close-minded and missing an opportunity to widen your perspective and take in something new that could help to change your life for the better.  You can become aware simply by asking yourself a question and observing the answer:  “How open am I to new learning?”

The second factor is your willingness to accept change.  I hear lots of people who are miserable with their life situations and want to analyze and analyze why but are immediately resistant to changing anything.  They often even say how they hate change!  And yet life itself is a process of change, isn’t it?  If we’re not growing and changing, we are dying.

The resistance comes up in the form of explanations and excuses and reasons.  I can’t make more money because my company has eliminated raises this year.  I can’t learn Spanish because I’m no good at languages.  I can’t exercise because I can’t afford a gym membership.  I have a lousy social life because there aren’t any good men (or women).

Here is another good question for you to ask yourself:  “What am I willing to give up in order to achieve this?”  Would you give up watching TV in order to work a part-time job in the evening or weekend?  Would you get out of bed an hour earlier in order to go for a walk before you get ready to go to work?  Would you plan a menu and cook a little rather than eating fast food?  Would you give up hanging out in the evenings in order to take a class?

Talk about resistance to change!  We get mighty uncomfortable when we even THINK about changing our routines!  Those well-worn habits have made neuropathways in the brain which means the thoughts-emotions-actions are so automatic that we don’t even have to think about them.  And now changing them is awkward and uncomfortable!

But the good news is that we can apply positive psychology and make use of the plasticity of the brain.  Meaning that those neuropathways are much more flexible that we once knew.  Opening yourself up to new thoughts and practicing new behaviors will strengthen you and increase your resilience.

As you practice them, they will eventually become second nature to you.  New goals will be achieved and new growth will occur.  When you accomplish these, step by step, you will have the satisfaction of knowing that you are succeeding.  And you have used positive psychology to do it.


How Can Positive Psychology Benefit You?

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Ostrich ferns

How can you make use of one of the most exciting developments in the field of psychology?  Could you personally benefit from Positive Psychology?


I think the answer is a resounding yes!  There are some principles of this practice that shift the focus from endless analysis of what caused the problem to what you can do to solve the problem.


While it is useful to understand how you have come to the situation you are in, failing to move beyond it will do no good.
One of the concepts that you might understand and then build upon is resilience.  Webster defines resilience as:

1: the capability of a strained body to recover its size and shape after deformation caused especially by compressive stress
2: an ability to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change

Karen Reivich, a psychologist who does resilience training for the military has an even better definition.  She says, “Resilience is the ability to grow and thrive in the face of challenges – bending instead of breaking.  Compassion, patience, love, these are the words I want us to be thinking about.”


At one time the power of positive thinking was understood to be a process of forcing yourself to “paste over” your ordinary reality with some nice, glib statements.  There was a character on Saturday Night Live which you might remember talking to himself in the mirror in this manner.


Instead, promote lasting change in yourself by deepening your understanding of what is going on.  Stop and ask yourself, “What can I learn from this situation?”  Who else is involved and do I empathize with them?  What are they experiencing?  How can I benefit myself and everyone else?


More about this in the next post.

Relationship Tips 102

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Black Eyed Susans

If you asked the man or woman on the street a question about what they would like most in life, they may first tell you some material possession.  More money, a luxury car, a big house for instance.

But I’ll bet that on further reflection, most people would say great relationships.

There are hundreds of thousands of people looking for relationships in bars (all the wrong places) and online dating sites.  If they have a romantic relationship or a marriage relationship, they often feel the need to improve it.

Parents want to feel closer and to have less conflict with their children.  Older parents want to be more involved in the lives of their grown children and grandchildren.

Employees want to feel valued and respected by the companies they work for, and supervisors want cooperation and a friendly working atmosphere with the people they supervise.

To a large extent, the quality of our relationships determines the quality of our lives.

And yet, as important as they are, most of us leave it to chance.  After we choose a husband or wife, for instance, we hope for the best.  And if it isn’t going well, we blame and resent our spouse for not meeting our needs or being who we want them to be.

But what would happen if you treated your relationships like the most precious investment of your life?  After all, that’s what they are.  And yet that sounds like a novel idea.

We are used to thinking of our jobs that way.  And our house mortgages and even our cars.  We don’t spend thousands on these big ticket items and then just hope for the best.  If we did the house would soon be falling down (or in foreclosure) and the car would be sitting by the side of the road with smoke rolling out from under the hood.

Certainly we need to support our relationships with our money.  But the most precious and important commodities that we invest is our time and attention.  How much time have you given the people you love this week?  How much undivided attention have you given them?

I know families who never sit down at the same time to share a meal.  And families who have the television or computer on the whole they are together.  And families who practically live in the car during non-work hours, driving their kids to one lesson or activity after the other.  It may seem important that the children take the lessons in order to have an advantage later in life.  But could it be balanced with time with the family, and time just to play together?

For better relationships, take time for the people you love.  Have a conversation.  Turn off the TV and computer and give them your undivided attention.  Ask your spouse out for a date and woo him or her again.  Go out of your way to impress them.  (If they were meeting you now, would they say yes to a second date?)

If you are having trouble connecting, go get some help.  There are great professionals who do relationship counseling.  I know there is some resistance (aka fear) surrounding this suggestion.  But you wouldn’t think of taking out your own appendix would you?  Most of us wouldn’t change the oil in our cars or replace our own brake pads.

So take courage in hand and invest the time and money in protecting and improving the most precious relationships in your life.

Smart Goals One Bolt at a Time

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"A Perfect Storm of Turbulent Gases"

Goal planning for most of us is a real challenge.  And often the follow-through is also difficult.  Even when we are highly motivated to reach a personal goal, we can become overwhelmed and lose focus.

My goals, perhaps like yours, often involve making a lot of small steps on the road to fruition.  And often I get distracted by thinking about some aspect that I don’t know yet how to complete, and lose track of where I am in the process.

On Monday’s post I commented on the movie, “Hubble,” the story of the last mission to repair the giant space telescope.  One of the points that impressed me had to do with reaching goals.

The astronauts had a daunting task ahead of them.  They had to complete a number of difficult mechanical and technical repairs and do this in a weightless, deeply cold and airless environment.  And they were wearing bulky spacesuits which were tethered to the shuttle, as were all the tools that they used.

Their gloves were especially vulnerable as they manipulated the tools and the telescope parts they were replacing.  A cut to the glove would allow air to escape and would be fatal.

They practiced the maneuvers over and over again in a replica of the equipment which was in a deep pool of water to give them the best sense of weightlessness possible.  They were well prepared, but of course things happen in real life that are unexpected, and their teamwork and ability to problem solve would certainly be called for.

There were some very tense moments when one team had problems loosening a bolt and then later removing a screw.  They were stuck and for awhile it looked like the whole mission might be compromised or scrapped.  It took hours for them to complete the task.

One of the astronauts said that he adopted a Zen approach.  By this he meant that he focused on just one screw or bolt at a time.  He wasn’t thinking about the whole mission, or the myriad of other screws and what if they were ALL this difficult to remove?!  Instead, he focused only on the screw at hand.

I was impressed.  His approach was simple and wise.  Not necessarily easy though.  He had trained his mind to focus on just one thing and to complete that one task before he began thinking about another.  Self discipline.

We can all learn to do this.  Even though sometimes I think the human mind is a lot like a band of monkeys, running around being unruly, and when alarmed, shrieking and jumping about causing a lot of commotion.  It’s hard to get anything done when our thoughts are like that.

With practice, you can learn to focus your mind on one step in reaching your personal goals, business goals or career goals.  That’s really all we can accomplish anyway…just the one step at hand.

Photo credit:  ESA,NSA, and J. Hester, Arizona State U.

The Magnificence of Goals

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Orion Nebula's biggest stars

In recent days I have been thinking more about how to set goals and especially performance goals and the process of supporting and reaching them.

Yesterday I had one of those memorable and inspirational experiences that I want to capture and share.  The story of the Hubble space telescope was showing at the local Imax theater in 3D, and I went with two friends to see it.

The pictures were breathtaking and the story was dramatic and inspiring.  Of course I had heard the newscasts at the time and thought the story was an interesting one.  But the movie provides more of a sense of immediacy and reality.

I remembered afterward that the unconscious mind can’t tell whether what it is seeing is real or imagined.  Only the conscious mind knows that it is in a theater watching a movie.  No wonder I was on the edge of my seat during the difficult and dangerous mission!

The beauty and magnificence of creation is beyond me to describe.  The telescope provides pictures of galaxies millions of light years away.  Even so the extent of it is unimaginable.  Seeing stars being created and stars in their decline, planets with their suns and moons spinning and moving all in their own orbits is awesome.  We could see our own Milky Way and within it our planet Earth, a beautiful and unique life-sustaining orb, suspended.

In all that vastness there is what I would describe as a divine order.  A sense of those billions of stars and planets having a life span and a place in the universe.  Laws of some kind governing their orbits and their travels in relation to the others.  (What keeps them from careening into each other more often than they do?).  I can’t believe this is some random series of events that just showed up.

And although it is a common hope and fantasy that we will discover another planet similar to ours, capable of sustaining life as we know it, there is no sign of it.  As far as we know, we are IT.  There was a reminder that we must care for, heal and sustain this one place that sustains us.

The other big impression that I was left with was the power of the human beings who created and completed the missions of the Hubble.  The newscasts showed us pictures and stories of the brave crew members who are blasting off to complete the missions.  What the movie shows is the vast cast of supporting members who were helping them train, developing the technology, building and refining the equipment, even dressing them before launch.  I think the figure was 10,000 people and 10,000 hours to achieve the goals that made Hubble possible.

And all of them imagining the positive end in mind.  We become what we repeatedly think of.  For them to press on despite the difficulties, to face the dangers in order to repair the telescope, they had to have a positive outcome in mind.  They were obviously NOT imagining failure, and they were NOT saying that it couldn’t be done “because it’s never been done in the past!

How often have you said that to yourself?  Imagined a negative outcome to your goal?  Or put off even starting because all your conscious mind can conjure up is your experiences of the past?  “This is the way we’ve always done it.”  or “No one in my family ever flew into space (or went to college, or made that much money, or was a successful painter, etc.).”

Such thoughts and the images you are feeding to your unconscious mind will put a quick and miserable end to the goals statements that you have set.  Learn to work with your conscious mind, which feeds your unconscious mind by writing personal goals and then repeatedly giving yourself the images of the outcome you desire.

Photo credit:  NASA, European Space Agency, M.Roberto and the Hubble Space Telescope Orion Treasury Project Team