When Craig called for his coaching appointment he sounded dejected. After several months of progress and encouragement, he had “hit the skids,” as he put it. Although he had been carrying around a to-do list, he had done none of the items on his list.
The day before he was at the doctors to have a checkup and found out that he had regained 10 pounds (after working very hard to lose them). He admitted that he hadn’t gotten the blood work done that the doctor had prescribed and had in fact lost the prescription. And although he was going through the motions of preparing for a new job search, he wasn’t doing much.
What’s going on here?
After a little questioning Craig was able to pinpoint the day when he stopped taking care of his life. He related a story about having prepared an extensive progress report for his boss, which he presented at a meeting of coworkers. Complete with Powerpoint slides, he felt confident about the quality of the report. Right in the middle of it, the boss, who had been repeatedly looking at his watch, abruptly cut him off and shortly afterward ended the meeting without acknowledging Craig’s work or making an explanation. Craig felt embarrassed and furious.
His coworkers sympathized with him, but said that was typical of the boss’s behavior. It wasn’t personal to Craig…he treated everyone that way. Which is why Craig was job hunting.
As we talked, he recognized that he was not only mad at the boss, but was taking out his frustration on himself. His self talk was really critical and reminiscent of what he had heard from his dad. It was all an old pattern of habitual mind. And it inevitably resulted in low energy and unproductive behaviors.
So what could Craig do?
The opposite of what he is doing, in short. Now that he is aware of his pattern of thought/feeling/behavior he can change it. He began by setting a clear intention for his life, beginning with the old oppressive beliefs and behaviors.
Yes, he had done this before, but losing his momentum and direction requires him to clarify and refocus.
He could use a number of tools including the Emotional Freedom Technique to discharge the tension he was feeling with the beliefs he was repeating to himself. This is a very effective method of dealing with troublesome emotions and behaviors.
He could also interrupt the thoughts, interject the truth, and take some small action that will move him toward the change he intends. Consistently choosing to do one thing different is ultimately the key.
If you can relate to his experience and have walked in his shoes, remind yourself that this is all part of the process of change. Falling off the horse is an unavoidable part of learning to ride the horse. Dust yourself off and get back up there.
The thing is, you will have to choose to plug away at practicing new thoughts and new skills every day. And especially in the beginning, this is a mighty uncomfortable process. Whether you are becoming a non-smoker, or learning new software, or marketing your art work or changing careers or saving your marriage, you are going to feel awkward and uncomfortable.
Change comes about when we practice it. And the baby steps count and add up quickly when we take them every day. But you have to make a choice to either stay in familiar territory, aka the comfort zone, doing what you have always done; or do that one thing that is different and affirms your intention no matter how uncomfortable it feels.
Every day you when you wake up, you will choose.
