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No, I’m Not Stalking Your Abelia

The following is a guest post by Amy Rizzo who writes  an interesting take on overcoming  perfectionism. I hope you will enjoy it.


Park Spring Flowers Tulip Tree
But maybe I’m staking out your tulip tree.

There are very few mornings that I leave the house without my camera. I’ve always enjoyed taking pictures, but it’s only been this past year that I really started taking pictures with confidence. Not because I took a class or read a book, but because I let go of the idea of taking a good picture every time. I take thirty pictures, or more, a day sometimes and use maybe one of them. That’s the beauty of digital-I can erase everything if I want. There’s no commitment, and that frees me to take bad pictures. Without the pressure, I find that sometimes I capture a wonderful moment or a beautiful object.

It’s on my ‘to do’ list to take a class, but in the meantime I’m hiking around the park with the Baby Bear and the hound, snapping pics of the things we see. Usually it’s nature and takes me into the gardens and yards of neighbors. Most of them are friends, and I really try not to intrude. I know I must look odd, I hesitate to say lurking, but sometimes I end up crouching or craning around a side yard. I also try to call ahead to let my friends know that I’ll be walking around their house to photograph their camellias.

But if you see a woman with a baby, a dog and a camera stooped over to see the daffodils better while precariously balancing said baby, dog and camera, please don’t call the police. I’m not stalking you. It’s a good shot of your tulip tree that I’m after.

Wash Day Leaf Buds
view from the back porch

Wash Day AG
Baby Bear on the back porch. (yes, she’s biting the railing.)

Oyster Mush 008

Golden Glow Day 7

I spy Mail Slot
Inquisitive minds looking through the mail slot

I spy Life in my garden

Life in my garden

I spy stones
Stones with a story to tell

I spy acorn cap

Photos by Amy O. Rizzo
All rights reserved

More on Clearing Out

This morning I got a gentle reminder to practice what I preach.  I don’t think that was her intention, but when my daughter asked if she might take pictures of my “creative space,” that was the message I got.

My first reaction was “Yikes!  Are you kidding?  The place is a mess!”  I was referring to my home office which is always the last place to be attended to.  I was genuinely horrified to think of pictures being taken in there.

I went on to say that I have begun a de-cluttering project in there, starting with a large bookcase.  Almost finished.  But not quite.  That leaves a number of other pieces of furniture that are burdened by stuff that has been there longer than I care to say.

Amy writes a blog at creativespace.typepad.com and she takes beautiful pictures.  She went on to say that she was thinking of doing a series of people’s creative spaces and could do before and after pictures of mine.

This conversation transpired on a Saturday morning and one of the things on my agenda for the day was to work in there.  I have mentioned in a previous blog that I have been going through my book collection and taking the ones I’ve culled to donate to the library.

Before starting to work, I sat and looked around, thinking about my reaction to Amy’s suggestion.  Why the alarm?  I recognized the sounds of perfectionism rattling around in my mind.

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Try Something New

How are you doing with your resolve to begin a new chapter of your life?  It seems like January 1 has just barely passed, until I am astonished when I look at the calendar.  A friend of mine says she thinks that someone sped up the Time Wheel and turned up the Gravity Machine.

Spring energy is likely responsible for it, but doesn’t it seem to be time for something new?  It’s no wonder that magazine ads are full of new clothing as well as fresh new home furnishings.  The nursery and greenhouse nearby has a sign advertising perennials.  (Would they be safe?  I just scraped frost off of my car windows this morning).

We might make use of this natural impulse and direct our own energy in a positive way.  Are you tired of the same routines in your life?  A friend was telling me how she dislikes the daily morning routine that leads into her work days.

Although I have a lot of freedom of choice, I find myself pretty much going to the same places, running the same errands, doing a lot of the same things throughout the week and seeing the same people.

This is comfortable, familiar.  And verging on a rut, I’m afraid.  And while doing the familiar is easy, it makes being fully present or mindful, more difficult.  What might happen if you were to try something new?

Rearrange the furniture.  Drive a new route to work.  Or better yet, take an unexpected day off to pamper yourself or spend it with a friend.  Eat a vegetable that isn’t in your usual diet.  Eat in a foreign restaurant or try a dish that is new to you.

Better yet, go out of your way to meet someone you don’t know.  Talk to someone who may be a person you see but haven’t really met.  Read a magazine or book with a point of view that is different than yours.  Take a walk in a park or neighborhood that is unfamiliar.

Take a look at your resolutions if you wrote them down in January.  You did write them down, didn’t you?  There may be one that you haven’t done much with.  Choose it and take a step in a new direction.  Remember that small steps not only count, but they are the way to go.  Write in your journal about the step you took and tell someone you love about it.

In the comment section below, leave a note telling us about your ideas and experiences in trying something new.  We’d love to hear from you!

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Clean Up

“But he that dares not grasp the thorn

should never crave the rose.”

~Anne Bronte~

Recently I have been noticing something that I have to confess really irritates me.  It seems to be one of those little things that usually go unnoticed that really affect the quality of life for everyone.

Maybe the change in the season is bringing it to my awareness.  Spring is certainly stirring, but the landscape is still looking barren and brown from the deep winter sleep.  And it’s been overcast and raining here, so you have to have an eye for detail to see the promise of new life.

The wind has blown trash around, and made it apparent that people are just tossing plastic bottles and McDonald’s food wrappers out of car windows.  Someone near my office door has been throwing cigarette butts down on the wet mulch around the shrubs beside the building.  Lovely addition to the landscaping.

One small step to a better life is to take full responsibility for cleaning up our own messes.   Adults clean up after themselves and don’t leave it to someone else to take care of it.

We do this in a literal, physical way (such as picking up after yourself) and also psychologically.  Are you taking advantage of someone else by leaving your dishes in the sink or your clothing on the floor?  Are you expecting that someone else will pick up the trash that you dropped beside the can?

Can you think of a relationship that is strained because of something you carelessly said or did?  Do you have feelings of guilt about something you neglected to do?  Most of us can recall such things, and so there is an opportunity for clean up.  Making amends, as they refer to it in the Twelve Step tradition.

When there are relationship problems, it is easy to get fixated on the other person’s behavior.  Their quirks, flaws and faults are easy to recall and use in an argument.  The more uncomfortable but productive thing is to ask yourself how YOU have contributed to the problem.

This is the “thorn” you must grasp if you want to have the rose of a happier life and better relationships.  And when you grasp it, don’t be afraid of owning up to it.  Or even if you feel afraid, do it anyway.

Your choice to clean up relationship glitches as well as messes that you have made will not only improve the quality of your own life, but the lives of everyone around you.  Others may or may not know that you took this responsibility on, but you will experience the satisfaction of knowing that you did.

Go for it!

Let It Go

“The time for action is now.

It’s never too late to do something.”

~Antoine de Saint Exupery~


Have you noticed that there is a hint of spring in the air?  Although I still need my fleece and gloves when I go out walking, there is a whiff of something. Maybe earth or maybe the maple trees which I notice are full of red buds.

After the winter we have had, this shift in season is most welcome.  The last remnants of the snow piles are melting and the snowdrops are blooming.  When clients come into my office, they are smiling and commenting that it’s wonderful to see the sun.

Seasonal change, especially spring, seems to prompt new growth in us as well as the jonquils which are waking up.  We can make use of that natural spring energy to push ourselves onward toward the change that we intend.
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See the Beauty

“See the beauty in the day
and know that you are a part of it.”
~Sylvia Lehman~

Today is my sister Sylvia’s birthday and I would like to dedicate this post to her.  She sometimes signs off on her email with the above words, which always are a boon to my spirit.

Perhaps it is because she is an artist that her words seem so fitting, but I think that they are perfect for positive psychology as well.  You don’t have to be an artist to put the concept into practice.

And like the other baby steps we are taking to big life change, this will do a lot to improve the quality of your life.

Have you noticed that what you focus on, or put your attention on, gets bigger?  If something happens that irritates you and you keep talking to yourself about it, and anyone else who will listen, your irritation and preoccupation begins to grow and grow.

Before long you are in a big snit and it has colored your entire day.

On the other hand if you can be aware that you have a choice in where your attention is directed, you will turn this around.  Take a few deep breaths and survey your surroundings.  What do you really see?

A beautiful sky perhaps.  The daffodils pushing through the dirt, showing bright green shoots with just a hint of yellow.  A cardinal at the feeder.  An interesting and beautiful detail of architecture.  A smiling child.  A couple of old friends sharing a meal.  A beautiful line of poetry or music. Something you wrote in your own journal.

There is a teaching tale about being in the woods where a white dog and a red dog are roaming around every day.  They are always there.  And every day you make a choice about which dog you are going to feed.

The white dog is peace, love, beauty and joy.  The red dog is anger, resentment, fear and blame.  We know enough about dogs to know that whichever one we feed is going to be glued to our side, growing bigger and stronger with every meal.  The one we do not feed will wander off, weaker and eventually disappearing.

Which dog are you going to feed today?