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Too Old?

Today's post is from a guest writer, Tom Kavala.  I hope you will enjoy it.

How Old Is Too Old?

A resume client recently said to me, “Yeah, but I’m too old.”

I wanted to grab him by his lapels and shake some sense into him.

I’m here to tell you …

If there’s something you’ve always wanted to do – but have been putting off – now would be a good time to do it.

A woman once walked up to well-known author and inspirational speaker Wally (Famous) Amos, after a seminar he had given and said, “If I go to law school at my age, I’ll be 55 when I graduate.” Amos asked her, “How old will you be if you don’t go?”

So let me ask you a question, “If not now, when?”

Too Old For What?

Just what is it we’re supposed to be too old for anyway?

People will tell you that advancing age results in lower energy levels and diminished capacity for getting things done.

Really? Consider the following, courtesy of the UC Berkley Wellness Letter:

Verdi composed his “Ave Maria” at age 85.

Harlan Sanders started Kentucky Fried Chicken at the tender age of 65 and became a multi-millionaire.

Grandma Moses – the renowned American folk artist – didn’t start painting until she was in her 70s and didn’t achieve success until she was in her 80s.

Michelangelo was carving the Pieta when he was 89.

Martha Graham – one of the foremost pioneers of modern dance – performed until she was 75 and choreographed her 180th work at age 95.

Marion Hart, sportswoman and author, learned to fly at age 54 and made seven nonstop solo flights across the Atlantic, the last time in 1975 when she was 83.

John Kelley finished his sixtieth Boston Marathon at the age of 83.

Jack LaLanne, at age 62, swam the length of the Golden Gate Bridge underwater, against treacherous tides, towing a 2,000-pound boat. At age 65, he was swimming in Lake Ashinoko, Japan, handcuffed, shackled and towing sixty-five boats loaded with 6,500 pounds of Louisiana wood pulp! At age 70, once again handcuffed and shackled, and fighting blustery winds and currents, LaLanne hit the water and succeeded in pulling seventy boats and seventy people – one person per boat – an astonishing one and one-half miles.

The remarkable accomplishments of these people are not just personal triumphs; rather they are triumphs of the human spirit. They demonstrate that whether you start early or late in life, you can accomplish anything you put your mind to. Whatever you can conceive, you can achieve – regardless of age.

Forget Those Who Say You Can’t

I wonder why so few people feel their age is “just right.”

Being “too old” is just an excuse – an excuse that has closed the door of opportunity to thousands of individuals. They think they are the wrong age, so they don’t even try.

I hear all kinds of people saying you reach a point where starting over, or starting a new endeavor, just isn’t practical anymore.

Let me tell you something – people who know the least, know it the loudest.

The person who is fond of saying, “It can’t be done,” is invariably interrupted by the person who just did it.

When I was a corporate sales trainer, an older salesperson – who should have known better – told me that I didn’t understand the circumstances he was under.

I asked him, “The circumstances you’re under? What are you doing under there? Get out from under there! Who told you to go under there in the first place?”

There are no circumstances you can’t handle. There are only challenges to be met. Every challenge contains within it an opportunity for you to excel.

Start Where You Are

However old you are – you are. So look at your age positively.

A friend of mine, who just turned 70, confided to me that he hated the thought of getting old. I told him it was a lot better than the alternative. If you’re not getting older, you’re dead. I’ll take old over dead any day of the week.

Instead of thinking, “I’m already too old,” think, “I’m still young.” Look forward to new horizons and gain enthusiasm for new things.

Invest time in doing what you really want to do. Whether you’re 29 or 69, it’s never too late.

So stop thinking, “I should have started years ago.” You’re here now, so start now. Your best years are ahead of you.

Just ask our own Shelby Beckett. The newest addition to AWAI’s Wall of Fame, Shelby didn’t start copy writing until she was 71. In fact, if you check out the Wall of Fame, you’ll see a lot of gray hair there.

Think about how much productive time you have left.

If your life was an hourglass and you could see the sand passing through it, what would you do today?

The cemetery is full of unwritten books, unsung songs, great deeds left undone, and discoveries never made. Most people die with their dreams still in them. Don’t let the “too old” excuse keep you from living the life you’ve always wanted.

“For of all sad words, of tongues or pen, the saddest are these: I might have been …”

 
<This article appears courtesy of American Writers & Artists Inc.’s (AWAI) Spare-Time Biz Success, a free newsletter that gives you information on the hottest work-at-home opportunities that allow you to make extra money in your spare time and enjoy the financial benefits of a full-time career. For a complimentary subscription, visit http://www.awaionline.com/signup/spare-time-business/.

 

 

Sorting It Out

 

“Three Rules of Work:  Out of clutter find simplicity;
From discord find harmony;
In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity”
 
~Albert Einstein~

One of the things that I like best about fall is that it’s a time of change.  As I imagine the seasons of the year as a wheel, we are falling from late summer into winter.  Big changes are afoot.

My acupuncturist tells me that in traditional Chinese medicine, fall is considered a time for sorting things out.  Governed by the element of metal, we determine what is of value and what is not.  We can rid ourselves of what is no longer serving our lives and keep what is.

As I look around my office, I can see that there are plenty of things that could be sorted out and let go.  I get used to cleaning and rearranging the accumulating stuff over the months, and then one day notice that it is reaching a state of chaos. 

The problem is that sometimes we have trouble deciding what is of value and what isn’t.  I once read a feng shui book which suggests that photographs should be discarded because they represent a time of life which is past and thus are of no use.  That seems a little extreme to me.  I am not a fan of clutter, but no one would confuse me with a minimalist. 

Here are some ideas for solving the problem:

• Approach one small area at a time.  One closet or one drawer if you find the job overwhelming.  Set a timer for 30 or 60 minutes and work until time is up.  If you’re on a roll, keep going.  If you’re done, take a break and do something else.

• Make a sorting area.  One box for donations, one for trash, one for keeping.

• Ask yourself when you used the item last.  If it was months or years ago, let it go.

• Is it really something that you love or are you just used to it?  What feelings or memories does it evoke?  Are they positive, negative or neutral?

• Get help with this.  If you have a friend or relative who loves organizing, have her or him come give you a hand.  You can do something for them in return later.  There are people who hire themselves out for these jobs.  Get a price and start with a half or whole day and see how much more progress you make.  There’s nothing like a fresh pair of eyes to help you see the value of stuff.

• If this process evokes undue anxiety, consider hiring a coach to help you structure your approach.  Or see a therapist to get at what might be underlying your need to hang onto stuff that is cluttering up your life.

Notice how great it feels to see some open space around you.  Clean surfaces, clean floors; order out of chaos will free you up for the more peaceful contemplative season of winter.  You will no doubt observe that it is both easier to rest and to create.

 

 

Wonder

"Happiness is an attitude.  We either make ourselves miserable, or happy and strong.  The amount of work is the same."     ~Francesca Reigler~

 

Did you ever notice how at times while you may be doing the most mundane routine, that the most astounding things happen?  I had an experience like that on Saturday evening.

I was driving back from my Mom's house where I had gone to give her supper, lay out her Sunday clothing, and spend some time with her.  She is 90 years old, is experiencing dementia, and living in her own home with a lot of care and support from my siblings and me. 

Like other kinds of care giving, it is something I am certainly willing to do, but can be mundane and sometimes feel like a chore.  Actually, I had been working most of the day and so my day had felt like a chore and I was tired.

As I was leaving her house and getting into my car, the evening sky caught my eye.  It was a brilliant scarlet, lighting up the clouds nearly halfway up from the horizon.  Breathtaking in its beauty.

The trees stood out in stark black silhouette, their varying shapes beautiful in contrast.  I stood in wonder, wishing I had my camera to capture it.

I drove slowly out of the driveway and down the country road, continuing to marvel at the beauty.  For nearly 25 minutes of my drive, I kept looking at this piece of creation and feeling grateful that I was alive and in that spot when it appeared.

It made me ask myself how much I miss going on around me every day.  I have to admit that probably like most people I get stuck in my own head, thinking about my to do list, and preoccupied with things that really won't matter next week, let alone next year or at the end of my life.

By the time I neared my house, the sun had sunk low and the sky was shades of dark purple with a few clouds lined in pink.  Still beautiful, but clearly the show was over. 

The next morning I decided to write about the sunset in my journal.  I wanted to make note of those moments which will never occur in exactly the same way again.  Mostly I wanted to remember my gratitude and the sense of awe and wonder that had lit up the end of that day. 

Conversation in Poetry


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This is Just to Say 

William Carlos Williams

 

I have eaten

the plums

that were in

the icebox

 

and which

you were probably

saving

for breakfast

 

Forgive me

they were delicious

so sweet

and so cold

 

This is Just to Say

Erica-Lynn Gambino

(for William Carlos Williams)

I have just

asked you to

get out of my

apartment

 

even though

you never

thought

I would

 

Forgive me

you were

driving

me insane

 

Good Poems – Selected and Introduced by Garrison Keillor

Penguin Books 2002

Disagree Without Being Disagreeable

"As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world…as in being able to remake ourselves."       ~Mahatma Ghandi~

Wasn't it Thumper's father who said "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all?"

There have been times when I thought that was terrible advice.  After all, expressing one's opinion is a value held near and dear by most of us, even when we aren't actually willing to speak up.  Or when we blurt something awful out and wish we had kept a paw over our mouths instead.

The more I observe our public discourse I think that the airways would be more pleasant if more people abided by the rabbit's rule for his son.  And on a personal level, it is apparent that many of us are hard pressed to express our disagreement without causing an argument and hard feelings that linger well after the discussion at hand is over.

Relationships of every kind are affected badly by this problem.  I hear clients talk about this issue which comes up in the workplace.  And even among friends, it seems a challenge at times to disagree in a constructive rather than destructive way.

But by far, it seems the most liberties are taken, and the most damage done in the more intimate relationships that we have.  Whole families have been split apart by disagreement…sometimes for pretty trivial matters that no one could really explain.  And couples very frequently go for help when the tone of their conflict gets really unpleasant, disrespectful and out of hand.

It isn't really what is said that causes resentment and anger, as much as how it is said.  

Here are some quick tips that might help:

  • Start by calming yourself down.  If your dander is up, take several deep breaths.  Take your time in responding and maybe ask for a few minutes to get your thoughts together.
  • Use "I" statements, not "you" statements.  As soon as you begin with "you," your listener will feel defensive.  (i.e. I feel; I think; I want, etc.)
  • Give the respect and courtesy that you want to receive.  Do not call names or say demeaning or snide things.  If it degenerates into this, take a break and come back to it later with an agreement that there will be no verbal abuse.  If this doesn't work, then call a therapist for help and support.
  • Speak directly to the person you are disagreeing with.  Do NOT go behind his back and bad-mouth him to a third person.  This causes a lot of drama and cranks up the emotions and is NOT helpful.  As tempting as it is to get sympathy, you are undermining a healthy communication by creating a triangle that will only cause trouble.
  • Listen twice as much as you speak.  Slow down.  If you are not getting a chance to present your views, then wait until you have heard the other person out and ask them to listen quietly while you take your turn.
  • Do the playback game by restating what you heard them say, and ask if you got it right.  As strange as this seems at first, it will slow down the pace of the conversation even more, and you can both correct any misunderstandings as you go.
  • Pay attention to the emotional cues and check out your perceptions to see if you are correct in your assumptions before going on.
  • Be clear with your listener and express how YOU are feeling about the issue and about the conversation at hand.  Resist saying "You MAKE me feel irritated," and instead take responsibility by saying, "I feel irritated…"
  • End the present conversation when you are tired or feeling at an impasse.  Make an agreement to continue the discussion soon, after both of you have had a chance to rest, have a change of scene and think some more.
  • Respect both yourself and the other person enough to allow for differences between you.  You don't both have to have the same opinion.  It is important that diverse opinions be heard and understood.
  • If there is action to be taken, tell the other person what your intentions are and what they can expect from you.  Then follow through.  Don't make excuses or flake out on responsibility.

Most of all, take responsibility for your part in the exchange.  It is a way to be empowered in your relationships and to contribute to greater peace and understanding.

Finding the Keys

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"I use the word secrets not because these things are hidden, but because so few people are

prepared to hear them today."

~The Bhagavad Gita~

 

If you are like most people who have lived past the age of, say 22, you have found yourself in a quandary about what you are doing in your life and where you ought to go from here.  It seems to be a condition of human life that no one escapes.

And while we grow wiser as we age (hopefully), and gain new skills and insight, we periodically arrive at another crossroads where we have to figure out which direction to take.

Some people consult an expert or talk with a trusted friend.  Some turn to prayer or meditation.  Some look up their horoscopes or flip a coin.  

These mysteries are baffling, and our emotional responses to not having a clear direction range from general confusion to irritation to depression and despair.  We can spend a lot of time and energy wandering around as we figure it out. 

You may notice that there are a lot of different styles of approach in looking for answers.  Some may avoid it altogether by being very, very busy.  Or drinking or gambling or shopping.  Some just drift along not making a choice but allowing circumstances to dictate to them.  Some just keep on doing the same thing over and over again because it's familiar at least. This doesn't work very well, and you may want to try an alternative.

Here are a few ideas:

  • First get clear about framing the question.  Sometimes I think the questions are more important than the answers, since the answers often shift and change as our circumstances and understanding changes.  Christina Baldwin suggests two fantastic questions to ask your soul:  What do you want me to do now?  and How do I need to change in order to do it?
  • Write the questions down.  This yields a distinctly different result than mulling it over and over again in your head or worrying.
  • Provide yourself some quiet time.  Take time away from busy-ness or from other people, TV or other hub-bub.  15 minutes will do wonders.
  • Breathe deeply for 5 breaths.  Relax your body and just follow your breath with your attention.  If you notice yourself thinking, that's okay, just bring your attention back to your breathing.
  • Keep a journal or notebook handy and as you go through your day, jot down what you observe and what occurs to you.  It is amazing how these keys to understanding may come.  It could be something you hear.  Or an image in a dream.  Or a picture or a billboard, or a line of music.  Just pay attention and don't discard how it may come.

That's it.  Simple, not necessarily easy.  But a good practice to allow some space in your life and quiet that busy clatter and chatter of the mind which sometimes drives us crazy.

After doing this a couple of weeks ago, I was putting junk mail in the recycling bag, and was struck by a "message" on an advertisement for shoes.  Had I not been asking the questions and taking time to quiet my mind, I doubt that I would ever have noticed it.  It said "Make today count."

I took it out of the recycling, took it to my desk and made a bookmark out of it.  It is clearly one key to a question in my life.