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Coyote Inspiration: Developing Resilience

By JanetEisenbise on Tuesday, June 16th, 2009 | No Comments

Yesterday I was fascinated with a story I heard on NPR   about coyotes in urban centers.  We usually think about coyotes being wily creatures found in the wild west or in a cartoon world chasing the roadrunner.  But they are being found in increasing numbers in cities such as New York City, Chicago and downtown Phoenix.  It is estimated that there are about 2,000 in downtown Chicago, many in the Loop. 

While most people are unaware of the presence of the coyotes, they are thriving on a diet of rats, mice, feral cats and goose eggs.  I had to wonder how many goose eggs could they find?  Coyote pups have a better survival rate in the city than they do in their native habitat.  It is the coyote's ability to hide within feet of passersby that enables it to adapt to a world of concrete and macadam.

When I was a kid my family lived on a farm in southwest Kansas.  We heard coyotes howl at night very frequently, and I came to love the sound, although I admit it gave me the chills.  For awhile we had a flock of ducks which came our way from the high school carnival where they were won as prizes by town kids whose parents didn't want any part of trying to keep them.  They gave them to my dad who was a high school biology teacher.

Read the rest of this entry »

Overcoming Procrastination: Being Accountable

By JanetEisenbise on Tuesday, June 16th, 2009 | 1 Comment
"If we did the things that we are capable of,
we would astound ourselves."
-Thomas Edison


Yesterday I got a call from a client who wanted to cancel her session for next week.  She said she doesn't want to go to a support group which we had agreed to during the last session.  She's scared and wants to change her commitment.  She went on to say that she is stuck…has been stuck for weeks and because of that wants to quit. 

Maybe you've been in that stuck place.  I know I have.  Quitting is a temptation because it would seem at least for the time being, to take the pressure off.  A case of wanting your life to be different but not wanting to actually change anything.  Or putting off doing what's necessary.

You may be feeling tension, but this is NOT the time to quit!  Instead, reach out and find an accountability partner.  This may be good friend who is working on the same problem.  It may be a group that you pay to join that is addressing the area of change that you are feeling stuck with.  Or hire a therapist or a life coach to get some perspective and implement a workable plan.

You do need a workable plan, even if at first it is comprised of very simple, small steps that you take every day.  The more small and simple, the better.  And then you need to show up and be accountable to yourself for actually doing what you said you would do.

Your accountability partner will help you do that.  I know someone who has a friend who meets her at the gym every weekday morning.  Lots of times she doesn't feel like going but she does because she knows her friend is waiting.  She is accountable.

For years I was part of a supervision group that focused on learning clinical skills.  We met for an hour every week and were responsible for presenting cases and offering feedback to each other.  Later I took part in a coaching group that worked on marketing skills and building a referral base.  We were accountable to the group to show up and to carry out the assignments we had agreed to.

Some time later I hired my first coach.  I was working on making a professional change to develop my writing and marketing skills and needed someone to offer some guidance and to hold me accountable.  It was a good experience.  And from there I hired my second coach who could take me further toward my goals.

These experiences have been wonderful ones in supporting my growth and change.  Yes, I have certainly been uncomfortable at times!  Facing the demons of life change is scary!  However, knowing that I have committed myself to a group or a partner or a coach makes all the difference because I know that I will get understanding and support, and also have to account for my action or lack of it.

So find someone you can use as an accountability partner.  It's time to be astounded at what you are capable of! 

Overcoming Procrastination: What Is Your Why?

By JanetEisenbise on Thursday, June 11th, 2009 | 1 Comment

Procrastination is a common problem when it comes to making life changes.  Let's continue to explore how to overcome it.

One of the major contributions of Positive Psychology, a relative newcomer to the field, is a focus on strength and resiliency rather than endless analysis and diagnosis of what is wrong with us.  Most of us are too quick to list (at least inwardly) our faults and flaws.  But we may have trouble knowing how to identify and make use of our abilities in making the changes we desire.

If you're like me, you know the signs:  after some great inspiration, you determine that you are going to do something like eat more vegetables, or get up earlier in the morning (to exercise, meditate, eat a better breakfast, etc.) or start looking for a better job.  You may take the first step or not before you find yourself at a standstill.

If you are a planner, you may write down the steps needed to accomplish the goal.  You may even write down target dates for the steps.  Or you may research and collect all kinds of information that will increase your understanding.  You may tell your friends about what you are going to do.  And still you are not doing it.

Our learning and reasoning abilities are important in making life changes.  We DO need to figure out how to go about it.  However it is our emotional brain functioning that provides the rocket fuel that gets us off the launch pad.

In order to access it, get out your journal and ask yourself these questions:  Why do I want to make this change?  What will my life be like when I have made the change?

Write a quick list in the first person, present tense as if you are already in the job you desire, or living the change you desire.  For instance begin with "When I am working as a screenwriter, I will…"and then write all about what this will look like, feel like, how it will benefit you and others.  Feel the excitement and joy that awaits you when you succeed in achieving the change.

Remember to state this WHY in positive terms!  For instance avoid writing things like "I won't have to struggle to pay my bills."  Instead write "I pay my bills and expenses easily."

Every day get out your list and read through it, preferably out loud.  Really feel the emotion that comes up with the thoughts that you wrote down.  Close your eyes and make a mental movie of it, imagining yourself as the successful screenwriter, etc. Use details to dress up the movie and to see yourself smiling and confident in the starring role.

These techniques are powerful in that they promote positive, healthy brain and bodily functioning.  They also create new pathways in the brain that are essential to changing our behaviors.

Overcoming Procrastination

By JanetEisenbise on Monday, June 1st, 2009 | No Comments
"Trying is lying.  There is no such thing as trying. 
You do it or you don't.  You get results in life
or you have excuses why you didn't.
When people say 'I'll try,' they usually mean,
'I'm not going to do it now.' "
~Dick Sutphen~

Being human, at least for most of us, means that at some time or other in the process of making life changes, we fall into the trap of procrastination.  Putting off until tomorrow what could be done today.
For some, procrastination is a plague of life, a pattern that keeps us stuck and unhappy with ourselves.

You may recognize yourself as one who makes a decision for change, sets a goal and then has to admit weeks later that you have made no progress toward that goal.  Perhaps you took the first couple of steps, then got distracted and weeks went by before you came back to the matter at hand.

Or you may not even begin at all.  As inspiring as the idea was in the first place, you haven't even gotten off the mark.  If you told anyone about your inspiration, you may be feeling sheepish or ashamed when they ask how the new project is going.

It is a temptation to get into analyzing WHY you procrastinate.  You can get into rationalizing and telling yourself stories about why this happens.  Instead of doing that, you would be safe in assuming that feelings of fear are behind it.  Fear of success, fear of failure, fear of dealing with the unknown, fear of looking like an idiot, etc. 

If you find yourself saying, "I'll try to do that," take notice.  Ask yourself what's up with that?  When I hear myself say "I'll try," I know that I have left the back door wide open to not doing it.  In fact, I have no firm intention of doing it.  So instead I refrain from saying "I'll try."  Until I am clear about my hesitation, I don't commit myself.

Is the new activity something that is really meaningful or beneficial to you?  Are you clear about how it will benefit you?  Are you just trying to be pleasing to someone else who thinks you should do this?  New behaviors take a lot of attention and energy to do.  Are you prepared and able to do that?  Do you know what is really involved in making this change?  How important is it to you?

Use your journal to explore these questions.  Talk to someone about it whose opinions you trust.  Better yet, find someone who has some experience and can relate it to you.  If you don't know anyone personally, then look for a discussion forum online or perhaps a community group.  Sometimes we need moral support and inspiration and these are good ways to find it.

See if you can identify qualities in people who have succeeded in the area you want to tackle.  Notice if you can find them in yourself.  How can you support and build on those qualities within yourself?  Write down a few small and simple steps and commit to taking those steps one at a time, every day.  Put it in your schedule so that you know specifically where and when you are doing that.  As you do them, acknowledge and appreciate yourself.  Congratulate yourself for moving ahead.

More about this on the next post.

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