What Happened? Getting Back on Track

Posted on February 25, 2009 by JanetEisenbise

It was Robert Burns who wrote, "The best laid schemes o' mice and men go oft astray," The perfect quote for one who has run off the tracks. A friend of mine recently said, "If you want to make God laugh, make plans."

What do you do when life intervenes with your plans to move forward with your goals?

A week ago I returned from my daughter's home where I was acting as new grandmother and tending the base camp so that she and the baby could sleep and feed and adjust to a new life. It was quite an experience, and a demanding one too. It has taken me a week to rest up from the work and the intense emotional experience. And I needed to work with my clients and get my house in order.

What happened to the work I scheduled in getting on with my online writing and marketing? Truly, sometimes life intervenes. I am now looking at the schedule and changing the target dates to more realistic ones.

And I think the most useful tip that I have remembered, and want to pass on to you, is this: get up early in the morning and after the basic healthy breakfast and essential morning routine, start to work on a business building project. I set the timer for 30 minutes, and don't do anything else other than write or do whatever is called for until the timer rings. No phone calls and most of all, no checking email! I don't know about you, but an entire morning can disappear while I read and answer email. Or if I click on a link in an email message,it is down the rabbit hole for me!

Please share your own tips for getting back on track after a life event has run you off the rails. You can write them in the Comments box below. We will all appreciate it!

When Life Change is a Joy

Posted on February 23, 2009 by JanetEisenbise

The past week has been a whopping emotional roller coaster ride. My first grandchild, Anna Grace, came into the world February 12 with all the hoopla and drama of a pop star! I was honored to be asked by my daughter and son-in-law to be a part of the support team for her natural birth. We thought from the early signs of labor that I should make the 5 hour drive in what turned out to be almost a week earlier than was strictly necessary. As things developed, the contractions would come and then disappear.

The days went by, filled with appointments with the acupuncturist, the midwife, and even the vet when the family greyhound needed surgery on his nose. This was all interwoven with making preparations for the eventual trip to the hospital and then, the mundane things like grocery shopping and laundry and cleanup. Many of the nights were scarce on sleep because of her contractions and wondering if they would build in frequency and intensity. Would this be the night?

In the midst of all that, we were adjusting or eliminating the plans that we had made and making more plans. It occurred to me that if I needed a reminder that when it really comes down to it, we have no control, I was getting it! And then finally, "real" labor, a ride to the hospital and the heavy duty work began. It is called "labor" for a reason!

I knew that my daughter was a strong and determined person. That she had such depth of strength and stamina was amazing and awe inspiring. I was moved to tears more than I can say. Seeing my children cry, whether in fear, anger or frustration has always tended to trigger my own tears. But there is nothing more primal and intensely powerful than birthing, and at that time we are paradoxically close to both life and death. It really is a drama of nature and life.

And then there were some spaces for quiet and relative rest. I say "relative" because Amy was in the whirlpool tub in a quiet and darkened room, still laboring, while the midwife sent Charlie and me out to get some food and later given time to rest. I was aware that during the most intense contractions there were spaces of time when we were all quiet, focused and breathing deeply. A tiny meditation time that made all the difference.

The time for the birth drew close and the tension in the room increased. When Anna Grace emerged, it seemed a miracle of relief and joy. No matter that this drama is and has been enacted millions of times before, it is never exactly the same. And I was aware that this event which can be manipulated and affected by technology is still something beyond our full understanding. It is beyond our own ability to create.

The spirit of this child who had just arrived was immediately apparent. On her mother's chest, her mouth and throat cleared, she cried briefly. Then as her mother's voice caressed her, she opened her eyes and gazed at her. As the medical staff efficiently worked, we spoke her name and as we did, she looked all around at us. I thought that she had found herself in a strange place.

I know that any grandmother will tell you that her grandchild is beautiful. In my case, it is the gospel truth. The life change that has been so long awaited has finally occurred. And like most life changes, there are trials to come and gifts to be opened. I am joyfully anticipating being witness and helper to this little beauty and eternally grateful to have her part of my life.

Assessing What IS Part II

Posted on February 12, 2009 by JanetEisenbise

Have you been noticing the discrepancy of what you desire and what you actually have?

As you look realistically at what IS, do you see that there is a gap between the vision of your life and your present life as you are living it? Holy Cow!

Years ago I conceived an idea for a book. I was very excited about this, and even came up with an inspiration for the title. I made a space in my schedule for writing. I interviewed a couple of people for the content of the book, which was very enjoyable. I told my friends and family that I was going to write this book. I sat down to begin writing the book and hit a proverbial wall. How could I do this? What if it was awful? What is everyone thought I was a fraud? How could I ever get it published? Some well meaning person cautioned me about the difficulties of getting published. I was stopped in my tracks. No more writing. What I envisioned as my new life work was not happening. I was a Writer who was not writing.

Last fall when I was clearing out clutter and reorganizing my home office, I came across the notes and interview tapes for that book. Clearly there is a big discrepancy between what is really happening with the writing of that book and my vision for it!

Instead of being a detriment, Robert Fritz in The Path of Least Resistance says that discrepancy is the stock-in-trade of the creator. "When you create, you become a player of forces such as contrasts, opposites, similarities, differences, time, balance and so on. When you create, one of the important forces you can use is discrepancy."

Rather than being discouraged by the discrepancy you find, you can use it to create tension that will move you toward your goal by taking action, and as the discrepancy lessens, it will provide momentum as you move forward.

"Creators not only tolerate discrepancy, they appreciate and encourage it. Discrepancy contains the energy that enables you to create."

I fell into the trap of dealing with my discomfort over the discrepancy by lowering my vision. For quite awhile I forgot about being a writer. I dismissed the creation of the book as unimportant. I told myself that I needed to focus on other goals first. And sure enough, that eased my tension.

Now as I renew my focus on creating the life that I desire, the ghost book has emerged again. How do I know that I can be a successful writer? How do I know that the idea of the book is really a good one? The truth is that I don't know. And I can't know until I hang onto my clarity of what current reality IS, and also focus on what my desire IS. That energy of the discrepancy between the two can fuel my actions that I take on behalf of my vision. I do observe that movement leads to more movement.

And as Fritz points out, any movement, even if it's in the wrong direction is useful because we can change direction or refine our activity. This is better than not moving at all. And the more experience we have at making use of the tension of discrepancy, and the energy of the movement, the more we will create.

Assessing What IS Part I

Posted on February 10, 2009 by JanetEisenbise

There are definite skills involved in making the life changes that you desire. What makes the difference between wanting your life to be different and actually creating the life that you desire?

Most of us are very focused on problem solving as a way to change. We live in a culture and world in which the problems are listed and graphically illustrated on network news. The problems are discussed and analyzed constantly. Our own personal problems are our own anxious focus. And we may be fooled into thinking that when we solve the problems then we can finally be happy.

We may be temporarily relieved, but this is not the same thing as creating a life. In previous posts we have been discussing the importance of asking yourself what you really want and creating a vital vision.

Robert Fritz in The Path of Least Resistance: Learning to Become the Creative Force in Your Own Life,
describes the important function of assessing what IS. It is essential before we can create our vision, that we have a look at our current REALITY.

As Fritz points out, knowing what currently exists is a skill that sounds deceptively simple. Most of us have been encouraged to view reality with particular biases. Depending on that bias, you may see the current reality as better than it really is, or worse than it really is. One of the most important skills is to learn to be objective about your own creation.

How might you do this? Begin by learning to tolerate your discomfort at looking honestly at what you have already created. it is easy to gloss over what you see because you may feel uncomfortable at uncovering what you haven't seen until now. Or to avoid looking at what is and feeling the emotions that come up.

Ask for feedback from someone that you respect. This will not likely be your best friend or your mother because chances are she or he won't want to hurt your feelings. One of the standards for practicing artists is submitting their work for peer review or judging. The artists who serve in the capacity of review know the standards and will objectively apply them. What results for the artist is continual improvement and an increased ability to realistically evaluate her own work.

Another option is to track the details of what currently exists. For instance if you want to reduce your debt or increase your savings or increase your income, begin by totaling up the current income, debt or amount in savings. Then every week keep track of what is coming in or going out or accumulating in your savings account.

Or if you intend to gain more stamina or strength, measure your current time and distance you can walk. Then chart your progress noting the distance and time you walk every day. Or the number of repetitions and the weight that you lifted. It may help to have an accountability partner to help you be realistic. And remember that the most important person to keep you accountable is you.

Don't indulge in the temptation to get into endless self criticism. This is not productive, and will in fact lead you back into avoidance or distorting what reality is. Remember what Wayne Dyer says: the past is just the pathway that led you to your present circumstances. Accept it. Keep focused on what currently is and on your desired life creation.

Awaken the Observer

Posted on February 5, 2009 by JanetEisenbise

Have you ever seen the movie "What the Bleep?" It is one of my favorites of all time, and I must have watched it at least ten times. Something very unusual for me. When it was in our local theater that shows mostly independent films, I took three different friends to see it, three different times. I wasn't the only one intrigued by it: movie goers were striking up spontaneous discussions out on the sidewalk afterwards. A sight you don't often see in this neck of the woods.

One of the concepts of the movie was an echo of something that I heard in acupuncture treatment. An aspect of the self called the Observer. Is it a part of the personality? A member of our "inner committee" as my psychologist friend Joe calls it (you know…like the Inner Child or the Inner Critic, etc.) Or is it the soul itself?

I'm not sure. But what is important about the Observer is that it performs a function that is essential to our awakening awareness of our Self and also to our very health and well being. We may be keen observers of others, noticing body language and nuances of spoken language. I want to encourage you to turn those observational powers inward once in a while.

You may notice that you are having some physical signs of emotions occurring, often in the front of the body from your throat to your abdomen. Take a few minutes to monitor this zone, breathing deeply for several breaths. Just observe your throat first. Is there a lump there, or feeling of tightness? Then down to your solar plexus, still breathing slowly. Is there any tightness there? Any fluttering sensation, or warmth or cold? Just breathe and then move your attention down to your abdomen. Any tightness or other sensation there?

Whatever you observe or don't observe is okay. Try to suspend any expectation. And if you do notice something, ask yourself "What's up with this?" Do not ask yourself WHY am I feeling this? Just pay attention to what occurs to you.

As you go through the day, practice this observation. You may also notice your reactions to other people or circumstances. Awaken your Observer by asking yourself "What's up?" Remember that the WHY question will get you into your head telling yourself stories about what is going on. Not too helpful.

Also remember that the Observer is NOT the same as the Inner Critic, which is a well worn inner diatribe of criticism that you learned long ago and repeat to yourself. Something that makes you feel crappy. In contrast, the Observer is curious and compassionate. What you observe is okay. Even when what you observe makes no rational sense (and it often will not since we are not really very rational creatures), just keep breathing and observing.

The ability to compassionately observe your emotions and interactions and reactions will eventually lead to a greater understanding and greater acceptance of yourself. It will soon lead to your ability to uncover and discover some aspects to your Self that have been hidden in your Shadow.

And that my friend, is gold.

Only the Shadow Knows

Posted on February 3, 2009 by JanetEisenbise

Recently I was reading an ebook by one of my favorite speakers and writers, psychologist Bill O'Hanlon. Bill is a pioneer in the field of Positive Psychology, an approach that helps people focus on the possibilities of life rather than getting mired in diagnosing and analyzing their problems.

He seems to take a sort of unexpected approach by encouraging us to accept those parts of ourselves that may make us uncomfortable because they don't seem to comply with how we SHOULD be. These qualities may be a source of shame to us. And they also may be counter to what we have been taught is acceptable by our parents, peers and teachers.

Bill says, "Accept your deviance."

When I was a kid in school, I had real problems with math. Numbers are very slippery things and get flipped around and inverted, and sometime completely disappear from sight! Later I observed that I understand mathematical concepts, but for the life of me cannot trust my brain to come up with the right answer with any reliability. Having to go to the front of the class and solve a problem on the board was my personal version of hell! It takes me forever to remember a phone number or street address. This haunted me throughout school as a source of great shame. I was convinced that I was dumb.

Not until my adult life did I understand that different brains function differently. And that I was not dumb, but rather very good at verbal skills, writing, speaking and listening. Everyone has strengths, skills and weaknesses. When I owned and accepted that my brain does not "do math" then I was relieved and free to find ways to support myself and compensate. Thank heaven for calculators and computer programs that do the math!

And so in our personalities we also have those quirks. Qualities that we accept and promote as who we are. And also qualities that we don't like so much. Or maybe we admire them in others, but can't see them in ourselves.

A successful lawyer who is prim and proper by her own description has a penchant for "bad boys." And is frustrated by relationships that don't seem to develop the way she wants them to. I suggested that she may be a "bad ass" herself and may benefit by taking that part out of her shadow and into the light of day.

Why is this important? Because accepting your deviance, or your quirkiness may lead you to your passions. It may suggest a new and more rewarding pathway in your life. It will no doubt relieve some inner tension and lead to self acceptance. And it will certainly make your life more colorful and interesting!